Flaky friend

[Jennybeans401]

I've known her for ten years and she's always been a bit flaky (she sets up meet ups, invites us over then the day or two days before her kids are unwell or she's got another reason not to meet up). I usually find out the day after that her dcs are well again and I feel a bit stupid. I've never really said anything though, just gone along with it because I value her friendship.

Three weeks ago my friend wanted to 'book' me and my dcs in for a playdate at her house in half term. It was a long way in advance but I agreed, my middle dc loves my friend's dd and my dd has had a horrible time at school with bullying do was looking forward to this meet up.

A week after my friend messaged to say she'd double booked us and they were going to an event in the city. She said we could come too if we wanted, she sent us the link and told us how to register. I agreed and booked this, my dcs were really excited about it. My dd in particular was very excited and I had booked a day off work so we could go.

Late last night friend messaged to say she thought she'd booked her tickets but she'd just checked and she hadn't. She said she couldn't book now because they were sold out. When I checked I saw there were tickets free, she then said she'd overscheduled and her dcs would be too tired to go.

I sent a message saying my dcs would be disappointed and that I would think carefully about planning something with her again. This was literally it, about two sentences. This then led to my friend sending two very long rants on WhatsApp about how she needed to put her children first, I was being difficult, she'd helped me so much through bereavement (I am still dealing with loss of my dh). I hadn't replied to this but she then removed my dcs from a sports group she runs and told us to find 'something else to do'. It was all very nasty and I'm shocked, I've paid my friend more than the fee for the group each time because my dcs love it so much. I've never asked for anything from her, she's offered help with childcare but I wouldn't accept it because I don't want to put on her.

My dd has very few friends and will be heartbroken. AIBU to think this reaction is totally disproportionate to a short message saying I was a bit unhappy about her cancelling again?

I've already blocked her, we are part of the same groups on social media and I kept seeing her posts.she could also see my posts, blocking her has given me some peace.

I still feel very hurt and used though.

Nah nah nah.

It’s time to compartmentalise her as an experience gained. Personally, I’d have replied to her two rants with a firm sacking. OP chose to maintain silence, which is a good move too.
It’s too late for a pithy response or vengeful retaliation. She’s an ill wind passing through.

True true. I just gleefully enjoyed the thought of it 👿
Even though it's wrong 😂

Good. The best revenge is to live well.

This
Plus, you may want to see what she’s saying about you to others…. You don’t need to reply, just observe.
If your dc had friends in the sports group, could you message them to say you have been removed from the group, but dc would still like to keep in touch, have play dates etc.

The last message is because you haven't responded.

I really wouldn't hesitate to forward those poisonous messages to anyone who asks you why you aren't going.

My guess is she may well regret them as they sound dreadful.

Silence is the greatest response to people like that.

You are well rid of her.

The last message is because you haven't responded.
Yup.

She will toy with you if you let her OP. But I don't think you will ...
However, be prepared for more contact attempts - beware Hoovering -
lonerwolf.com/hoovering/

The class suggestion was so she can keep you in her sights. Well done for spotting the manipulation.

Sorry @Jennybeans401 she does sound a manipulative one

Don't let it mess with your head. You've done the right thing. I agree with pp. she wanted to keep tabs on you, still be in some sort of contact by suggesting the class next to hers.

She can't cope that you've blocked her. It'll throw her hence then barrage of texts.

Stay strong. Don't reply. Keep anything shitty she sends so if you need to you can show outsiders what a bitch she's been.

Well done OP for blocking her.

Nacissim looks such a formal, official term.
Does fucking bitch not suffice anymore?

This is exactly what happened in my own toxic friendship, because on top of all the cancellations and turning up 2 hours late, she lied to me as well. I ended it and was labelled the crazy one. No one needs this kind of ‘friend’.

No one is angrier than a narcissist being accused of something they definitely did.

Brilliant. I'm nicking that.

I can’t take credit for it. I read it online. It stuck with me too.

I now understand why I was made to pay for my former friend's abysmal behaviour to me. I cooled things for a while, then got back in touch and confronted her with how upset she had made me to explain why I'd gone off grid a while.

Cue the most vile blameshifting, I don't know if she believed her own BS but her explanation for why she'd upset me was basically because I deserved it by being a shit person all along! She over played her hand as many of her accusations were so ludicrous I couldn't take her that seriously. And of course none of these had wver been raised before I confronted her on her behaviour!

Lesson learned and friendship lost.

Oooh and did she break out the 'everyone else says it too?' or similar inferring she's the only one 'honest' enough to speak up?

An ill wind passing through - that is a really good way to look at it!