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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think women should have more sway in naming babies

177 replies

yellowbottles · 23/10/2022 20:06

Lighthearted. Ish. Maybe.

AIBU in thinking women should have the most say in naming their children?

I'm about 8 weeks away from giving birth and still deep in what has been a physically awful pregnancy. I've been incredibly ill throughout and it's taken me to the edge mentally and emotionally.

DH and I married last year. I took on his name, in an ideal world I would have double barreled but my maiden name was already a double barreled name, so I decided to take on my new husbands surname. Our baby will have his surname.

We're getting to the naming baby crunch talks, and we can't decide! He has his favourites, I have mine. AIBU to think that, as he gets to pass his surname on to baby, and as recognition of a bloody rough 9 months that I've endured, I should have final say on first-naming our baby?

OP posts:
Yuib · 23/10/2022 20:08

I named two of my 3 children! Husband never had any problem with it!

35965a · 23/10/2022 20:10

You’ll probably get your arse handed to you here but I agree with you

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 23/10/2022 20:10

I agree with you too. All that physical bloody work, there should be a reward somewhere along the way for it.

Asparagoose · 23/10/2022 20:11

I told my husband he could name any kids he gave birth to and I’d name the ones I gave birth to!

nutbrownhare15 · 23/10/2022 20:11

I don't see why he would begrudge you the final say but hopefully you can agree on one you both like which is what happened with both my kids

CraigDavid · 23/10/2022 20:12

YANBU

Pumpkinpatchlookinggood · 23/10/2022 20:12

Simply wait until YOU have done the labour and make YOUR suggestion.. Your dh will be so bowled over he will agree...

Kpo58 · 23/10/2022 20:13

Well as you can go and get your child registered on your own, you can name then anything you like. I mean there could be arguments afterwards if you suddenly name your child Fizzy Moon Bat when you had both agreed on Abigail, but he couldn't stop you from doing so.

Mumof2boys17 · 23/10/2022 20:13

I agree that naming the child should be the woman’s first choice if that’s what she wants. I was in similar situation but due to religious differences, my husbands surname and mine now and the childrens will always be of a specific faith even though I don’t follow it and neither do my kids, so I chose first names from my own faith, which my husband obviously agreed with as he is not religious in the slightest, in laws were not happy ! 🤦🏽‍♀️

Montague22 · 23/10/2022 20:14

I named mine. Not a disliked name though, there was some discussion.

Pandor · 23/10/2022 20:14

Seems odd to name your child something that you know your partner actively dislikes, but as they say…you do you.

Violettaa · 23/10/2022 20:17

as you can go and get your child registered on your own, you can name then anything you like

So could her husband, as they’re married.

In my case (and lots that I know) the couple agreed a shortlist and the mother had the final pick from that.

Beachsidesunset · 23/10/2022 20:18

As you're married, he can go off and register her name without your permission, as a FYI.

Spatulanna · 23/10/2022 20:21

I had one name I wanted.
Husband said it was the one name in the world he couldn't stand - what a coincidence eh?
He wouldn't budge - said he could never bond with the child if I gave him that name.
We actually divorced soon after and he never sees the child anyway so there is zero bond.

We chose a name that neither of us loved or hated.

It was the start of the end, and it cast very sad memories around the birth for me. I realised every single one of my friends' DH would have let them have their way. YANBU

Original poster
yellowbottles · 23/10/2022 20:25

Pandor · 23/10/2022 20:14

Seems odd to name your child something that you know your partner actively dislikes, but as they say…you do you.

I'm not talking about buggering off and naming our kid Skyrocket Ziggy Fox Poo in secret - we have a shortlist of names we both like but can't make a decision on them (I have a clear winner). I just think, given his name continues in a surname, and I've turned myself inside out during pregnancy, it should be my final decision

OP posts:
SalviaOfficinalis · 23/10/2022 20:25

YANBU. It was always understood between me and DH that I would be choosing the baby‘s name.

I asked for his input and wouldn’t have gone with a name he absolutely hated, but it was mainly my decision.

roarfeckingroarr · 23/10/2022 20:25

I agree 100%

Original poster
yellowbottles · 23/10/2022 20:26

Beachsidesunset · 23/10/2022 20:18

As you're married, he can go off and register her name without your permission, as a FYI.

Neither of us would do this as we're not vindictive or nuts

OP posts:
Hapoydayz · 23/10/2022 20:26

Yanbu

peanutmandmss · 23/10/2022 20:26

I think you should at least give a few choices of names and then he can pick from those!

lentilly · 23/10/2022 20:27

yellowbottles · 23/10/2022 20:26

Neither of us would do this as we're not vindictive or nuts

Show quote history

My husband did it and could have called DC anything. This was during covid times. Don't worry if they screw it up you can change it.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 23/10/2022 20:29

Have you said that to him? I said it to dh - baby has your surname I'm taking the middle names. For the dc3 I wouldn't budge on the name until FIL told him to get over it and "she did all the work just let her have her name"

toastofthetown · 23/10/2022 20:30

I disagree. Naming a baby is a parenting decision just like any other. The child is both of yours and will have the name for the rest of its life. You and DH will have to compromise on thousands of issues over your child's life and the name is just the first one. How long do you think you being the pregnant one and getting the casting vote as a result should last.

It sounds like you're regretting changing your name and transferring that feeling onto your baby's name. It's not too late for you to change back and give you child a mix between your name and DH's name, or change your name to that name to. If you maiden name was Anderson-Jones and your husband's name is Smith, you and the baby could be Anderson-Smith or Smith-Jones.

Confusion101 · 23/10/2022 20:42

I agree with @toastofthetown . But I can guarantee 100% after DH sees the birth he will let you name it Princess Consuella Banana Hammock if you want to!

wackamole · 23/10/2022 20:42

The baby will have the dad's last name because you've previously changed to it; it would be a bit inconvenient to use your original last name when you yourself don't use it, but you could. As for doing the work, by that logic would people who adopt or "use" a surrogate ask the birth mother to name the baby?

However, in this situation - you've both agreed to a list of names you like and could use, you have a strong preference for one and he has no preference among them - why not use your favourite? Is he wanting more time to decide on his favourite among the names on the short list, or hoping to come up with a new name that both of you agree is even better?