To think women should have more sway in naming babies

[yellowbottles]

Lighthearted. Ish. Maybe.

AIBU in thinking women should have the most say in naming their children?

I'm about 8 weeks away from giving birth and still deep in what has been a physically awful pregnancy. I've been incredibly ill throughout and it's taken me to the edge mentally and emotionally.

DH and I married last year. I took on his name, in an ideal world I would have double barreled but my maiden name was already a double barreled name, so I decided to take on my new husbands surname. Our baby will have his surname.

We're getting to the naming baby crunch talks, and we can't decide! He has his favourites, I have mine. AIBU to think that, as he gets to pass his surname on to baby, and as recognition of a bloody rough 9 months that I've endured, I should have final say on first-naming our baby?

DC1 we'd decided a boys name well in advance (he was a boy as I'd thought), DC2 was a girl (I'd also been sure of that!) we had no name in advance DH chose in the hour after she was born. DC3 and I was a well experienced woman! I had both a boy and girls name picked out early on but I didn't mention a thing as there would have been "a discussion". DC3 was born, I suggested my name DH said yes but what about XY name, I replied lovely but what about my name and smiled and yes DC3 is my name suggestion!

YANBU. It was always understood between me and DH that I would be choosing the baby‘s name.

That doesn't bode well for the future, I'd have thought. When raising children, there can often be a blurred line between a privilege and a responsibility. It's also ripe for deliberate assumed incapability on the part of fathers who are either a bit hopeless or who are made to feel a bit hopeless and a lesser parent.

What happens if he then leaves all of the decisions and childcare responsibilities to you until the child is 18? "No dear, YOU gave birth to the baby, YOU chose their name, YOU know best, YOU are the main parent - these things are always best dealt with by the mother." School drop-offs and pick-ups, childcare for days when the child is ill and INSET days, all of the school-parent admin etc.

I told my husband he could name any kids he gave birth to and I’d name the ones I gave birth to!

What would you have said if he told you that he'd pay for the childcare for any kids that he gave birth to and you could pay for any that you did?

Do parents really struggle so much to find one name out of the tens of thousands out there that they both like - or squabble over who is the more important or better parent? Why would a happily married/committed couple deliberately try their hardest not to parent as a team?

You need to be a team in the life ahead. Teams agree on things.

This! You are both equally DC's parents and you're going to have to learn to work together to make decisions that affect your child and find compromises. This is just the first one.

DH and I both wrote lists with our preferred names, we could veto either of the other's choices and then we ended up with a shortlist of names we both liked. I had one preferred name and DH had another from that shortlist so they ended up with DH's pick from first name and my pick for middle name as they flowed better that way and the other way the initials would have been weird.

I don't think it matters. Your child can change it when they are old enough if they think it's shit😂

My husband and I both had a fave girls name and agreed on a boys. But I knew once he saw what I went though he'd let me have whatever name I wanted. Turned out she looked absolutely nothing like my favourite name so we went with his. I knew it the second I saw her it was her name but I wasn't keen on it before!

I don't think it matters. Your child can change it when they are old enough if they think it's shit

Yes - they only have to go through their entire childhood with a horrendous name that also sets them up for their lifetime identity in society - easy!

If it’s a true impasse, then toss a coin for who gets first name and who gets middle name.

Given modern trends your DC is very likely to change their name by deed poll to something else anyway.

I agree. I endured the pregnancy, the weight gain, the birth, the injuries, the breastfeeding. Kids have DH surname. So my opinions definitely carried more sway, and DH was led by my preferences as long as they weren't names he hated. He did veto a couple of my faves and I didn't push it. Not fair having a name one parent can't stand.

YANBU what irritates me is when a boy is born and he’s given his dad’s name as his middle name AND the dad’s surname! And there’s nothing there of the woman’s family background. Our kids have/will have DH’s surname, so I choose the middle name and make it something traditional within my family.

Not married. I'd originally wanted baby to have his surname...then I thought about it and wanted the same name as MY baby. Its double barrelled, but I chose her name. He didn't come up with anything and in fairness it was the one name he said he quite liked...but I'd fallen in love with her name.

No, I think it should be a name you both agree on.

I didn’t get to name any of my children! Husband overruled and I compromised - surprising in retrospect as he is the first one to compromise about anything.

I agree with the OP, we should have the final say ☺️

Why is the my in capitals? You know YOUR baby is also half SOMEONE ELSE'S baby too... 🙈 So frustrating when they don't come up with any suggestions and dislike your suggestions... Glad he liked the name you had fallen in love with to avoid any awkwardness ☺️

Although my partner and I agreed on a couple of names, after he watched me give birth he said I could name her anything I wanted.

I put hours and hours of thought into my children's names (I may have become obsessed). Their dad would tell you we chose the names together. We didn't. We both love both names though, luckily.

I named my dc and they both have my surname.

It would be a deal breaker for me. We carry them, we run the risk of injury or even death. Sod off is it equal.

But on a more practical note, half of marriages end in divorce and 90% of single parents are female. Its therefore just common sense for children to take their mother's name.

I told DH he could name whatever came out of him, and I could name whatever came out of me

We went back and forth with forster and eventually found a name we both liked and agreed to use the name I liked the most for no 2. No 3 we batted names back and forth. Dh loved a name I didn't then he went off it. I gave birth and as soon as baby was born i was like I want to call him that name you went off. Dh was like anything you want - he was slightly traumatised after the birth lol

YABU

I have 2 kids (14 months apart) - both of my pregnancies were horrific, I was in and out of hospital due to issues combined with the HG I had from the very start until the end.

I still wouldn't have decided on a name without agreeing with my Partner - I carried them both but they're not any more my kids than they are his

Haha I have had my share of batshit suggestions (hormones I guess?), we've given each other unlimited vetoes while we come up with our shortlist. Haven't ran out of names (yet)

I agree that you should! I had final say with ours as it was me doing the pregnancy and birth!!

I chose both mine although he did like them both.

I mean if the man can't do any of the birthing, pregnancy, post birth stuff the woman goes through why shouldn't she get more of a vote?

It's hardly 50/50 input from the get go is it?

As long as it's a name he doesn't hate, I think it's pretty pathetic of a man to get to not do anything to physically being the baby into the world, slap his last name on and then get a 50/50 in name deciding. Bonkers how women bend over backwards for men!

YABU. It's a load of sexist nonsense. A child has two parents.

Fortunately we had twins so we each named one, only veto was neither was named after me. Both have nice ordinary names that we both like.