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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend not giving me a lift home...aibu?

211 replies

greenbradket · 23/10/2022 11:51

Night out with friend last night
Met her in her city which is around 20 min drive but 1 hr 20 mins by bus.
As we were drinking I couldn't take my car.
So I stayed at her house
This morning she says "sorry I can't take you home,I don't want to use petrol unnecessary "
So she drops me off at the bus stop
The Sunday service is 1 a hour and I've just missed it.
Aibu to think it's a bit crappy?
Bare in mind every time she stays over mine I drive her home or if I feel too hungover I'll pay for her Uber

OP posts:
PayPennies · 23/10/2022 14:22

The one glowing gleaming fact from this thread —which didn’t happen— is that there are grown arse adults randomly driving each other home all the time like WTF 😂

Hawkins001 · 23/10/2022 14:22

greenbradket · 23/10/2022 11:51

Night out with friend last night
Met her in her city which is around 20 min drive but 1 hr 20 mins by bus.
As we were drinking I couldn't take my car.
So I stayed at her house
This morning she says "sorry I can't take you home,I don't want to use petrol unnecessary "
So she drops me off at the bus stop
The Sunday service is 1 a hour and I've just missed it.
Aibu to think it's a bit crappy?
Bare in mind every time she stays over mine I drive her home or if I feel too hungover I'll pay for her Uber

To be honest that's a similar thing a colleague was going to do with me when I asked about the possibility of a lift, granted it assent a Sunday.

Taillighttoobright · 23/10/2022 14:23

Why didn't you drive to hers, then go out, then stay over, then your car was there for you the next morning?

2bazookas · 23/10/2022 14:26

Since you pay for her UBER, why didn't you just call one for yourself?

cabansunset · 23/10/2022 14:34

If you usually pay for her Uber home why didn't you just pay for your own?

Original poster
greenbradket · 23/10/2022 14:39

I've paid for her Uber once when I couldn't drive her home.
I felt guilty for not being able to drive her and that's why I paid.
I wouldn't choose to waste £40 plus on a taxi -if it came down to it I would rather pay the £4 bus and just suck it up.

OP posts:
Original poster
greenbradket · 23/10/2022 14:41

@Taillighttoobright that was the original plan but as she was dropping kids off near city centre she told me her dad would drive her into town after she dropped kids off so didn't want to wait for me to drive to hers so she would have to do 2 trips (as she would have to drive to her dads then back to hers than pass her dads to get back to city centre )

OP posts:
Wombat100 · 23/10/2022 14:50

She sounds like a tight arse. Don’t offer her a lift next time she’s at yours.

BucketofTeaMassiveCake · 23/10/2022 14:51

She isn't much of a friend, is she?

pinkyredrose · 23/10/2022 14:55

greenbradket · 23/10/2022 11:55

@Skinnermarink that was my original plan but she didn't want to wait till I got there to then drive back into town as she was dropping her kids off at her dads near city centre

Why would she have needed to be there? You could have parked outside her house and got the bus. Alternatively you could've got in her car when she dropped the kids off?

billy1966 · 23/10/2022 14:57

Awful behaviour.

Such meanness.

She sees you as a mug.

I really wouldn't want to spend time with someone like that again, much less have them stay at my home.

Dreadful behaviour.

Dacquoise · 23/10/2022 15:01

In an ideal world friends would reciprocate kindnesses. As you have discovered this isn't the case with your friend and there's a lesson in here. Either dial back the kindnesses so you don't feel disappointed or resentful and just look after number one. Or rethink the friendship altogether if it's too one-sided for you. Unfortunately not everyone is thoughtful or generous but you can control what you choose to 'give' to other people.

IAmAReader · 23/10/2022 15:11

I think she's probably tired of the arrangement you guys have had driving each other back and forth over the years but she didn't know how to raise it , so she just made an excuse to get out of this time as a way of ending it.

It was a bit unfair of her not to raise it with you before but I'd just assume from now on, she's happy to make her own way and let her get the bus home. If she raises any objection to that she's clearly being selfish and you should call her out on it.

It's taken me literally years to notice that some friends consistently fail to give to me, what I give to them and I feel a bit silly once I finally realise the lack of reciprocity in the relationship.

It's good that you've noticed so quickly because you can nip things in the bud so the friendship doesn't become one-sided.

yellowtotebag · 23/10/2022 15:24

Responses to this have really surprised me. I live about a 35 minute train journey away from a busy city and often stay over at friends who live in the city if we’ve been out. I always just get the train back the next day, as do my friends if they’ve come to stay at mine. If I’d missed the train I’d just go on my phone and drink a coffee whilst I waited. I am genuinely really surprised that people think this is a rude thing to do. I wouldn’t dream of asking one of my friends to drop me back when there is a perfectly good train that will do exactly that.

We give each other lifts all the time to help out when necessary (drop-offs at airport when no public transport running, picking up kids or shopping if somebody is unwell etc). We are a very generous and helpful bunch of friends so I’m wondering if I’ve been on a different planet! Why do you actually need a lift back if you can just hop on the bus? Obviously if there was no bus running she’d be a complete cow to say no but there is a bus?

Greyarea12 · 23/10/2022 15:39

I find it so strange when people say your an adult, your responsibie for your own way home. Isn't that what friends do for each other, give each other a lift etc. I would never drop a friend at the bus stop, I would be embarrassed on my own behalf if I treated my friends that way. She is a shit friend and i wouldnt be in a rush to go out with her again. You offering her petrol money and her still not giving you a lift makes this worse.

ilukp · 23/10/2022 15:40

I wouldn't expect someone to drive 20 mins to drop me off and 20 mins back when there was a bus service.
I wouldn't be taking her home any more or paying for an über either. She said she didn't want to spend the petrol money so you should get the bus, in which case, the next time she stays at yours she gets the bus back too.

Obki · 23/10/2022 15:42

How do you plan to approach this going forward. Will you at least stop dropping her home and let her make her own way home?

HashtagShitShop · 23/10/2022 15:50

Think you might need to contact uber anout being ripped off... I did a 27 minute drive in one twice yesterday and both times it was just over £14.

girlmom21 · 23/10/2022 16:01

HashtagShitShop · 23/10/2022 15:50

Think you might need to contact uber anout being ripped off... I did a 27 minute drive in one twice yesterday and both times it was just over £14.

They might have a shortage of drivers in the area

Beautiful3 · 23/10/2022 16:04

Just do the same back. When she stays at yours, just drop her at the bus stop too. It works both ways.s

Unseelie · 23/10/2022 16:40

Sounds to me like your friend was annoyed with you 😬

Either that or she isn’t as good a friend as you think she is.

TootMootZoot · 23/10/2022 16:45

HashtagShitShop · 23/10/2022 15:50

Think you might need to contact uber anout being ripped off... I did a 27 minute drive in one twice yesterday and both times it was just over £14.

The OPs is a 27 mile round trip from her friends so I don't think £40 is unrealistic depending on the time and area.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 23/10/2022 16:51

You're friend isn't a good friend but that said you're a grown up and should have worked out the logistics before you went out 🤷‍♀️

I wouldn't ever expect a life anywhere unless I'd asked if it was okay before hand.

jannier · 23/10/2022 18:38

yellowtotebag · 23/10/2022 15:24

Responses to this have really surprised me. I live about a 35 minute train journey away from a busy city and often stay over at friends who live in the city if we’ve been out. I always just get the train back the next day, as do my friends if they’ve come to stay at mine. If I’d missed the train I’d just go on my phone and drink a coffee whilst I waited. I am genuinely really surprised that people think this is a rude thing to do. I wouldn’t dream of asking one of my friends to drop me back when there is a perfectly good train that will do exactly that.

We give each other lifts all the time to help out when necessary (drop-offs at airport when no public transport running, picking up kids or shopping if somebody is unwell etc). We are a very generous and helpful bunch of friends so I’m wondering if I’ve been on a different planet! Why do you actually need a lift back if you can just hop on the bus? Obviously if there was no bus running she’d be a complete cow to say no but there is a bus?

I think people are saying it'd rude becouse the op always drives her home or oddly pays for an uber. So is now feeling used. Most adults wouldn't expect this and would make their own way but the friend has happily accepted.

LittlePinkBalloon · 23/10/2022 19:55

That’s a bit shitty of her. I definitely wouldn’t be giving any lifts in the future.