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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend not giving me a lift home...aibu?

211 replies

greenbradket · 23/10/2022 11:51

Night out with friend last night
Met her in her city which is around 20 min drive but 1 hr 20 mins by bus.
As we were drinking I couldn't take my car.
So I stayed at her house
This morning she says "sorry I can't take you home,I don't want to use petrol unnecessary "
So she drops me off at the bus stop
The Sunday service is 1 a hour and I've just missed it.
Aibu to think it's a bit crappy?
Bare in mind every time she stays over mine I drive her home or if I feel too hungover I'll pay for her Uber

OP posts:
theworldhas · 23/10/2022 13:36

I would dump this person fullstop. You might have a laugh together or some kind of connection in other areas, but at the end of the day she’s a taker. Some people are just like that. Lopsided friendships are a waste of time, and just end with resentment.

JocelynBurnell · 23/10/2022 13:36

I don't think it is unreasonable to take a bus home after staying at a friend's house. Doing a forty-minute drive to spare a visitor the tedium of making a one-hour bus journey seems a tad excessive.

However, considering that she has in the past accepted lifts home from you and also allowed you to pay for her uber ride, she should have been more than happy to drive you home and repay your kindness.

I think paying for her uber ride is a little odd though.

Noodge · 23/10/2022 13:37

I agree she's lying about the petrol thing too. I prefer to fill up in a certain supermarket as it is the cheapest and I get loyalty benefits. If I'm caught short nowhere near it I very often top up a few £ to get me to wherever/near said supermarket, sometimes very much under £10. Never heard of a £20 minimum!

gamerchick · 23/10/2022 13:37

She couldn't be arsed so ditched you. The end.

You can ignore it and carry on as before, which personally I think you will. Or you can agree that return journeys are on your own heads in future. Or take hour car to hers and visa versa no matter what she says.

BankseyVest · 23/10/2022 13:37

Time to treat her as she's treated you. I'd also be less inclined to spend time with her.

thelobsterquadrille · 23/10/2022 13:37

LaGioconda · 23/10/2022 13:30

What on earth does she drive if a tankful of petrol only takes her 100 miles?

Show quote history

She didn't say the tank was full, just that she only had enough fuel to drive 100 miles.

rainbowstardrops · 23/10/2022 13:40

Drop her at the bus stop next time

Catapultaway · 23/10/2022 13:41

greenbradket · 23/10/2022 13:34

I'm perfectly capable of sorting my travel plans out yes .
We have did this driving each other home the following day for over 10 years so obviously I had no reason to think otherwise.
Yes I stayed at her house ,she also stays at mine too..it's a 50/50 thing.
I don't think it was petrol related or maybe it was ...I just think she couldn't be bothered.

Perfectly capable? Clearly you have both been doing it wrong for years then 😉
Why would you each spend 90 mins on the bus each time to get to the other person's when you can just drive the 20mins and leave the car at theirs and drive home the next day.

Pixiedust1234 · 23/10/2022 13:44

It seems your friendship has changed without you noticing. Its time to re-evaluate it now you know. If its a one off thats different but I bet there have been a few little changes in the dynamics lately.

Has she turned into a drinking buddy more than a friend?

Kennykenkencat · 23/10/2022 13:45

greenbradket · 23/10/2022 12:00

I've offered her £10 petrol money but she said she can't top up less than £20 at her local garage
She said she only has 100 miles in her car
Mine and back would only be 27 miles

Where on earth does she live

I have never heard of a minimum £20 spend

Surely there is a normal petrol station between you and hers that would have let her put £10 in the tank.

Threelittlelambs · 23/10/2022 13:49

She didn’t need to put any petrol in if she had 100 miles on the tank - she could’ve taken the £10 and topped it up at a later time.

poor excuse.

Kennykenkencat · 23/10/2022 13:50

Any garage that imposes a minimum spend of that much is usually more expensive.
So if she is choosing a particularly expensive garage then it has noting to do with petrol prices.

I run on fumes to get to Costco. (Which doesn’t have a minimum spend)

Untitledsquatboulder · 23/10/2022 13:51

nannyquestion1 · 23/10/2022 11:54

Yeah that is a bit selfish of her, 20 mins of petrol is barely anything. But at least you know what to do the next time she stays at yours!!

It would be 40 min of petrol unless she's planning on moving in with the OP.

JudgeJ · 23/10/2022 13:55

greenbradket · 23/10/2022 11:51

Night out with friend last night
Met her in her city which is around 20 min drive but 1 hr 20 mins by bus.
As we were drinking I couldn't take my car.
So I stayed at her house
This morning she says "sorry I can't take you home,I don't want to use petrol unnecessary "
So she drops me off at the bus stop
The Sunday service is 1 a hour and I've just missed it.
Aibu to think it's a bit crappy?
Bare in mind every time she stays over mine I drive her home or if I feel too hungover I'll pay for her Uber

Maybe you should have made sure you got to the bus stop on time. You're wanting your friend to make a 40 minute drive, 2 x 20 minutes, so that you don't have to make an 80 minutes journey?

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 23/10/2022 13:57

MyStarBoy · 23/10/2022 12:31

She's not a real friend.
Personally I would end it - and have done because of sheer tightness and double-standards.

Agree with this. She's only looking out for herself.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 23/10/2022 13:58

Wisterical · 23/10/2022 12:33

So you went out without any plan on how to get home the next day, you didn’t find out where your bus stop is and now, having missed your bus, you’re blaming your friend for not chauffeuring you home. Be a grown up, go to a coffee shop until your bus is due and try to be more organised in future.

Talk about missing the point.

Livpool · 23/10/2022 13:58

Threelittlelambs · 23/10/2022 13:49

She didn’t need to put any petrol in if she had 100 miles on the tank - she could’ve taken the £10 and topped it up at a later time.

poor excuse.

I agree.

The friend sounds selfish - telling OP not to bring her own car then refusing to take her home

mansviewpoint · 23/10/2022 13:59

greenbradket · 23/10/2022 13:34

I'm perfectly capable of sorting my travel plans out yes .
We have did this driving each other home the following day for over 10 years so obviously I had no reason to think otherwise.
Yes I stayed at her house ,she also stays at mine too..it's a 50/50 thing.
I don't think it was petrol related or maybe it was ...I just think she couldn't be bothered.

I'd have a quick scan through what you may have said which upset her last night, because it sounds quite unreasonable, and therefore perhaps you peeved her off without meaning to, and she is upset with you and so doesn't want to help you out. Did you pay your fairshare last night? Was she not in a great mood before the evening started?
I'm not saying you are in the wrong, because it seems like there is something else happening.

PeaceX · 23/10/2022 14:01

Pixiedust1234 · 23/10/2022 13:44

It seems your friendship has changed without you noticing. Its time to re-evaluate it now you know. If its a one off thats different but I bet there have been a few little changes in the dynamics lately.

Has she turned into a drinking buddy more than a friend?

This is important. Something that you did for her, and she knows that you know that you did it for her (obviously) when she had the opportunity to match your behavior to her, she just thought, nah.

Whether it's a lift, or favours reciprocated of any description, it's just quite blatant really. She won't do for you what you did for her.

zingally · 23/10/2022 14:03

Just think of all the time and money you'll save in the future, NOT running her home or paying for her Ubers!

Time to equalise this "friendship" OP!

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 23/10/2022 14:03

Noodge · 23/10/2022 13:34

I Find it odd that people are in disbelief about op paying for friends uber.
I read it as OP had arranged that she'd take her friend home. She then couldn't because she was hungover/tired/didn't feel up to it so she paid for an alternative

I'd do the same (& I have before). I'd agreed to do something, I cannot fulfil my side of the agreement =my responsibility to find a suitable alternative. I see it as a bit like work, I've agreed to do a report/support a meeting/see a client. Turns out something comes up and I can't =I find a suitable person to fill in/find a reasonable alternative.

However as a pp said, the part about her dropping her children off etc so couldn't let op go to her house beforehand with her car, I don't understand that.

Agree with you. Arranging for a paid Uber does not seem odd to me.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 23/10/2022 14:08

She's not a true friend I'm afraid and sees you as an acquaintance now
She is not prepared to reciprocate your kindness and is a taker not a giver
If you do want to keep her as an acquaintance( I wouldn't)
Arrange any meeting place which is convenient for you( shorter drive or cheaper Uber) I wouldn't want to stay at her place( not even a cup of tea before dropping you off... to the wrong place!) YANBU

JudgeJ · 23/10/2022 14:11

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 23/10/2022 13:58

Talk about missing the point.

Show quote history

Hitting the point on the nose, the OP's lack of forward planning isn't her friend's fault, she needs to grow up.

Shesasuperfreak · 23/10/2022 14:14

I would've posted a pick of the busstop on WhatsApp status and said "got here, just missed bus now an hour wait! Nice start to a Sunday!"

Noodge · 23/10/2022 14:15

JudgeJ · 23/10/2022 14:11

Hitting the point on the nose, the OP's lack of forward planning isn't her friend's fault, she needs to grow up.

Show quote history

Op says they've always given one another lifts home of a morning though. Also her friend wouldn't let her drop he car off.