Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was it unfair the school called social services on my 4 year old?

271 replies

Sky1992 · 23/10/2022 00:44

So just seeking for some advice....

AIBU assuming that my daughter school took it too far calling the social services over a lie she made up?

I have twin girls 4 year old. On Friday one of them had a little scab from fighting with her sister. A teacher asked what happened she said I was peeling her scab and hit her with a hanger.
When asked by senior staff she demonstrated with a paint brush a hard blow to her arm. The school then called social services because apparently an item for abuse was used they called police who said this isn't a police matter. At the end of the school day me and my partner were waiting whilst the social worker spoke to my daughter who very clearly had a great time and was giggling and even said I'm just joking. Just to be on the safe side the SW came for a quick house visit and was happy to leave it there saying she will close the case. My question is was the school too extreme calling the SS knowing this daughter of mine does tell porkie pies (this isn't her first time)?

Did the school "over react"?

P.s I never hit my children I was hit as a child and saw the effects it had on me. My daughter does tell fibs and we had a very long convo about this after. To make matters worse I'm a primary school teacher and these sort of fibs and having services invovled can effect my career.

OP posts:
NoSki · 23/10/2022 00:46

As horrible as it is the school acted perfectly and appropriately. SS came and assesses and were happy. The system works. It is designed to review 10 cases to catch the one needing seeing and the 9 other ones get left and nothing happens again. I’d be grateful the school are looking out for the kids in their care.
doeant drop it being scary for you at the time though

Flymetothezoom · 23/10/2022 00:48

You are a Primary School teacher with no understanding of safeguarding? You need training immediately. Please ask your headteacher for a refresher course.

NoSquirrels · 23/10/2022 00:48

If you’re a primary school teacher then you’ve had safeguarding training and you should know perfectly well why the school called SS, quite appropriately.

Abcdefgh1234 · 23/10/2022 00:48

Ni the school not over react. Its good the school react fast regarding abuse. If you aren’t abuse your child nothing to be afraid of. But i’m sorry sometimes abuser dont realise they are abusing their children. So i’m sorry OP i agree with the school. In my opinion no child should be lie about been abused from their parents. Maybe there is something that you dont tell completely

Vecna · 23/10/2022 00:49

It's such a specific tale she told though. At 4-years-old they can't know her that well and surely it's better to be safe than sorry.

As a teacher, what would you have done?

Xmassprout · 23/10/2022 00:49

As upsetting as it is for you, I think they acted appropriately.

Better to react to a false claim, than to not react to a true claim

stardust40 · 23/10/2022 00:50

No way .... the school 100% did the right thing ..... if they hadn't a social worker would not have come out! Can you imagine if a child told their teacher they had been hit with a hanger and the school
Did nothing?! It is not for the school to investigate and decided if truth or lie, they have a legal obligation to refer anything on!

BobbysGirly · 23/10/2022 00:52

Your child gave an explanation for her injury. The school acted appropriately.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 23/10/2022 00:52

Our school has a policy of informing the parent before the reports, that is not saying that they won't go ahead with the report anyway.

I suppose they do not have a choice whenever safeguarding is concerned.

Maybe explain to DD the dangers of lying use fibbing at 4 they understand what a lie/fib is.

CourtneeLuv · 23/10/2022 00:53

Wth, would you not report or escalate it if you were told this by one of the kids you teach??? Confused

Original poster
Sky1992 · 23/10/2022 00:54

I guess I get where you guys are coming from but this isn't her first time making lies about abuse. I honestly don't know why she does but she does and I really don't know how to help her stop. Just the day before this incident she had scratched her sister eye and when I told her that the teachers will ask what happened she apologised to her sister. She went into the next room and told her sister to say daddy hit her instead of her sister. She has a wild imagination I guess but part of me I guess felt like it was a tad bit extreme knowing that she tells porkie pies as it is. And as a teacher I would report it but the rest would be down to the school and personally if a child told me that and I know she fibs about abuse and this isn't her first time and there is no mark I'd still report it for sure but I don't know about involving social services

OP posts:
CocktailOnion2 · 23/10/2022 00:57

Surely as a primary school teacher you know and understand the protocols & procedures, or were you expecting your childs teacher to "overlook it as mum's a teacher" ? Historically ,I'm pretty sure that's how alot of abuse was ignored.
I dont think the school over reacted, even though that is stressful for the parents.

SteveHarringtonsChestHair · 23/10/2022 00:57

How are you a primary school teacher and yet referring to Children's Services as The SS?!

Everydaywheniwakeup · 23/10/2022 00:58

I'm not troll hunting but I suspect this is not true. They didn't "call Ss on your 4 year old" Schools have a duty of care and they called SS about you. If you are a teacher, you would know and understand this. If you actually are a teacher, shame on you for not understanding the basics of safeguarding .

NoSquirrels · 23/10/2022 00:58

And as a teacher I would report it but the rest would be down to the school and personally if a child told me that and I know she fibs about abuse and this isn't her first time and there is no mark I'd still report it for sure but I don't know about involving social services

Basic safeguarding procedure is that the Safeguarding Lead (to whom you’d report it as a teacher) would have no choice but to refer to SS. It’s not a decision they can or can’t make - not if they are following protocol.

watcherintherye · 23/10/2022 01:00

To make matters worse I'm a primary school teacher and these sort of fibs and having services invovled can effect my career.

I wouldn’t normally do this, but as you say you are a teacher, I feel I ought to point out that it should be affect not effect in the above sentence.

Original poster
Sky1992 · 23/10/2022 01:00

I wasn't actually worried or stressed at all as I know she has a wild imagination and has claimed things before but always come clean in the end before she's even reunited with me. And in schools we have a protocol to follow and have DSL who contact SS if in need. We as a teacher don't contact them. I guess I got the answer needed lol i just needed to know that they weren't over reacting and it's ok lol

OP posts:
Original poster
Sky1992 · 23/10/2022 01:02

The school claimed they had to call SS as she said an item was used for abuse which they felt they had to contact SS for. I mean I get I just needed to feel reassured that they weren't going OTT

OP posts:
TweetnDour · 23/10/2022 01:02

The school acted appropriately. Too many children go under the radar with deadly consequences. Better safe than sorry.

Clymene · 23/10/2022 01:04

You're a teacher and you do g know that allegations of abuse should be reported? Confused

Remaker · 23/10/2022 01:05

I think the school acted appropriately. I’m sure it is a common excuse for abusive parents to call their child a liar. (Not saying you’re doing this but it explains why they can’t just brush it off).

Why was your first response when she hurt her sister to warn her the teacher would ask? That would never occur to me to say to my child. I would be more focused on disciplining them. By focusing on the explanation you are almost encouraging her to make these stories up.

It might be just me but calling them porkie pies trivialises what she’s doing. It isn’t cute or funny.

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/10/2022 01:05

Everydaywheniwakeup · 23/10/2022 00:58

I'm not troll hunting but I suspect this is not true. They didn't "call Ss on your 4 year old" Schools have a duty of care and they called SS about you. If you are a teacher, you would know and understand this. If you actually are a teacher, shame on you for not understanding the basics of safeguarding .

No comment.

<sits on heands>

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/10/2022 01:05

Typo because I was sitting on my hands.

Original poster
Sky1992 · 23/10/2022 01:07

Lol some of you really take it out of context 😂

OP posts:
TheHateIsNotGood · 23/10/2022 01:08

YANBU - but as a Teacher yourself you must have already experienced or been aware of the Safeguarding Measures that schools interpret and adhere to in various ways?

Implemented rightly or wrongly, you're getting the Parent perspective of being on the receiving end of these Measures. It's a valuable experience to take with you in your Teaching Career; as long as it doesn't gain 'wheels' and before you know it you don't have a 'career' at all.

Primary/Nursery School Teachers do wield that power - to set a trajectory of sociallly problematic responses that can destroy families, rather than adopt a less 'lurid' interpretation.

Swipe left for the next trending thread