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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was it unfair the school called social services on my 4 year old?

271 replies

Sky1992 · 23/10/2022 00:44

So just seeking for some advice....

AIBU assuming that my daughter school took it too far calling the social services over a lie she made up?

I have twin girls 4 year old. On Friday one of them had a little scab from fighting with her sister. A teacher asked what happened she said I was peeling her scab and hit her with a hanger.
When asked by senior staff she demonstrated with a paint brush a hard blow to her arm. The school then called social services because apparently an item for abuse was used they called police who said this isn't a police matter. At the end of the school day me and my partner were waiting whilst the social worker spoke to my daughter who very clearly had a great time and was giggling and even said I'm just joking. Just to be on the safe side the SW came for a quick house visit and was happy to leave it there saying she will close the case. My question is was the school too extreme calling the SS knowing this daughter of mine does tell porkie pies (this isn't her first time)?

Did the school "over react"?

P.s I never hit my children I was hit as a child and saw the effects it had on me. My daughter does tell fibs and we had a very long convo about this after. To make matters worse I'm a primary school teacher and these sort of fibs and having services invovled can effect my career.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sky1992 · 23/10/2022 01:09

And I don't need to say my daughters lying to them she admits it before she's even handed back to me lol and as for some above troll who said why did I tell her that her twin sisters teacher was going to ask about the scratch was because that was my way of making her understand.

OP posts:
Clymene · 23/10/2022 01:11

I think the likelihood of you being a teacher with a post graduate qualification and safeguarding training is slim to none.

Well, I'm hoping so.

JockTamsonsBairns · 23/10/2022 01:14

I'm shocked that, as a primary school teacher, you seem so vague on normal safeguarding protocols.
I'm also dismayed that your grammar and sentence construction is so poor.

Original poster
Sky1992 · 23/10/2022 01:14

Keep on hoping then I guess

OP posts:
Original poster
Sky1992 · 23/10/2022 01:17

Lol funny thing is if I didn't mention I'm a class teacher then....
a) I wouldn't be bashed left right centre for my grammar which is mainly down to auto correct and I can't be bothered to type correctly or ensure its formal
b) I wouldn't be corned for not knowing about safeguarding enough etc and yes I would have reported it if a child told me ofcourse but the nature of this case is more different than an average child claiming of abuse

I can confirm I am content now knowing that it wasn't really over the top and I guess now I'm not actually annoyed with the school anymore

OP posts:
Rainraindontgoaway · 23/10/2022 01:19

Your approach to safeguarding children as a teacher is very concerning.
I do hope this is BS and you are just trying to get some attention, if not, I think you need further training.

kitcat15 · 23/10/2022 01:22

Fuck , very scary that you are a teacher with such a lax approach to safeguarding🙄

Original poster
Sky1992 · 23/10/2022 01:22

It's really not BS but I got the answer I needed and I feel much more at ease now knowing the school didn't act over the top

OP posts:
Rainraindontgoaway · 23/10/2022 01:25

Sky1992 · 23/10/2022 01:22

It's really not BS but I got the answer I needed and I feel much more at ease now knowing the school didn't act over the top

Why on earth are you even questioning it? You sound incompetent.

MajorCarolDanvers · 23/10/2022 01:25

School were 100% correct and you need to go on a safeguarding refresher course - if you really are a teacher.

FiveMins · 23/10/2022 01:27

For god sake. Do you realise how many children are abused physically, emotionally and sexually. In every class at least one. You should be hyper alert looking out for signs. I worry for the children in your care that you are not spotting. Because some poor child you look after will be being regularly abused and some will be being raped. Awful but true. They won't say those words but the signs will be there.

jonassisters · 23/10/2022 01:31
  1. "I was hit as a child" Abuse breeds abuse. Abusers tend to come from a violent background. Not everyone turns abusive but parenting is very hard and can be very triggering
  2. It's more likely that an adult accused of abuse to say the child is making it up
  3. Where even would your child get these ideas to fib about? Are they witnessing violence on TV/YouTube/gaming whatever? Are you letting them watch aggressive things?
  4. Abused children can giggle and smile and often protect their parents even if their parents hurt them. Giggling is a coping method for some people when there is too much tension.
CJsGoldfish · 23/10/2022 01:31

Lol some of you really take it out of context 😂
Glad it is an amusing topic to you.
Thankfully, the school is far better at understanding safeguarding protocols than you 🙄

kitcat15 · 23/10/2022 01:32

Sky1992 · 23/10/2022 01:17

Lol funny thing is if I didn't mention I'm a class teacher then....
a) I wouldn't be bashed left right centre for my grammar which is mainly down to auto correct and I can't be bothered to type correctly or ensure its formal
b) I wouldn't be corned for not knowing about safeguarding enough etc and yes I would have reported it if a child told me ofcourse but the nature of this case is more different than an average child claiming of abuse

I can confirm I am content now knowing that it wasn't really over the top and I guess now I'm not actually annoyed with the school anymore

‘The average child claiming of abuse’ ….I mean WTF does that mean??

Original poster
Sky1992 · 23/10/2022 01:34

Loool and now I'm being accused of abusing my kids. Some of you really do take it out of context like really really out of context and that is why I find it funny. I don't find safeguarding funny but I find some of you funny.

OP posts:
drunkinthebackofthecar · 23/10/2022 01:34

I would have thought a child repeatedly lying about abuse is more of a red flag for a teacher that something untoward is going on. School behaved completely appropriately.

Georgeandzippyzoo · 23/10/2022 01:34

TheHateIsNotGood · 23/10/2022 01:08

YANBU - but as a Teacher yourself you must have already experienced or been aware of the Safeguarding Measures that schools interpret and adhere to in various ways?

Implemented rightly or wrongly, you're getting the Parent perspective of being on the receiving end of these Measures. It's a valuable experience to take with you in your Teaching Career; as long as it doesn't gain 'wheels' and before you know it you don't have a 'career' at all.

Primary/Nursery School Teachers do wield that power - to set a trajectory of sociallly problematic responses that can destroy families, rather than adopt a less 'lurid' interpretation.

Schools do NOT interpret and adhere in different ways . If they did they would be in for it. School staff have a LEGAL obligation to report when a child claims something. A general class teacher has NO say what happens after that.
If you are found not to have reported something you could be sacked.
Schools do not act on anything after they make their report. They do not make the judgement, social services do that.

Too many children have been injured and sadly killed because reports were not given, not acted upon or services were not working jointly.

It's an awful thing to happen to OP but as a PP has said it may not be true in 9/10 cases, but that 1 case could save a child.

Malfi · 23/10/2022 01:35

I don’t believe you’re a teacher. The school acted completely appropriately.

Vecna · 23/10/2022 01:41

This "you're not a teacher" pile-on is daft. She may not be, but the average class teacher does not have that much to do with safeguarding procedures. Their duty is to report everything to the safeguarding officer and leave it there. They're not even entitled to updates. What is and isn't reported to other authorities is not within a class teacher's remit.

kitcat15 · 23/10/2022 01:42

TheHateIsNotGood · 23/10/2022 01:08

YANBU - but as a Teacher yourself you must have already experienced or been aware of the Safeguarding Measures that schools interpret and adhere to in various ways?

Implemented rightly or wrongly, you're getting the Parent perspective of being on the receiving end of these Measures. It's a valuable experience to take with you in your Teaching Career; as long as it doesn't gain 'wheels' and before you know it you don't have a 'career' at all.

Primary/Nursery School Teachers do wield that power - to set a trajectory of sociallly problematic responses that can destroy families, rather than adopt a less 'lurid' interpretation.

‘Interpret and adhere to in various ways’…..have you never heard of the government statutory guidance document, working together to safeguard children?….there is no wiggle room for schools to interpret this any other way than how it is set out in black and white…… school don’t interpret anything…..they share information by a referral to childrens services…..it’s up to the Social workers what happens from then on

redbigbananafeet · 23/10/2022 01:44

Sky1992 · 23/10/2022 00:54

I guess I get where you guys are coming from but this isn't her first time making lies about abuse. I honestly don't know why she does but she does and I really don't know how to help her stop. Just the day before this incident she had scratched her sister eye and when I told her that the teachers will ask what happened she apologised to her sister. She went into the next room and told her sister to say daddy hit her instead of her sister. She has a wild imagination I guess but part of me I guess felt like it was a tad bit extreme knowing that she tells porkie pies as it is. And as a teacher I would report it but the rest would be down to the school and personally if a child told me that and I know she fibs about abuse and this isn't her first time and there is no mark I'd still report it for sure but I don't know about involving social services

All children fib, it's part of their development. Does that mean teachers then don't investigate when they hint at abuse from home? That sounds incredibly dangerous. As a teacher you should be trained in safeguarding and know this.

Original poster
Sky1992 · 23/10/2022 01:45

Well nice to know someone understands. I'm actually a really good teacher that's the best part and I do what I have to do in terms of safeguarding and only those that aren't teachers or in the education sector seem to assume I have soooo much power when it comes to social services etc. I report and go back to teach thats it until im guided further. I just really needed to know if the school took it over board.

OP posts:
NorthStarRising · 23/10/2022 01:47

Have you just started your teaching career?
You seem unfamiliar with how safeguarding procedures work in schools, have you read the protocols and policies for your own school?
Talk to the person who is lead in your school, so you understand what your responsibilities are if a child reports being hit with an implement at home to you.

Everydaywheniwakeup · 23/10/2022 01:48

I am a teacher. I've been teaching for 25 years. And because of that I feel justified in saying you need to sort out your safeguarding training because your attitude towards, and knowledge about safeguarding are appalling.

TheHateIsNotGood · 23/10/2022 01:50

George I'm not undermining Safeguarding Measures but as you say 9/10ths of the time it's nothing but 1/10th of the time the Measures could help protect a child.

What do you think happens with the 9/10 ths who aren't harming their child at all? Calling SS is complete overkill and not needed in the first instance. I've been on the receiving end of Primary School Teachers judging my ability to parent and yes, they negatively impacted our lives because of it.

But, SS were never involved - they had no reason to be - it was just a case of ASD and not the bad single mum in a council house parenting that these young and inexperienced people (who happened to be teachers) described.

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