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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was it unfair the school called social services on my 4 year old?

271 replies

Sky1992 · 23/10/2022 00:44

So just seeking for some advice....

AIBU assuming that my daughter school took it too far calling the social services over a lie she made up?

I have twin girls 4 year old. On Friday one of them had a little scab from fighting with her sister. A teacher asked what happened she said I was peeling her scab and hit her with a hanger.
When asked by senior staff she demonstrated with a paint brush a hard blow to her arm. The school then called social services because apparently an item for abuse was used they called police who said this isn't a police matter. At the end of the school day me and my partner were waiting whilst the social worker spoke to my daughter who very clearly had a great time and was giggling and even said I'm just joking. Just to be on the safe side the SW came for a quick house visit and was happy to leave it there saying she will close the case. My question is was the school too extreme calling the SS knowing this daughter of mine does tell porkie pies (this isn't her first time)?

Did the school "over react"?

P.s I never hit my children I was hit as a child and saw the effects it had on me. My daughter does tell fibs and we had a very long convo about this after. To make matters worse I'm a primary school teacher and these sort of fibs and having services invovled can effect my career.

OP posts:
JustLyra · 23/10/2022 15:31

Sky1992 · 23/10/2022 15:04

My twins have been in their school for the past 2 years they were in nursery for a full academic year and a half a year before that. The staff know me very well on a personal level and how they do I won't bother mentioning that. So this isn't the first time....

Your 4 year olds have been in the school building for 3+ years…

Usually trolls are better at maths than that

Original poster
Sky1992 · 23/10/2022 15:34

1 year in nursery plus near enough a year before they turned 3 and this half term makes 2 years. Wow that must have been really hard for some of you to count.

OP posts:
JanglyBeads · 23/10/2022 15:57

Oh you meant that they've been in the school nursery for nearly two years?
I thought state school nurseries were only for rising 4s?

Or is this a private school?

Do tell us more about the reason they know you well seeing as you've mentioned that fact?

Razu45 · 23/10/2022 16:16

Sky1992 · 23/10/2022 15:34

1 year in nursery plus near enough a year before they turned 3 and this half term makes 2 years. Wow that must have been really hard for some of you to count.

Wow that must have been really hard for some of you to count.

on the basis of this thread - I wouldn’t be surprised if you say this kind of thing to the children you teach

2bazookas · 23/10/2022 16:17

IF you're a qualified trained teacher than you must know perfectly well that every time a child exhibits or claims any safeguarding issues, the school staff MUST follow procedure. To protect THEIR professional careers.

Habitual lying, blaming others and persistent attention seeking, are sometimes reactions to abuse. So ignoring those behaviours "because she does it all the time" would be absolutely the wrong response.

I

Razu45 · 23/10/2022 16:20

Sky1992 · 23/10/2022 08:33

If a child did what my daughter did then obviously I would report it. I have a duty of care but NO to most of you I seen to know nothing lol. The post was just asking if the school went too far KNOWING she has made lies up before around abuse.

Essentially you are saying

if a young child lies in the past, do not take seriously and follow required safeguarding processes because it seems like it could be another lie.

Thankfully, thankfully, the system understands that abused children, indeed children, indeed human beings, don’t always approach things the right way when they are being abused, scared, fearful, and the safeguarding process doesn’t say “if the child has lied before, ignore all future allegations”

You are utterly failing the children in your care OP if you adopt the “give a dog bad name” mentality

Razu45 · 23/10/2022 16:25

Sky1992 · 23/10/2022 15:04

My twins have been in their school for the past 2 years they were in nursery for a full academic year and a half a year before that. The staff know me very well on a personal level and how they do I won't bother mentioning that. So this isn't the first time....

Sounds ominous

ellie21 · 23/10/2022 16:37

In your previous posts it seems that you have worked primarily as a TA in early years. Last year you started a PGCE but felt unsupported as you were still being used as a TA. I don't know if you went on to qualify as a teacher but you clearly have not been in the job long.
Take some advice from previous posters on here and do some reading into Safeguarding - the KCSIE document is a start.
As a teacher safeguarding should be at the forefront of everything you do. It's not a 'lol' thing.
You should also have some pride in the way you write and come across as a teacher. It's important to be professional!
I hope the situation is sorted with your daughters.

BounceBackBoris · 23/10/2022 17:18

And I would expect that the LADO has been informed. It is standard practice when an allegation involves a teacher. That doesn’t mean the LADO takes any action

Laurama91 · 23/10/2022 17:28

Nursery called ss about my niece. She had previously poured a cup of hot coffee over herself and had newly healed scars which didn't look good if you didnt know. She is also a wild child, not girly at all and her grandparents own a farm so she was forever climbing. They called because of her scars and some bruises. Same thing happened as you. They did home visit, nothing wrong and it was all over.

I'd rather them check then end up with another one of these horror stories. If something were happening and no one did anything there would be uproar

JanglyBeads · 23/10/2022 17:29

By the abuse you suffered you mean how you were hit as a child, is that right (just reread the OP)?

marcopront · 23/10/2022 19:39

Sky1992 · 23/10/2022 15:04

My twins have been in their school for the past 2 years they were in nursery for a full academic year and a half a year before that. The staff know me very well on a personal level and how they do I won't bother mentioning that. So this isn't the first time....

Can't you see that your use of "before that" is what caused confusion.

Lachimolala · 23/10/2022 19:51

JanglyBeads · 23/10/2022 15:57

Oh you meant that they've been in the school nursery for nearly two years?
I thought state school nurseries were only for rising 4s?

Or is this a private school?

Do tell us more about the reason they know you well seeing as you've mentioned that fact?

My kids school nursery takes kids from 2 yo. So it’s possible kids could be there 2/3 years before they start school depending on birthday dates.

HideTheCroissants · 23/10/2022 22:37

OP, When was the last time you read KCSIE? Our DSL makes sure we read it EVERY time there is an amendment (no matter how slight) on top of our annual safeguarding refreshers.

If you genuinely pay attention in your training (and I know it’s hard - some of the info is very distressing) then you shouldn’t have to question the actions if your child’s school because your training will have told you that their actions were 109% correct.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 23/10/2022 23:17

HideTheCroissants · 23/10/2022 22:37

OP, When was the last time you read KCSIE? Our DSL makes sure we read it EVERY time there is an amendment (no matter how slight) on top of our annual safeguarding refreshers.

If you genuinely pay attention in your training (and I know it’s hard - some of the info is very distressing) then you shouldn’t have to question the actions if your child’s school because your training will have told you that their actions were 109% correct.

Don't think she's ever read it, as she thinks it's not her legal responsibility to report anything because there's a DSL.

Like things never happen when the DSL is out/sick/it's out of hours.

BlackKittyMama · 23/10/2022 23:29

As a teacher, wouldn’t you have done the same thing? Or would you have assumed the child was lying?

Emmelina · 24/10/2022 01:38

HideTheCroissants · 23/10/2022 22:37

OP, When was the last time you read KCSIE? Our DSL makes sure we read it EVERY time there is an amendment (no matter how slight) on top of our annual safeguarding refreshers.

If you genuinely pay attention in your training (and I know it’s hard - some of the info is very distressing) then you shouldn’t have to question the actions if your child’s school because your training will have told you that their actions were 109% correct.

Previous posts by OP suggest she is NQT at best as was doing her PGCE last academic year. If that’s true, KCSIE will be VERY fresh in her mind.

Scurryfunge12 · 24/10/2022 05:26

This doesn’t ring true at all. You’re providing too much detail and protesting too much, IMO. The 4 year old is also telling very elaborate ‘’lies’’ for her age and if you’re a teacher, I’m gobsmacked!

HowVeryBizarre · 24/10/2022 05:38

Mandatory reporters don’t have a choice. The paperwork is a pita, they are not doing it for laughs,

JustLyra · 24/10/2022 09:58

Like things never happen when the DSL is out/sick/it's out of hours.

Its also clearly never occurred to her that the DSL could be the issue, another reason folks need to know the next step.

neilyoungismyhero · 21/04/2023 00:51

watcherintherye · 23/10/2022 01:00

To make matters worse I'm a primary school teacher and these sort of fibs and having services invovled can effect my career.

I wouldn’t normally do this, but as you say you are a teacher, I feel I ought to point out that it should be affect not effect in the above sentence.

Was thinking exactly the same myself.

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