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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh unemployed and spending on my salary

305 replies

Boxshibe · 22/10/2022 14:24

I'm pissed off. Dh has gone to meetca mate with the dogs for what I thought was a drink then walking the dogs together. So far he's spent £60 in the pub. I'm pissed off.
He quit his job end of July and is struggling to find a new one ( whole other story) so we've lost 2/3 of our income. I can pay rent bills and food if we're vv careful. He promised me that he'd only spend around £20 after the train fate to meet his friend. So annoyed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Boxshibe · 22/10/2022 14:24

Sorry fat fingers

OP posts:
SerenaTee · 22/10/2022 14:27

Can you freeze your card on your bank account?

Bigbadfish · 22/10/2022 14:27

Cancel his card and give him a set amount of cash.

Original poster
Boxshibe · 22/10/2022 14:28

I could but he never goes out so I feel really mean. We just promised the amount he'd spend. It looks like he's buying everything

OP posts:
RebeccaRose92 · 22/10/2022 14:28

You’re a bit controlling. He’s your husband, that means legally it’s both of your money. £60 as a one off doesn’t sound unreasonable. Do you have anxiety, OP?

pensionconfusion · 22/10/2022 14:29

Send him a message.

Batshittery · 22/10/2022 14:29

How has he managed to spend £60? Shock
I like a drink but that is some going
Block the card

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 22/10/2022 14:29

RebeccaRose92 · 22/10/2022 14:28

You’re a bit controlling. He’s your husband, that means legally it’s both of your money. £60 as a one off doesn’t sound unreasonable. Do you have anxiety, OP?

Bollocks

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 22/10/2022 14:30

RebeccaRose92 · 22/10/2022 14:28

You’re a bit controlling. He’s your husband, that means legally it’s both of your money. £60 as a one off doesn’t sound unreasonable. Do you have anxiety, OP?

Oh for crying out loud!

Original poster
Boxshibe · 22/10/2022 14:31

I know I'm needing a bit controlling but we have a vvv tight budget ATM. It's my dd birthday later this month and I feel guilty we can't buy her all she wants and she's not asking for much.

OP posts:
Greennetting · 22/10/2022 14:32

RebeccaRose92 · 22/10/2022 14:28

You’re a bit controlling. He’s your husband, that means legally it’s both of your money. £60 as a one off doesn’t sound unreasonable. Do you have anxiety, OP?

£60 when you have lost 2/3 of your income sounds like a lot actually.

And why wouldn't the OP be anxious about it? He's spent three times as much as the agreed upon and I'm guessing the amount agreed upon was whT was actually affordable.

YukoandHiro · 22/10/2022 14:32

Block the card and when he asks claim you have a limit on it to control your own spending and make sure that you can make bills and rent while he's not working.

MintJulia · 22/10/2022 14:32

I'd send him a text saying £60 is enough for any sort of lunch, and how is the job search going?

IMissVino · 22/10/2022 14:32

Batshittery · 22/10/2022 14:29

How has he managed to spend £60? Shock
I like a drink but that is some going
Block the card

Not if you live in London and like nice wine. A large glass of some nice plonk is £12 in my local. Cocktails cost more. Even if he’s just on craft ales (£7-9), it’s easily done if he’s paying for both of them.

MichelleScarn · 22/10/2022 14:32

"We've lost 2/3 of our income" what was he like with money when he was providing 2/3 of the family income?

LaurieFairyCake · 22/10/2022 14:32

They've had lunch in the pub

He's a bloke, harder for them to say I can't afford it as it loses 'face' - shame and embarrassment worst emotions for males

Bet you he comes back with 'mate wanted to talk about how there would be work at his place/job opportunity'

Bananalanacake · 22/10/2022 14:33

Is he actually looking for another job.

Skinnermarink · 22/10/2022 14:33

RebeccaRose92 · 22/10/2022 14:28

You’re a bit controlling. He’s your husband, that means legally it’s both of your money. £60 as a one off doesn’t sound unreasonable. Do you have anxiety, OP?

Sorry, what the actual fuck?

IMissVino · 22/10/2022 14:33

RebeccaRose92 · 22/10/2022 14:28

You’re a bit controlling. He’s your husband, that means legally it’s both of your money. £60 as a one off doesn’t sound unreasonable. Do you have anxiety, OP?

If they can’t afford it, they can’t afford it. Nothing controlling about it.

SerenaTee · 22/10/2022 14:33

RebeccaRose92 · 22/10/2022 14:28

You’re a bit controlling. He’s your husband, that means legally it’s both of your money. £60 as a one off doesn’t sound unreasonable. Do you have anxiety, OP?

Are you unable to comprehend the OP? They’ve lost two thirds of their income and he’s already spent 3 times what they’d agreed on. Being annoyed or worried about that isn’t controlling or a symptom of anxiety 🙄

Original poster
Boxshibe · 22/10/2022 14:35

I know which is why I'm venting on mumsnet. He's also been buying smart stuff to make our house more economic friendly which is good but I'm worrying about this months bill not future ones.

OP posts:
mumofgirl1 · 22/10/2022 14:35

RebeccaRose92 · 22/10/2022 14:28

You’re a bit controlling. He’s your husband, that means legally it’s both of your money. £60 as a one off doesn’t sound unreasonable. Do you have anxiety, OP?

I wouldn't say she was. She's said she can afford to pay the bills if there very very careful spending £60 when money is tight is not being responsible and she has every rights to be annoyed when she's the one footing the bills at the minute.

Batshittery · 22/10/2022 14:36

IMissVino · 22/10/2022 14:32

Not if you live in London and like nice wine. A large glass of some nice plonk is £12 in my local. Cocktails cost more. Even if he’s just on craft ales (£7-9), it’s easily done if he’s paying for both of them.

Show quote history

I'm glad I live in the North Grin

Bigbadfish · 22/10/2022 14:36

So stop him! You haven't mentioned any children so tell him there is no more our money. That until he gets a job its your money and he doesn't spend without your say as he clearly can't be trusted not to ruin you both.

SlashBeef · 22/10/2022 14:36

I'd freeze the card.