Dh unemployed and spending on my salary

[Boxshibe]

I'm pissed off. Dh has gone to meetca mate with the dogs for what I thought was a drink then walking the dogs together. So far he's spent £60 in the pub. I'm pissed off.
He quit his job end of July and is struggling to find a new one ( whole other story) so we've lost 2/3 of our income. I can pay rent bills and food if we're vv careful. He promised me that he'd only spend around £20 after the train fate to meet his friend. So annoyed.

Perhaps he's using his card to pay for both of them and his friend is given him cash.

It's pretty rare for someone in IT with experience to be out of work for months.

How many jobs has he applied to in all these months?

even if he is in the fanciest of london cocktails bars (unlikely as they have taken their dogs!) it would be max £30 for 2 drinks, then off for the walk.

so one assumes more a country pub, and they have had lunch too, paid for by the husband with several wines/tip. possible the other chap will transfer half i suppose but most people out with a mate would just offer over 2 credit cards if they had decided on lunch and split it.

My local pub ( east midlands) charges £7.50 for a medium glass of wine. Which is why I rarely drink in pubs !

Patronising much?

Exactly. £60 is a week's food shop for me and DH. And no, I am NOT exaggerating or trying to be competitive. We really only spend £50 to £70 a week. Average £60 obvs!

£60 on a lunchtime jolly not much?!!! FFS! It's a LOT. I think it's a lot, and me and DH are OK financially. Not poor/not rich, but OK.

Over 20. Had approx 10 + interviews most got to 2nd if not 3rd stage.. I'm getting worried and frustrated

I'd be livid.
You agreed a limit, he completely fucked you over.

Unless he's coming home with 40 quid in his pocket. I'd be considering putting your wage in a personal account to which he has no access.

Send a message and ask if he’s lost his card as so much more than he said has been spent.

This word is so overused on MN. The OP is not controlling, she is worried because money is tight.

Are you the husband?

I bet @RebeccaRose92 's head tilted when she posted that.

@RebeccaRose92 · Today 14:28
You’re a bit controlling. He’s your husband, that means legally it’s both of your money. £60 as a one off doesn’t sound unreasonable. Do you have anxiety, OP?

Where do posters like you come from? He quit his job so no he is not entitled to spend family money on an afternoon out when they are struggling to live morally or otherwise

It the tables were turned wouldn't you like the flexibility to spend a bit extra as a one off? I think you're being a bit harsh. Unless this is a regular thing of course.

OP, how do you how much he is spending if he's still out?

The poor little menz.🙄🙄🙄 Also sexist rubbish. Men's embarrassment does not trump everything and I bet it's nowt of the sort

I'd love to spend the money as a one off but last week I was eating cup noodles in a hotel as I could afford to eat out.

Freeze the card OP.

OP has already said that she can cover rent, bills and food "if we're vv careful." With an upcoming birthday which will already be a struggle, it sounds to me like the OP will spend the rest of the month desperately trying to work out how to pay for basic living expenses.
Socializing is nice, but it should never involve spending money which is needed for rent or bills, no matter which sex the person spending it is.

OP, how do you how much he is spending if he's still out?

My bank sends me a text message when any money is spent from out joint account. I think it's fairly common.

How does he not realise you don’t have that money now? He’s chosen not to work since July, he knows but doesn’t care. It’s unacceptable OP, tell him he gets a job tomorrow or there is no more money to spend.

Mine does too, but only if it's over £100. Doesn't text me for every £12, £19.50, £3.95, £7.13, £15 etc, etc... Even if I had 10 transactions totalling £112 it wouldn't let me know, only if it's ONE transaction over £100.

Lots of places recruit over Christmas, particularly retail and hospitality. It might not be a job he wants, but I will bring some money in until he gets a job he does want.

Flexibility to spend extra only works when there's extra to spend though!

hmmm, I guess it's possible he's paying for his friend who will refund him.

It sounds pretty crap but at least your husband has been actively trying to get a job.
I'm a man and my wife has been redundant for almost two years.
The strict criteria she has in place means she's hardly applying for any job and has only had one interview this year!
Very, very frustrating.

Op, you NEED to limit his spending money if he's not willing to take the responsibility on himself (although that's a huge red flag there).

Ive been there and you will end up spending nothing on yourself, going nowhere, seeing no-one as it's the only surefire way for you to limit spending when your "partner" is too busy boosting his self esteem by buying rounds.

Work out what your joint "spends" are for the month once everything is accounted for, divide it in half and then that's what he gets in his account. He will not believe it is so little, but DO NOT sacrifice your fair share for him if he's not willing to sacrifice for you.

Preferably, give him the job of setting the budget and making sure everything gets paid before treats - he's not working so he should be taking on tasks like this.