Dh unemployed and spending on my salary

[Boxshibe]

I'm pissed off. Dh has gone to meetca mate with the dogs for what I thought was a drink then walking the dogs together. So far he's spent £60 in the pub. I'm pissed off.
He quit his job end of July and is struggling to find a new one ( whole other story) so we've lost 2/3 of our income. I can pay rent bills and food if we're vv careful. He promised me that he'd only spend around £20 after the train fate to meet his friend. So annoyed.

But if you were on a tight budget, you wouldn't be going out somewhere where drinks cost £20 a round. You'd go to Tesco and then to someone's house, or go to Wetherspoons.

OP’s husband has been the larger breadwinner for years, he loses his job

He didn't lose it. He quit.

The point is that when there are two good salaries coming in, an occasional wine bar lunch is fine.

When there is only 3/4 of a salary coming in, it isn't OK. At all. Who earns it is irrelevant.

Who earns it isn't irrelevant to the OP.
Read the thread title.

"Totally fucking waster", "what a loser", "deadbeat"?
You should really be ashamed of yourself and hope your environment doesn't judge you and your actions accordingly...

I'd stop the card and when asked 'oh, it must mean that there's no money left'.

And I would never go on a worktrip at my own cost anymore, as it's not my responsibility to finance my employer. I won't even buy biscuits or milk because it can take months to get it back, so they have chocolate bourbon-less these days. Tough shit, not my problem.

I did it politely, but I told them I couldn't afford to pay out in advance and then wait to be reimbursed. As it is, I can afford a packet of biscuits these days, but I'm keeping that boundary.

Whatever. He left his job, presumably he had his reasons. When my husband was having awful issues at work, I encouraged him to quit because it was damaging his mental well being. I didn’t then confiscate his cards and give him a daily allowance.

@Aprilx but the OP's husband has been looking for work so he's not incapable of working. He needs to understand their household income isn't wasn't it was and can't just spend triple what they'd agreed on without consultation.
Presumably your husband was sensible about what you could and couldn't afford.

@mathanxiety

Not if you don't put dates for exams and leave out unrelated first jobs

Well you're very lucky to have the financial cushion to be able to afford to do that @Aprilx

It's very clear from the OP's posts that her family doesn't.

The irony of him being too ashamed / proud to get seasonal work but not too not work at all whilst spending money you don't have.

You need to tell him to get over himself and bring some money in.

Ever noticed how usually women reply to a thread first hour or so , then it gets targeted by men's rights activists who use terrible insults and massive derails to turn it sour.

I'm just sick of them being here.
Imagine just how empty a life they must have and how vile they must be to target a women's forum so they can shit on women here to talk to each other and ask for advice.

Op have you explained to him why him spending 3x your agreed amount was out of order? What have you agreed going FORWARDS.?

Ever noticed how usually women reply to a thread first hour or so , then it gets targeted by men's rights activists who use terrible insults and massive derails to turn it sour.

I'm just sick of them being here.
Imagine just how empty a life they must have and how vile they must be to target a women's forum so they can shit on women here to talk to each other and ask for advice

Yes, it's really annoying.
Especially the ones saying "if the genders were reversed" and claiming that we are hypocrites because on some recent thread (which they never link to btw) the advice was different.
Different circumstances. Different advice.

You mean people who disagree with you?

How old is somebody with a CSE Grade 1 in Maths? Answer - over 50
How old is somebody with a GCSE Grade A in History? Answer - between 49 and 22
How old is somebody with a particular qualification? Answer - you'll know because qualification names and titles vary within specific timescales
How old is somebody who has to give a full work history and explain any gaps in their employment history in order to comply with Safer Recruitment procedures? Answer - you'll know because they have to list every job and gap

It's like how they insist they aren't discriminating against disabled people because they don't ask about it on the application - except if you've been out of the workplace for a period due to disability, you have to disclose your employment gap and explain it, thus enabling them to discount anybody who discloses they are disabled because they've followed the rules on detailing all gaps - and would also be discounted if they didn't disclose them, as the checks would show they were lying

Oh, and even email addresses can be used to profile an applicant.

Aol? Likely to be around 60
Hotmail? 45+
Rocketmail? Same
Yahoo? 35+ more likely to be from an ethnic minority (the coverage was better in some countries early on, so it was a more common provider to use)
Btinternet? 50+ and not very technically minded, because they've been with the same internet provider for decades
Sky? Could be profiled as a Sky Sports viewer
Virgin? Probably 39+ and a bit mad because their service is shit
Interia or wp? They're Polish.
Uses something like Jsmith89@ ? Have a punt at the age.

You can even look up when an email account was created to give an idea of the age of the person (supposed to be used for identifying spam, but can be used for this)

Gmail is the current non-identifying email account provider, Apple slightly so, but it's effectively saying they have an iPhone, which won't always be the preferred brand - so will become an age signifier.

I've got a rocketmail.com address and I'm barely 31

Why did dh quit a job when he is nearly 60

he needs to find a job asap

pissing up the wall £60 is insane when you had borrow money off parents for a work expense

and you are struggling to pay for your daughter birthday presents

a job lead - what kind of job and how does this friend know of it

I'm finding it hard to believe he found a job lead in the pub (unless they had barwork going)

Yeah? Then prove it, go find the exact same situation in reverse with these same posters saying the opposite. Can’t do it? Then stop telling us what we’d be saying when you have absolutely no idea, all in order to defend the Poor Menz 🙄

Pretty sure if money was so tight that he was stressing about his daughters birthday, she’d be told to get a fucking job and stop leaving it all on his shoulders, especially if she wasn’t even a stay at home mum. But if you have access to some secret threads that the rest of us haven’t seen that proves us wrong, please do share.

You’re spot on. There’s been an influx of Poor Menz and “if this was the other way around” posts recently. It’s boring and pathetic.
Why don’t they fuck off to Reddit if they can’t tolerate women being centered, and maybe even favoured occasionally? I mean god forbid there’s one tiny corner of the internet that might prioritise women for once.

Saw that this had been resurrected after three days of silence but I see nothing new has happened, just more of what's already been said 100 times. Wish op would come back for an update.

If he's an IT/SW developer/team leader I'm shocked he can't find a role - major in demand skills and a lot of remote roles/flexible working.
Is he holding out for the perfect job? I'm sorry drinking kids birthday budget away is shit in this situation although I know a single friend who was made redundant x2 and she said unemployment was soul destroying especially during covid so having friends/dog walking some fun is important.

I can't believe he's got troubles getting IT job with such a staff shortage. As you said, I bet he's aiming for dream job, meanwhile spending 60 quid on drinks with tight budget. No matter man or woman, it's not the time for your family to be frivolous with money.