Dh unemployed and spending on my salary

[Boxshibe]

I'm pissed off. Dh has gone to meetca mate with the dogs for what I thought was a drink then walking the dogs together. So far he's spent £60 in the pub. I'm pissed off.
He quit his job end of July and is struggling to find a new one ( whole other story) so we've lost 2/3 of our income. I can pay rent bills and food if we're vv careful. He promised me that he'd only spend around £20 after the train fate to meet his friend. So annoyed.

No, it really doesn’t 🙄
You’re mixing legal ownership up with divorce.
If I earn money and my husband takes it without my permission (with intent to permanently deprive blah blah) then that is legally theft.
I’m not calling this theft. Just point out that since the early 20th century, things have actually moved on and woman can legally own things in their own right even when - horrors! - they are married women.

Christ! What kind of luxury are you living in when not only do you not consider 60 to be a lot but you can't understand that for many it is?!

RebeccaRose92 · Today 14:28
You’re a bit controlling. He’s your husband, that means legally it’s both of your money. £60 as a one off doesn’t sound unreasonable. Do you have anxiety, OP?

Come off it, £60 in the pub is a lot of money when you only have one income, plus the OP says he's spent £60 SO FAR, it could be even more come later this afternoon.

Royal Mail always recruit this time of year jobs.royalmailgroup.com/go/Christmas-Recruitment/4479401/

Beggars can't be choosers any he needs a job.

Hello husband are you back from the pub?

That'll go down well but I agree with you. It's only ever 'family money' when the male is earning it. If a man got stroppy about a woman spending 'his' money the reactions would be totally different!

Why are you intent on blaming OP for the fact her husband cannot be trusted to consider the needs of his family?

And where on earth have you pulled 'anxiety' from, based on her OP?

I would be furious too. £60 is loads when you are worrying about buying winter coats for your dds and birthday gifts for one of them too.

Is it possible that he has his head in the sand and just doesn't get how tight things are at the moment? As I would be sitting him down on his return and spelling that out. It is unacceptable.

Exactly!

Stop making excuses for men. You’re patronising them and they don’t need it. He knows they’re on a tight budget and he’s choosing to do it anyway. I hate all this, ‘the poor menz’ narrative. They’re not idiots and they’re not children.

I understand your worry and frustration.
10 interviews out of 20 is a very good response.
20 applications isn't that many.
5 to 10 a day is normal.

Has there been any feedback at all why he wasn't selected?

He could try for contract work. It's usually a bit easier to get than full time employee.

Hi Op . I know the post office are recruting for Christmas positions. I imagine lots of places are looking for Christmas staff. It might not be his dream job, but it'll look good on his CV and bring you in some much needed money!

Have you not put the budgeting responsibility fully on him? How’s he going to find the money to fund his kids coats and birthday presents? Make him answer that. Pissing £60 down the toilet when he can’t clothe his kids is shameful.

The fundamental problem is that your husband hasn’t worked for 3 months now in a field that changes rapidly and where it’s going to get harder finding anything if he’s out of work for too long. It sounds like he has been trying at least, and it must feel harsh to be rejected so often, especially getting your hopes up again and again only to fall at the last hurdle.

I wonder if his pub spending spree is the equivalent of „retail therapy“, or like eating a whole bar of chocolate when you feel down and depressed about being too fat. So, totally counterproductive, but done because you’ve reached that „fuckit“ point of depression and the lure of instant gratification trumps all rational thinking.

This doesn’t mean it’s excusable, but perhaps understandable. He needs to get a job. He may be at a disadvantage because of his age, and because he’s been out of work. On the other hand, there is such a recruitment shortage in IT at the moment. Also lots more flexibility about wfh now which opens up more opportunities.

Can he sign up with an agency? Lots of agency work in that sector, a good way to tide him over and might lead to further opportunities.
Has he looked at Civil Service jobs? (Perhaps less likely to have age discrimination).

Shes not controlling. Its unreasonable that DH is spending money they can’t efford for him to spend, plus they both agreed what he would spend.

FFS. I have anxiety when there isn’t enough money to pay the bills and buy my children a birthday present.
Legally the money is both of theirs but that doesn’t mean he is entitled to spend £60 On a day out when they are living on a really tight budget. Having a pint while walking the dogs is fair enough, but £60 is a lot to spend when there is very little spare cash for the family.

Not if it meant they couldn't afford birthday presents for their child, it wouldn't!

Why can’t he just get a minimum wage job until he gets the job he wants?

Absolutely baffled.

£60 when you're unemployed is a lot of money

I'm trying to be supportive with his looking for work and I'm sure he'll find something maybe less senior but he needs to find something. He wouldn't physically be able to do anything seasonal. I wouldn't mind so much if he did more cleaning. He's ok with cooking a few times a week but what's for dinner is grating if I've been working all day. Takes the dogs out on long walks which I can't do so swings and roundabouts

Whats your point?

🤣😂🔥

I honestly couldn't resent my DH having a drink with a friend and forgetting about his worries for a while. I get why you are stressed though, maybe this afternoon will serve as a reminder to your DH of what he can get back in his life when he is working and motivate him. If he is getting to the 3rd interview stage and almost getting there repeatedly then that can be extremely demoralising. It sounds like he wants to work. I hope things get better soon for your family.

Why couldn't he sit on a checkout? Or stack shelves?

I don't mind him having a drink with a friend but I was told a couple of pints then a dog walk. So about £20 + travel there. Its the fact he's spent so much.