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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh unemployed and spending on my salary

305 replies

Boxshibe · 22/10/2022 14:24

I'm pissed off. Dh has gone to meetca mate with the dogs for what I thought was a drink then walking the dogs together. So far he's spent £60 in the pub. I'm pissed off.
He quit his job end of July and is struggling to find a new one ( whole other story) so we've lost 2/3 of our income. I can pay rent bills and food if we're vv careful. He promised me that he'd only spend around £20 after the train fate to meet his friend. So annoyed.

OP posts:
ArcaneWireless · 22/10/2022 14:36

I’d be feckin anxious if someone hadn’t found any type of work in 3 months after choosing to quit a job.

And then be thinking it was ok to spaff £60 on a wee day out treating a mate when it required vv careful budgeting to pay rent and bills.

Did I say anxious?

I meant angry.

Original poster
Boxshibe · 22/10/2022 14:39

We have 2 dds. 1 with a birthday at the end of the month. I've already had to borrow money from my father to go on a work trip last week. I'll be able to pay him back when I get my expenses. So to him I had fun last week he can have fun today. I was working ffs

OP posts:
Goldbar · 22/10/2022 14:41

Why is he buying drinks for others when you're going to struggle to afford your DD's birthday presents and Christmas is approaching? That would piss me off.

MsRosley · 22/10/2022 14:42

Sixty quid? I'd be livid too, OP.

PeaceX · 22/10/2022 14:42

If it's really a one off, I'd do nothing. See how HE reacts. Does his friend know he lost his job? would he do something other than what he did before he lost his job? earn money doing something a bit less connected to his usual status?

Suggest it to him. Instead of going mad at him, suggest that.

Just thinking though, 60 sounds like he paid for somebody else too. Although trains v expensive in the UK I know.

IMissVino · 22/10/2022 14:43

Batshittery · 22/10/2022 14:36

I'm glad I live in the North Grin

Show quote history

Can I come visit? Drinks are all on me! 😂

PurplePixies · 22/10/2022 14:44

RebeccaRose92 · 22/10/2022 14:28

You’re a bit controlling. He’s your husband, that means legally it’s both of your money. £60 as a one off doesn’t sound unreasonable. Do you have anxiety, OP?

Would you happily watch your partner set fire to 3 x £20 notes?

Pissing £60 up the wall is very irresponsible and I’d be making sure he didn’t have any more trips out on my money, until he’d found a new job.

THisbackwithavengeance · 22/10/2022 14:44

I agree with you OP. I wouldn't be impressed with an unemployed DH sat in the pub buying rounds.

But equally, I don't agree with the responses to freeze his card. If a man said he was going to freeze his DW's account who didn't want, there would be uproar on here with talk about 'family money' and 'financial abuse' and 'LTB' .

I would be looking at why he's unemployed . Companies are begging for staff round here, it's easy to get a job. He needs to find something even if it's temporary or not his dream job.

mavismorpoth · 22/10/2022 14:47

Do you have children?

If not leave. He's a piss taker. I'm not the earner in our home but would never spend my husband's money on myself like this. I spend money I make. This is just wild out of control piss taking and the exact opposite of what a husband should behave like.

Clymene · 22/10/2022 14:48

Anyone who quits their job without another one to go to when they have kids is an irresponsible wanker

mavismorpoth · 22/10/2022 14:48

Boxshibe · 22/10/2022 14:39

We have 2 dds. 1 with a birthday at the end of the month. I've already had to borrow money from my father to go on a work trip last week. I'll be able to pay him back when I get my expenses. So to him I had fun last week he can have fun today. I was working ffs

You have three children.

NEmama · 22/10/2022 14:51

@Batshittery me too. That's extortionate

Vapeyvapevape · 22/10/2022 14:51

RebeccaRose92 · 22/10/2022 14:28

You’re a bit controlling. He’s your husband, that means legally it’s both of your money. £60 as a one off doesn’t sound unreasonable. Do you have anxiety, OP?

She's not controlling, just mindful that her husband isn't contributing financially and so they don't have much to spare to spend in a pub .

whiteroseredrose · 22/10/2022 14:51

Why is he paying for everything if he doesn't have a job. Now is not the time to play Lord Bountiful

Y7drama · 22/10/2022 14:54

Could his friend have forgotten his card and be paying by bank transfer later?

1FootInTheRave · 22/10/2022 14:55

He's a loser.

sst1234 · 22/10/2022 14:56

OP, you’re not unreasonable. If he’s not earning, he needs to reign in his spending.

However if this has been posted by a man about his wife, MN would say the opposite. The man would be accused of being financially abusive. Double standards.

Suemademedoit · 22/10/2022 14:57

Your DH’s friend could be fronting him, will give him cash when he gets to a cash point later?

Original poster
Boxshibe · 22/10/2022 14:58

He's not a lover just stupid. Also will want to save face so buying pints. It's just he said they'd have a pint then walk the dogs

OP posts:
Clymene · 22/10/2022 14:58

sst1234 · 22/10/2022 14:56

OP, you’re not unreasonable. If he’s not earning, he needs to reign in his spending.

However if this has been posted by a man about his wife, MN would say the opposite. The man would be accused of being financially abusive. Double standards.

Rubbish

Original poster
Boxshibe · 22/10/2022 14:58

Lower even ,,,, though

OP posts:
Original poster
Boxshibe · 22/10/2022 14:59

Loser

OP posts:
Boredsoentertainme · 22/10/2022 15:00

She’s not controlling, you don’t spend 60 quid on drinking if you can’t afford to buy your kid a birthday present and are worried about paying your bills for gods sake.

chopc · 22/10/2022 15:02

Ask him to sort out your finances the rest of the month - essentially transfer your worry to him

bewarethetides · 22/10/2022 15:03

he should be working. There are loads of jobs about. he needs to take one while he looks for the one he actually wants.