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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

“Did you stay in the bed with me all night?”

268 replies

Queeenyy · 22/10/2022 14:08

Name changed. New (ish) relationship with this guy - 7ish months or so. I semi-live at his place, maybe stay 5 nights, sometimes 6. I have my own clothes drawer etc there and my own key.

He went out with his friends to “watch a film”. I wasn’t invited which is quite unusual but didn’t really think much of it. there was a friend I’d never met going who had just come back from working abroad. Boyfriend told me his ex was jealous of her because she was flirty with him but he wasn’t interested in her.

He didn’t get in touch with me all night, which again is a bit unusual. I didn’t want to bother him on his night with friends because it’s caused arguments before when I contacted him.

The next morning he text me at 11am to ask me to come round to his and he’d cook for me. When I got there he was really overly attentive and let me do things like pick what I wanted him to cook & what film we would watch. He said they’d ended up going for drinks after and not getting back until late so that’s why he didn’t text. He said he got back and just fell asleep.

When I got into bed to watch the film I just felt weird. I can’t explain it - the sheets just smelt weird - not of perfume or anything like that but just not what I am used to. When boyfriend went to the shower his phone pinged with the message “😋 did you stay in the bed with me all night??” from this female friend.

I didn’t know what to do or say. I asked whether anyone had stayed after the drinks. He said no. I asked how female friend had got home, he said taxi. I asked why he hadn’t offered her the sofa (as she lives about 30 mins away and taxis are expensive), he said she wanted to go home. I asked if anyone had stayed last night - he said no he came home alone.

I then picked up his phone and showed him the message asking what it meant. He called me nuts and controlling, asked why I’d been on his phone, and then I left.

I messaged the girl and asked her and she said “I didn’t think you’d be bothered I just stayed in the bed with him, nothing happened.”

boyfriend has since said maybe she didn’t realise how serious the relationship between us was, swears blind that nothing happened and part way through the night he went to the sofa

I just don’t get the message the evening after discussing the fact they shared a bed? Like why was it needed?

I am extra sensitive because before we were officially together he met a girl on a night out and they had sex in the bar she worked at. He told me this during an argument and they said “she had bigger t*ts than you”.

is it inevitable that he cheated? I don’t know what to believe and to be honest I do feel bad for looking at his phone - it’s not the first time I’ve done it

OP posts:
Stopandlook · 22/10/2022 14:13

Walk away with your head high and don’t contact him again. Yes, he cheated.

Playthegamebwah · 22/10/2022 14:16

Fucking run. He’s absolutely horrible. He cold you controlling when you showed proof he’d slept in the same bed as someone after he’d just lied to your face.

Mydogisanaughtyboy · 22/10/2022 14:16

100% cheated on you. He sounds like he has no respect for you anyway and you will never trust him. You can do way better than him!

NewWateringCan · 22/10/2022 14:17

What a scumbag! Yes, he slept in the same bed as her, at the very least. And he's lied to you. Please don't forgive him, he'll then know he can carry on doing this. You deserve better.

emptythelitterbox · 22/10/2022 14:18

He's not interested. that's why she slept in his bed first chance. Right...

Yes he cheated.
DTF

ParentallyUnprepared · 22/10/2022 14:19

Why are you wasting anymore time with this twat?

alwaysmovingforwards · 22/10/2022 14:20

You're being mugged off.

Purpleavocado · 22/10/2022 14:20

Leave and go no contact, he's a prick

NeverHadANickname · 22/10/2022 14:21

Regardless of if he cheated (which I'm inclined to think he did), it was disrespectful and he lied to you.

OriginalUsername2 · 22/10/2022 14:21

Read back your post and look how lovely this guy is. Yes he cheated. Block and move on 💐

JustLyra · 22/10/2022 14:21

It doesn’t matter if he cheated or not. He outright lied to your face multiple times when you asked if she stayed.

Walk away. He’s untrustworthy.

And with your comment about the woman with larger breasts - he’s a nasty prick as well.

In fact, don’t walk away - run away.

badassbaby · 22/10/2022 14:22

alwaysmovingforwards · 22/10/2022 14:20

You're being mugged off.

You definitely are.
Read through your post again...if that was written by a friend of yours what would you advise be?

Ponoka7 · 22/10/2022 14:22

The ex didn't like her because she knew that they hooked up when they got chance. He's cheated.

DownAtTheBodyShop · 22/10/2022 14:22

Why are you even asking? It’s as clear as the nose on your face.

Gymnopedie · 22/10/2022 14:23

I do feel bad for looking at his phone - it’s not the first time I’ve done it

You don't trust him. Possibly with good reason. This isn't the way a relationship should be.

Possibly he didn't actually cheat, but all the other behaviour around it - not inviting you, 'mentionitis', making sure he got in that ex was jealous of this friend, lying to you about where he was and what he did at the end of the night - is not something you should accept.

Whether he slept with her or not is irrelevant. Dump him.

LaurieFairyCake · 22/10/2022 14:23

Doesn't matter whether they fucked

He lied, that's enough

Purplecatshopaholic · 22/10/2022 14:24

Do not waste any more time on this liar. Dump and move on. You are worth more

notapizzaeater · 22/10/2022 14:24

He's shown his colours before and you ignored it, don't now, run fast .,

HereComeTheGrannies · 22/10/2022 14:24

Did he definitely cheat? Who can say.

But he did lie, got abusive when you called him out on the lie, then tried to make out this is his friend fault. He’s already trotted out the “controlling ex” line, and he’s shagged someone else at the beginning.

You KNOW this man is no good. Cut him off. Ke. It will hurt, you’ll miss him but in 5 years time when he is STILL being a pig to women, you’ll be the one laughing.

ExtraOnions · 22/10/2022 14:26

You stayed with him after “she had bigger tits than you” …. His arse would have been out the door at that.

Set your bar higher

Pumpkinpatchlookinggood · 22/10/2022 14:26

Tell him he is dumped. His dick is too small
.

Annabananna1 · 22/10/2022 14:26

Don't waste your time. Get out of this. Be sad for a few weeks. Thank yourself later.

This needs ending.

hugefanofcheese · 22/10/2022 14:26

He lied about this, and twisted it to try and make it you who was in the wrong. Even if they 'only' shared a bed, it wasn't appropriate or necessary and he wasn't honest.

He also belittled you in comparison to the other woman he slept with before. Ok, if you weren't exclusive he didn't cheat. However, in early dating when there may be some crossover, it is decent and considerate to be discreet , then once things are exclusive, to keep proper boundaries.

Tell him to sling his hook.

IndiGlowie · 22/10/2022 14:26

What do you think two grown adults did when they got into bed together? Chat ? They had sex . Send him packing .

IroningThrone · 22/10/2022 14:27

You should have run for the hills when he cheated on you the first time!

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