Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

“Did you stay in the bed with me all night?”

268 replies

Queeenyy · 22/10/2022 14:08

Name changed. New (ish) relationship with this guy - 7ish months or so. I semi-live at his place, maybe stay 5 nights, sometimes 6. I have my own clothes drawer etc there and my own key.

He went out with his friends to “watch a film”. I wasn’t invited which is quite unusual but didn’t really think much of it. there was a friend I’d never met going who had just come back from working abroad. Boyfriend told me his ex was jealous of her because she was flirty with him but he wasn’t interested in her.

He didn’t get in touch with me all night, which again is a bit unusual. I didn’t want to bother him on his night with friends because it’s caused arguments before when I contacted him.

The next morning he text me at 11am to ask me to come round to his and he’d cook for me. When I got there he was really overly attentive and let me do things like pick what I wanted him to cook & what film we would watch. He said they’d ended up going for drinks after and not getting back until late so that’s why he didn’t text. He said he got back and just fell asleep.

When I got into bed to watch the film I just felt weird. I can’t explain it - the sheets just smelt weird - not of perfume or anything like that but just not what I am used to. When boyfriend went to the shower his phone pinged with the message “😋 did you stay in the bed with me all night??” from this female friend.

I didn’t know what to do or say. I asked whether anyone had stayed after the drinks. He said no. I asked how female friend had got home, he said taxi. I asked why he hadn’t offered her the sofa (as she lives about 30 mins away and taxis are expensive), he said she wanted to go home. I asked if anyone had stayed last night - he said no he came home alone.

I then picked up his phone and showed him the message asking what it meant. He called me nuts and controlling, asked why I’d been on his phone, and then I left.

I messaged the girl and asked her and she said “I didn’t think you’d be bothered I just stayed in the bed with him, nothing happened.”

boyfriend has since said maybe she didn’t realise how serious the relationship between us was, swears blind that nothing happened and part way through the night he went to the sofa

I just don’t get the message the evening after discussing the fact they shared a bed? Like why was it needed?

I am extra sensitive because before we were officially together he met a girl on a night out and they had sex in the bar she worked at. He told me this during an argument and they said “she had bigger t*ts than you”.

is it inevitable that he cheated? I don’t know what to believe and to be honest I do feel bad for looking at his phone - it’s not the first time I’ve done it

OP posts:
JessesMum777888 · 22/10/2022 14:43

hes a cunt.

ImGood · 22/10/2022 14:43

How did it feel to be in the same sheets he was in with her earlier? Gross thought isn’t it? You don’t want a repeat of that.

Fairislefandango · 22/10/2022 14:46

It sounds like there are plenty of red flags even without this incident. Why on earth would you even think of staying one more minute with a man like this? He's very, very clearly not anice guy. He has shown you what he's like - believe him!

SkaterGrrrrl · 22/10/2022 14:47

LTB.

Pinkittens · 22/10/2022 14:47

Do people still really not have a keypad/face recognition lock on their phones these days? When you get a new phone it prompts you to choose a passcode etc, I'm surprised your BF didn't have one.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 22/10/2022 14:47

Yeah he’s cheated before, done it again and will do it more and more often. If you forgive this, he’ll know he has licence.

What stood out for me also is that you consider “letting me” choose what he cooked and what film to watch as “overly attentive”. Sounds like basic common politeness/ hosting to me. He clearly doesnt have much respect day to day eother.

AdoraBell · 22/10/2022 14:48

Imagine your friend or sister wrote your original post, what would think of their boyfriend?

Walk away. No need to explain, say it’s just not working. Block him and move on with your life.

PlinkPlonkFizz · 22/10/2022 14:49

I don't understand why you are getting so caught up in the rights and wrongs of was it cheating / did they actually have sex?

It's enough that he reduced another woman and you to a pair of tits, ridiculed you and compared you, has this friend (with or without benefits) waiting on standby and lying to you about it, and leaving you questioning yourself and insecure.

Have some self-respect and run away from this immature, unpleasant knobhead as fast as you can. He will make you very unhappy if you stay - I learnt this through bitter experience with an ex years ago.

Caroffee · 22/10/2022 14:49

He HAS cheated on you by sleeping in the same bed as her even if, 'nothing happened' which is about as believable as flyinh pigs. He also lied to you. And he's cheated on you in the past. Walk away from this 'relationship'. Things will only get worse.

GoodVibesHere · 22/10/2022 14:49

OP seriously get a grip here it's SO over! Or is your self esteem so low that you don't mind being lied to?!

And it's not a small lie, it's a fucking HUGE lie! He lied to your face about a woman sleeping in bed with him for god's sake.

Worthyornot · 22/10/2022 14:49

So he's cheated before, what are you asking for? This is on you, there's massive red flags right in front of you and you are still desperately clinging on to him. Raise you standards, get some respect for yourself and leave.

bebravelikesuperman · 22/10/2022 14:50

Yes he cheated

golddustwomen · 22/10/2022 14:51

Hell no, whether he cheated or not is irrelevant here as he has proved himself to be a lying twat anyway!
Also the 'she had bigger tits I that you' during an argument?! Ew! Ruuuuun

Aria2015 · 22/10/2022 14:51

Forget about whether or not he cheated. He lied and not only that, he turned it around and called you crazy and controlling, totally gaslighting you. He only confessed when you got the truth from his 'friend'. If you think that's ok then crack on, but I can you that you deserve better than that and there are guys out there that will give you the love and respect you deserve, I recommend you bin him and seek out one of the better ones...

QuietNeighbour · 22/10/2022 14:52

He’s horrible. Have some self respect and get rid.

EnjoythemoneyJane · 22/10/2022 14:52

I am extra sensitive because before we were officially together he met a girl on a night out and they had sex in the bar she worked at. He told me this during an argument and they said “she had bigger tts than you”.*

And you stayed with him after that becaaaause …??!

Seriously, get rid. Whether he actually fucked her or not (highly likely) is almost beside the point - you’re 7 months in and he’s already lying to you and saying shit designed to really hurt and undermine you. At what point do you think this absolute prince is going to turn into someone you can have a happy, stable future with?

LookItsMeAgain · 22/10/2022 14:53

Go back with a bag. Get your stuff. Leave his key on the kitchen table. Leave with your head held high.

1FootInTheRave · 22/10/2022 14:53

Get some self respect fgs.

He's a liar and a cheat and fucking horrible.

Smineusername · 22/10/2022 14:56

Bin him off

KettrickenSmiled · 22/10/2022 14:56

is it inevitable that he cheated? I don’t know what to believe
Whether he cheated or not surely doesn't matter as much as the fact that he's a piss-taking, goady fucker?

Boyfriend told me his ex was jealous of her because she was flirty with him but he wasn’t interested in her.

I am extra sensitive because before we were officially together he met a girl on a night out and they had sex in the bar she worked at. He told me this during an argument and they said “she had bigger tts than you”.*

Look at how he treats you. He deliberately winds you up & undermines you. This is classic negging.
He also lied to you about this 'friend'. Stop wondering whether he shagged her or not & just ditch him - he's bad news. You don't need this headfucker ruining your life with his twisted mind games.

LazyLikeSundayMorning · 22/10/2022 14:57

He didn’t get in touch with me all night, which again is a bit unusual. I didn’t want to bother him on his night with friends because it’s caused arguments before when I contacted him.

Well this was the red flag before all the others you listed about this particular situation.

Tell him you are done. Tell him why if you like, or not. Then get some counselling to work out why you fell for this schmuck and how to have better boundaries and relationships in future. It's very common so don't berate yourself too much, just learn from it. You worked it out early thank goodness. Flowers

drkpl · 22/10/2022 14:57

He cheated on you and he’s being an arsehole about it. Sorry hun.

mondaytosunday · 22/10/2022 14:57

Stop analysing her text. It's clear they shared a bed, which he denied and lied about. Then when confronted with evidence he gets offensive. It doesn't matter one bit whether he left the bed to sleep in the sofa. He got in bed with her. He lied to you about it. He has form. Isn't that enough for you?

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 22/10/2022 14:58

You are worth so much more than this. And I know this because nobody deserves to be lied to, or reduced to body parts compared unfavourably with someone else's.

Leave him. You should probably also spend some time single and work on improving your self-esteem.

emptythelitterbox · 22/10/2022 14:58

Why even bother with him at all?

He's not the only guy left and he's certainly a shit one.

I read on here before
Dick is high supply and low value.

Respect yourself and dump this lying creep.