To clean or not to clean for inlaws? Embarrassed about our house.

[ThreeLittleBirds11]

My inlaws live in a different part of the country now and are coming to stay near us for the first time next week. Sounds terrible but I'm just so pleased we don't have enough space for them to actually stay in our house. However, they will still be spending a lot of time with us in our home which is nice but do I make a special effort to clean and present the house better or should they just take us as they find us?

So for context... dh and I both work, we have a 4yo and a baby. Plus, dh, myself and very likely dc1, all have adhd! So we're not exactly the most functional people around the home!

My mil likes things clean, tidy and well presented (in her house) so this makes me feel a bit pressurised. They've seen our house plenty of times before but they've never spent more than an hour tops in it.

We have stuff everywhere, stains on chairs, walls, floors, and grass that hasn't been cut for weeks and weeks. Clean clothes rarely find themselves in wardrobes or cupboards. Instead they gather in piles on the landing waiting to be distributed. The kitchen units are fairly cluttered and the fridge and hob need a good clean.

On the plus side, the bathrooms are always very clean as I'm super fussy about clean toilets. So inlaws should be OK in there! 😂

The other thing is, dc1 has toileting accidents (no. 1s) every so often so I can sometimes smell that in the carpet despite always cleaning it after. That particularly embarrasses me.

Would you spruce up the house for inlaws? Or just let them see it for how it really is?

I would spruce it to within an inch of its life. But I’d resent doing it.

Spruce for sure.

Definitely spruce

Of course you need to clean it.
Same as you you would for anyone visiting.
I would also try clean the carpets that have urine in them.They will stink otherwise.

I would do a big clean and tidy before they come, just so I would feel better while they were here. But once they had seen that the house could be reasonably clean and tidy, I wouldn't go over the top for the rest of their stay.

I definitely wouldn’t go to any effort…it’s your home and visitors should either accept your standards or go elsewhere .

I’d spruce it up OP but I’d do it for you and your family.
You will feel better after and hopefully keep on top of it

I would.

Because there's nothing like the fucus of expecting visitors to light a fire under me and DH to finally put away all the crap that has accumulated in various corners of the house. We always feel so much better for it. It's amazing how much we get done quickly when we need to.

No adhd here - just can't-be-bothered-ness - but appreciate the hyper focus. Unfortunately, we absolutely cannot replicate it when we don't have visitors due 🙄

Maybe clean the carpet that smells of wee ..I personally would do that anyway.

Clean it for yourselves and your child never mind the in laws 🙄

I would use it as an excuse to get tidied up.

I think you do need to get carpet cleaned - sorry but that's not great if it smells (for any of you)

Can you afford a cleaner? Would MIL help do you think?

Obviously make sure it's

hygienic - clean bathroom, kitchen, anything you touch
functional - you can move around without falling on stuff, sit on the sofas, eat at the dining table
pleasant - smells OK, nothing obviously grimy or sticky that would make you cringe

But then just forget about it. If you have piles of clean laundry on a chair or all the toys chucked in a corner that's fine, it's temporary.

Sounds like you and DH have plenty to get on with. Think about first impressions, what catches your eye the minute you step through the door 0f each room?

Definitely get it sorted out. Can you afford to pay for someone to come in and sort it for you? It sounds like you need to massively declutter as well.

You really need to clean your house, for your childrens' sake. I'm sorry to say that it sounds quite grim.

it’s grim for children to be living in that mess. even if there were no kids, I would clean it for visitors yes

Just to also say be careful if you decide to clean the carpet. Urine in particular is reactivated when wet and near impossible to get rid of, it'll smell even worse until properly dry.

This sounds like too much for the time available really. Chuck as much as possibly in the bedrooms and get a cleaner in.

I would tidy it to the state I’d want it to be for me to be happy, if I had the time, meaning it’s not stressing my level of ok out. If that means hire a babysitter so you clean it or hire a cleaner while you look after the DCs, do it. If you can’t afford to, make sure their room is spotless and the kitchen. You’ve already done the bathrooms. Then clear other surfaces into cupboards and then don’t open them too quickly! I think it comes down to the level of stress v’s clean that you can cope with, irrespective of what you think others feel your house should look like.

Absolutely do a blitz. My house is like yours OP and I appreciate visits as it forces me to do the occasional mega blitz. I feel better. It's respectful to myself and visitors.

This

You and your dh should clean it for yourselves,it sounds rank. Get some pet odour spray ,Wilkos does one for a couple of quid to deal with the urine smell.

Wondered how long it'd take the 'grim' brigade to show up. 🙄

OP, speaking as someone in a very similar position (house not as clean or tidy as it 'should' be, clean freak MIL) I'd say give it a clean and tidy if you have the time and energy, but focus on the benefit to you and your family rather than thinking of it as being 'for' MIL, or you'll just get resentful (if you're anything like me, anyway).

Plus, if she's anything like my MIL, she'll find things to criticise however much you tidy and clean. Another reason to focus on doing it for you/family rather than for her.

Definitely spruce up. Could you stretch to hiring someone to do a deep clean?

I'd clean it. But for you and your family.

I'm probably going to sound really judgy here, but that sounds bloody disgusting. Washing not being put away, whatever. Pay a teenager a tenner to mow your lawns. Fine.

Dirty fridge, stained furniture and walls, dirty hob and piss soaked carpets is just bloody vile.

What will you be like when your DC wants to bring friends over? I'd be embarrassed. Yes you can live how you like, but there's a huge difference between mess and clutter, and FILTH.

The "grim" brigade have shown up cause what OP describes, is quite frankly, grim.
Mess and clutter are one thing.
Unhygienic kitchen and piss on the carpets is DIRTY.
If they wanted to be Foster Parents. They wouldn't be able to. But think its ok to raise their own DC in filth? Nah. Sort it out, and if MH problems prevent them doing it themselves then they need to find a way to fund outsourcing it.

Something like this is good for the carpets