To clean or not to clean for inlaws? Embarrassed about our house.

[ThreeLittleBirds11]

My inlaws live in a different part of the country now and are coming to stay near us for the first time next week. Sounds terrible but I'm just so pleased we don't have enough space for them to actually stay in our house. However, they will still be spending a lot of time with us in our home which is nice but do I make a special effort to clean and present the house better or should they just take us as they find us?

So for context... dh and I both work, we have a 4yo and a baby. Plus, dh, myself and very likely dc1, all have adhd! So we're not exactly the most functional people around the home!

My mil likes things clean, tidy and well presented (in her house) so this makes me feel a bit pressurised. They've seen our house plenty of times before but they've never spent more than an hour tops in it.

We have stuff everywhere, stains on chairs, walls, floors, and grass that hasn't been cut for weeks and weeks. Clean clothes rarely find themselves in wardrobes or cupboards. Instead they gather in piles on the landing waiting to be distributed. The kitchen units are fairly cluttered and the fridge and hob need a good clean.

On the plus side, the bathrooms are always very clean as I'm super fussy about clean toilets. So inlaws should be OK in there! 😂

The other thing is, dc1 has toileting accidents (no. 1s) every so often so I can sometimes smell that in the carpet despite always cleaning it after. That particularly embarrasses me.

Would you spruce up the house for inlaws? Or just let them see it for how it really is?

It's not great. We moved a year ago and it's a 'doer upper' kind of house anyway. The garage is still full of unpacked boxes, the whole place needs decorating, carpet needs replacing and our 15 month dd is still in our room because her room has turned into a clothes room. And by that I mean there are piles of outgrown clothing everywhere that I just haven't got round to sorting and putting in a charity shop or similar.
Our son's adhd can mean he's quite destructive in an impulsive way so there's evidence of this round the house, like cupboards where he's taken the handles off!

I do feel like we've given up to a certain extent because it all feels overwhelming to get on top just generally, let alone for the inlaws. I suppose I'm worried that mil in particular will judge us because shes so on it with this kind of stuff and very particular.

The ridiculous thing is that dh works in a very orderly and well presented office in a school and my classroom (as a teacher) is pretty organised too. I don't mean majorly organised like some teachers are but it's definitely well presented. So it seems like we can function at work but because we're all together at home, it falls apart! Oh dear!

PPs - unfortunately we couldn't afford a cleaner.

I would think a lot of people need to have visitors to get them more motivated to clean and tidy up more. I'd just concentrate on the main rooms that they will see, probably the kitchen and living room. Start by tidying surfaces by putting things away where they belong.if not everything has a proper home you may need to get a couple of storage boxes that can be stacked tidily in a corner. Tidy and hoover as much as you can then when time is running out gather up stuff that is just dumped on surfaces into bin bags and hide in your bedroom where they won't be seen.. if your living room looks out onto the garden I would try to get the grass cut too it will be better for your child to be able to play out there with toys. Depending how big the garden is, if it's big and short of time, an area nearer the house that looks a bit clearer would make a difference.
You have admitted that you know it's a bit messy so it will make you feel better too if you can get on top of this.

Tidy the mess, crack open the windows, give it a good wipe down/dust with some nice smelling cleaning spray and a hoover. That will make the world of difference. Not sure what to suggest about wee on the carpets but yes you should try and sort that.

I think you and your dh should do it for yourselves and especially your children as much as for your in laws. My friend grew up in chaos. I quietly noted the smell, mess and dirt but I was at secondary and knew how to be discreet. My dd has had friends in the past with similar houses. I had to train her when in primary to say nothing so as not to embarrass the child. Many parents simply wouldn’t allow their dc to go on playdates in those houses. You may well be talked and gossiped about in the playground once the state of you home is discovered. I cannot imagine you’d want that for your dc.

BTW I totally agree about the wee on the carpet. That's a priority before inlaws come.

Oh and kitchen units are generally clean but just a bit cluttered in places. The kitchen floor isn't great!

I can relate. It's so hard to keep on top of everything.

But others are right, visitors are a great motivator to clean and tidy.

Pet spray for the wee smell. It's enzyme cleaner. You can also use biological washing powder mixed with water.

Get rid of as much stuff as possible. Charity shop or tip.

Ask a friend to come and help if possible. Preferably a strict one who will help you throw things away.

If you can afford a cleaner for a one off (and consider regularly) then do it. You will be AMAZED.

@Mummyoflittledragon My mum keeps saying that exact same thing to me. It's not that we don't try but it so hard to have the time to get on top of with work, a baby, an sen child and our terrible ability to function.

Honestly I would clean the kitchen, living room and downstairs hallway/ stairs so the rooms they are likely to go in? I always feel mortified if anyone pops over and the dishes aren't done etc though. If you genuinely don't care then maybe think small. Do one room and do it for yourself though as a step towards starting a routine. I always feel better and more organised if I am ontop of the cleaning and once one room is tidy it's easier to do the next. Have you tried TOMM?

Could you focus on the kitchen? I think that if a restaurant looked like how you describe, that maybe you wouldn't want to eat there.
Get dh to pick up all clothing and take upstairs. Shut it out of sight until he can sort clean from dirty and outgrown from wearable.
Bribe or cajole the dc to pick up all toys and put in boxes. Grown ups can carry the boxes to bedrooms.
If toys overspill you either don't have the storage or too many toys. Great time for toy cull, pre Christmas. Toy cull is an adult job.
One of you wipe all surfaces and the other hoover all floors.
You should all feel a lot more positive after.

OP, do you have an organized friend who can help you one weekend? I'm one of those horribly organized people who loves nothing more than a project. There is nothing more satisfying then making a home for somebody. If you were my friend, I would he happy to come one weekend and help you clean and organize your house.

I would just do bare minimum to make it presentable and doesn't smell and if you feel the need use 'excuse the mess it's all a bit hectic with the new baby etc'

And I mean not just you, but you and your husband.

You need to clean your house for yourselves, not just for visitors.

I feel sorry for your in-laws. It’s grim visiting a dirty house 🤢

I always use visitors as a motivation to clean up. It feels good too when you are done seeing it clean even if it was a lot of energy. Clean together, your son can help too, everyone pitches in.

Just to clarify - We haven't just left wee on the carpets and it's not all over the house either. It's one area in the lounge for some reason where dc1 has done it. We've tried to clean it each time with vanish but there's still a urine smell!

If you can both function in work full time and can both function as parents then you can find the ability to function to clean your house.

This probably wont go down well on here but if I was a MIL and walked in to my grandkids playing on a piss ridden floor I'd be wiping the floor with my ds.

What Does your partner think? Are theybothered?

This has helped me a lot to get things in order quickly.

I wouldn't worry though if your partner isnt

Yes ...de clutter the surfaces in kitchen
Move laundry
Wipe down surfaces
Hoover
Open a few windows

www.unfuckyourhabitat.com/emergency-cleaning/ apologies forgot link

I would blitz it. As pp say, you will all benefit from it, and it's probably good to have an incentive to do a proper clean.

I don't love cleaning either but it does feel better to tackle at least the more serious problems. Good luck.

I was going to recommend this stuff too. We have a dog who has accidents and it's miraculous at dealing with the whiff.

OP Like others, We only really give our place a really good going over when we have "important" (or very tidy) visitors coming.

Exhausting at the time but feels so good to live in afterwards.

Would you spruce up the house for inlaws?

for my inlaws? No

for me and for my family to have an organised, clean and tidy home environment? Hell. Yes.

It sounds chaotic, which isn’t good for your mental health and wellbeing.

Even the messy people on this thread are saying how much nicer it is when they’ve made the effort and cleaned the place.

You’re not doing your DC any favours by living like this. It might not matter so much now while the eldest is 4. But it will.

Use 'urine off' for the wee smells, it's a dog cleaner, but works the same for human urine. Do not clean with normal cleaners as this can intensify the smell.

Oh no! Maybe that's where I've been going wrong with it!