To clean or not to clean for inlaws? Embarrassed about our house.

[ThreeLittleBirds11]

My inlaws live in a different part of the country now and are coming to stay near us for the first time next week. Sounds terrible but I'm just so pleased we don't have enough space for them to actually stay in our house. However, they will still be spending a lot of time with us in our home which is nice but do I make a special effort to clean and present the house better or should they just take us as they find us?

So for context... dh and I both work, we have a 4yo and a baby. Plus, dh, myself and very likely dc1, all have adhd! So we're not exactly the most functional people around the home!

My mil likes things clean, tidy and well presented (in her house) so this makes me feel a bit pressurised. They've seen our house plenty of times before but they've never spent more than an hour tops in it.

We have stuff everywhere, stains on chairs, walls, floors, and grass that hasn't been cut for weeks and weeks. Clean clothes rarely find themselves in wardrobes or cupboards. Instead they gather in piles on the landing waiting to be distributed. The kitchen units are fairly cluttered and the fridge and hob need a good clean.

On the plus side, the bathrooms are always very clean as I'm super fussy about clean toilets. So inlaws should be OK in there! 😂

The other thing is, dc1 has toileting accidents (no. 1s) every so often so I can sometimes smell that in the carpet despite always cleaning it after. That particularly embarrasses me.

Would you spruce up the house for inlaws? Or just let them see it for how it really is?

Why are you talking to a load of randoms on the net about cleaning your house, instead of your husband? What cleaning is he planning to do to prepare for his parents' visit?

I would clean up because it's better for you, and use the in laws as motivation. I wouldn't want to be judged for the house because I'd know really they were right. Being judged after I'd cleaned it would be different.

Look up A Slob Comes Clean - website, podcasts, books - she is really really good and completely gets the ADHD brain (probably has one herself).

Yes I would spruce it up because it's a nice feeling to welcome visitors to a tidy home, and it's nice for them as well.

Think of it as motivation to get around to something you were going to do anyway, rather than having an attitude of "well why should I?!".

Your house sounds lovely... nevermind cleaning for the in laws, deep clean for your family

Tidy it up. A place for everything and everything in its place. Declutter and bin/charity shop as necessary. Once it’s tidy pay for a cleaning company to do a deep clean and then dedicate a few hours/half day a week to keeping it clean and tidy. In our house we have the ADHDers (with their clutter) Vs the Aspies (with their need for order) so I appreciate its not easy. It’s so nice when it’s clean and tidy though.

Your using ADHD as an excuse for a dirty, unclean house. Get some gloves on and clean up...spruce up is the finer touches. You need to go back to basics.

That's not a good environment for kids and have you thought how embarrassed they'll be to bring friends home over they start school. They just won't, or worse still, they'll think it's normal to live in what is borderline squalor.

No parent would want their kids over for playdates in your house.

I grew up in a cluttered and not always clean house. I was embrassed as a child, I didn't have many friends over for this reason. I think there's no excuse not to tidy and maintain a clean house especially with kids and working. Many people do.

I'm not the fussiest person, I think clutter is OK but I'd give the house a good clean before MIL comes, it's a good excuse anyway and you'll feel much better for it.

I find it stressful finding time to clean but I feel much better when the house looks half decent. If you caught us on a regular day it might look messy but it is always reasonably clean underneath the clutter. Look up the time organised mum method (TOMM), it has very good tips on keeping your house looking presentable.

You AND your husband (their child) can work together to get on top of this.

Clear all the junk piles from the communal surfaces into your room, you will hopefully find stuff to chuck as you collect the crap from everywhere.

Use bin bags to collect from around the house, you can sort it out in stages after they leave, nothing important in there otherwise it wouldn't t have been left lying around everywhere

Don't let in laws in your bedroom

Get on your local fb pages, find a cleaner to come and do a one off clean for several hours, or two cleans if you have time.

If you can't get cleaner, once you've cleared the surfaces give them all a good antibacterial or bleach spray and then wipe down with antibacterial cleaning wipes.

Bleach down the toilet

Spray the carpet with antibacterial pet spray

Contact your local launderette and get them to take away ALL the dirty and half clean clothes from every surface and laundry baskets when they return it, keep it bagged up in your room until after your visitors leave.

Take everything out of the fridge throw away the dead stuff then use antibacterial cleaning wipe inside the fridge

Spray and wipe worst parts of walls if you can be arsed

Find a decent cleaner for future regular cleans
If you have funds pay a local declutter service

If you both have adhd see if you can get a social care assessment and occupational therapy support for planning future home management , contact your local authority adult social care department.

Social Care can help towards declutter service. Many people with adhd get help with this through adult social care

Apply for pip if you haven't already and get CAB to help you do the forms, they can complete it for you asking you questions over the phone about how your symptoms impact your life, if you qualify, between pip or OT you might secure funding towards cleaner or enabling service.

Ignore the judgmental perfect Peters on here.
People with no understanding of neurological conditions or invisible illnesses have no idea what life is like for people who are t like them.
Ignorance can make little englanders small minded and mean. Bless their hard cold hearts

I would rope in your dh to do half the cleaning. Delegate to him the vacuuming and Declutter ing while you tackle the kitchen and actual cleaning, or however you want to divide up the chores. 4 hours on your next day off before they come, or do one room at a time after work each day, and you will feel much better.

It’s very normal to have house get away from you when you work and have a 4 yr old and a baby. It is that season of life when the rewards are time with your young children. Do a blitz now, and going forward, work out a simple daily and weekly chore list you and your husband can get done together.

The good part is that the in laws won’t be staying overnight! I can empathize with you there.

I think you should clean your house but mostly for yourselves and for your children. You don't want your children to be too embarrassed to bring friends over when they are older, and it's just not good for them to grow up in a house like you have described. They will be influenced by this growing up. Why would you leave stains on furniture and on the walls? If you really can't do it, get a regular clearer and get it sorted. And put your clothes away.

I’d declutter, paint and tidy, then get a cleaner to clean through.

Clean your house for your kids if you do it for anyone. A messy, dirty house is a horrible thing to grow up in. It should be an absolute priority to do this. The urine smelling carpets have to be sorted: imagine having friends over and your house smells of wee. Shame like that can really damage a young person. Understand you are
not a neurotypical family but fail to understand why you cannot clean your house.

Would do it for the kids and yourselves. Sorry but it does sound grim.
I have a friend with non-verbal autistic kids who aren't toilet trained but manages to keep the house clean.
Untidy and dirty are two different things. Why bring up kids in a dirty environment?

You had me on your side up until the piss-soaked carpets. Most people understand clutter and mess but leaving piss in the carpet? Come on.

I'd clean it, because it sounds pretty awful to me. I'd be embarrassed to let people see my house if it was dirty and smelly. No-one is going to object to a bit of unfolded laundry, but stained walls, pissy carpets and dirty stove etc sounds pretty disgusting IMO.

You need to clean it for yourselves, it sounds disgusting

I was just about to say this.

However, it should be a joint effort - why should it all be down to the female...

I've been working on this stuff with my ADHD teen. It's harder to manage the condition when you're surrounded by chaos.

So yeah, I'd be cleaning for visitors anyway, but also seeing if I could make some changes to try to stay on top of things once it's done. The mowing can get to fuck - I mean things that actually help you with your day, like having your clothes and other things put away so you can find them easily.

Given you have a baby and it's your in-laws, I hope your DH will be doing the lion's share of it though! How long is your MIL staying for? If she's a neat freak she might be happy to help out with a bit of decluttering.

I would spruce it up. Declutter as much as you can, and get a cleaner to help, honestly money well spent.
Having a tidy house will help massively if you/ your family have adhd

Clutter is different than mess.

I would certainly get rugs professionally cleaned, hire a gardener for the lawn, and clean all food mess.

I wouldn't worry so much about clean, folded laundry.

But urine smelling carpets is perhaps a tad grim

Yes, you need to clean, and also tidy.

You should clear the floors and get a carpet cleaning company in to steam and sanitise.

When the ILs have gone, maybe write out a simple routine you could stick to?

I hope this is a joke and a fake. Clean your house for your kids not your inlaws

healthyadhd.com/house-cleaning-schedule/?amp=1

Get a cleaner in to do the main blitz and then download the above schedule and top up.

Consider changing your carpets later on to a hard floor like laminate or wood. It will help you keep the floors more cleaner and hygienic than you do now.

Once a laundry load is dry, put it away immediately to prevent a pile up.

Get your kids in the habit of tidying and putting away their toys and things. You need to get them in the habit now because you know what their difficulties are.