To clean or not to clean for inlaws? Embarrassed about our house.

[ThreeLittleBirds11]

My inlaws live in a different part of the country now and are coming to stay near us for the first time next week. Sounds terrible but I'm just so pleased we don't have enough space for them to actually stay in our house. However, they will still be spending a lot of time with us in our home which is nice but do I make a special effort to clean and present the house better or should they just take us as they find us?

So for context... dh and I both work, we have a 4yo and a baby. Plus, dh, myself and very likely dc1, all have adhd! So we're not exactly the most functional people around the home!

My mil likes things clean, tidy and well presented (in her house) so this makes me feel a bit pressurised. They've seen our house plenty of times before but they've never spent more than an hour tops in it.

We have stuff everywhere, stains on chairs, walls, floors, and grass that hasn't been cut for weeks and weeks. Clean clothes rarely find themselves in wardrobes or cupboards. Instead they gather in piles on the landing waiting to be distributed. The kitchen units are fairly cluttered and the fridge and hob need a good clean.

On the plus side, the bathrooms are always very clean as I'm super fussy about clean toilets. So inlaws should be OK in there! 😂

The other thing is, dc1 has toileting accidents (no. 1s) every so often so I can sometimes smell that in the carpet despite always cleaning it after. That particularly embarrasses me.

Would you spruce up the house for inlaws? Or just let them see it for how it really is?

Also, keep windows open regularly to let fresh air in, you're used to the smell of your home but others won't be. Opening windows for at least 30 mins daily if not longer changes the air in your home. It helps to prevent damp & mould developing.

Clean it for your family who have to live there all the time. It sounds filthy and if you’re able to be fussy about your bathroom why can’t you clean the rest? I wouldn’t want my toddler to be crawling around in piss soaked carpets - we’re not in a third world country - bone up on some hygiene.

Clean it for yourself and young family, set an example. Be proud.

As you say, they’ve visited before for an hour or so. Anything that could be seen would’ve been seen in that hour so they know what your home is like and are happy to come back for another visit.

It sounds like you’re not happy about how it is though, so have a good clean up for yourselves.

I know she ADHD makes consistency very difficult, so embrace the inconsistent. I just clean when I can and don't when I can't. I think perfectionism stalls lots of people with ADHD, if it can't be done perfectly, it doesn't get done. Just do something small as often as you can and it will start to add up.

My washing also rarely makes it into wardrobes!

Of course you need to clean up! And by you, I mean you and your husband jointly, not just you. Surely everybody makes an extra effort when guests are coming but it sounds like you (again joint you) need to do a bit more anyway, it sounds absolutely disgusting. Your poor children living in that filth including urine soaked carpets.

Can we have before and after pictures of one of the rooms? I love a cleaning thread and others might give some advice! A good clean up and you may feel a lot better about keeping on top of it as it's so easy for it all to get out of hand!

I wouldn't spruce it up for in laws I'd spruce it up for you and your family. It's not good for your mental health to be sat in squalor, you've acknowledged it's a tip, even if you set small tasks for every day, try and tidy it

Of course I would clean if my in laws were coming to visit. It sounds like it needs it.

Bloody hell there's some judgement going on here.
It sounds like op is pointing out the worse points and accidents are cleaned up, as she points out.
It doesn't sound terrible to me for 2 working people with two little ones and no outside help ( I know the MN middle classes love their cleaners)
Op, your bathrooms are clean. I'm imagining your dc's are clean, fed, and happy.
You're doing good.
It depends on your time frame and relationship with your in laws. If I was your MIL I would love to give you a hand while I was there.
Action plan:

1. Approach your house from the gate pretending you are a guest and see what really jumps out, dirt wise and mess wise.

1. Clean the glaringly dirty if you have time.

1. Tidy as much as possible if you have time. A tidy house always looks cleaner.

1. Focus on doing the things that take less time but make a big difference.

1. Have a nice time enjoying the in-laws seeing the children.

DH and I have ADHD. We have 2 children with Autism and one with ADHD.

BELIEVE me when I tell you that a clean and tidy home makes living with neurodiversity so much easier.

You just need to blitz it and then prioritise keeping on top of it. Truly, you won't know yourself for the peace it will give you.

A tidy and clean house for you with the added bonus of not being a slatternly in the eyes of visiting friends and family.

Haha this is us to a tee! We always say we need a regular calendar of visitors to keep us on track.

Buy an enzyme cleaner to get rid of any urine smells and blitz the whole house. You will be less stressed during their visit if you do. Cleaning a whole house can be overwhelming but you do need to start early because it always takes longer than you think.

I was so sick of the clutter that I recently binned nearly everything.

Yes. It's not nice for your children to grow up in a chaotic, wee-smelling house!

With luck visitors will stay for under an hour and never wish to return.
Win win. 😉😁😁

I like that website - manages to avoid the neat freak perfectionism.

It doesn't really sound like this should be a 'oh the inlaws are coming' spruce, more like a you need to make some changes to your house permanently, it doesn't sound very nice home to live in tbh. Perhaps try the organised mum method? its works very well and for a fiver you can get an app which helps you stay on top of it all. Maybe once you start to clear out and clean up and see your home improving, looking & smelling nicer it will help keep you motivated.

I dont think the sprucing needs doing for your in-laws. I think a deep clean, today and continuing to maintain it needs to be in place for your children.

You need to teach the children some organisation and to clean and tidy.

I also have ADHD. I understand the chaos and getting in a mess but my house is always clean and tidy because I taught myself to do it.

Your husband needs to clean

I think we can see why the in-laws are staying near but not in the house .

Clean it up . Sounds horrible but do it for your children no-one else or is ADHD an excuse to be dirty . Yuk

The clutter doesn't matter but you and your husband need to clean anything that's dirty for your children sakes.

I would make it stunning for their arrival then just do a bit of maintenance while they are here.

This. You clean it for your kids let alone anyone else!

Clutter = meh
Piss smells and dirty kitchen = sort it out for you kids and dont embarrass yourselves by having anyone round until its done.