AIBU to ask your experience of having a very bright child?

[MaryShelley1818]

We just had our first parents evening and DS's report was extremely good. (Understatement)
His reading and writing are excellent (never done any of this at home or prior to him starting school 6wks ago). Excellent Maths skills, very good at PE, excellent imagination and creativity, very confident and mature. The teacher said usually children are very academic OR very creative but he literally has it all and is working at the very top end for everything. He's been standing up and speaking in assembly and she has to ask him to put his hand down and let other children answer sometimes as she knows he will know the answer (absolutely fine with this). Also very mature and expressive language.

We don't focus on academics in our house, but more on values of being kind. She said he has a special friendship and bond with a little girl who needs additional help and checks she is ok and has her specialised equipment etc Also he is described as having beautiful manners and being genuinely liked by other children.

So.....After Parents evening other parents were chatting and sharing and I found myself feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable sharing DS's as I didn't want to look like I was bragging or make him (or me) look smug. I found myself really playing it down, and even making up areas that he could improve (DS not there). Is it inevitable that I can't be proud of him or that I'll always have to play his successes down? Am I overthinking? A couple of parents did comment he was very mature and not an "average 4yr old". I don't want him to feel different or feel bad for being intelligent. (Me and DH are average, degree educated but not by any stretch academic).

I know it sounds like a stealth boast but it's really not.

What maths is your son doing in reception?

Here we go 😂

Sorry OP, but yes, it does sound like a stealth boast. . Also, I'd say that the school are letting you and your DS down a bit - DD is always way ahead academically, but that doesn't mean she doesn't always have targets for the next thing.

As for how to respond in the chit chat after, in my experience people don't tend to say much so can't you just say, "Oh yes, DS seems to be doing well. We're really pleased". And then as he gets older, there will be specific opportunities to talk about things he's done well or achievements. 6 weeks into reception, there's really no need to be getting into detail.

Okay

Why would you lie? You can tell the truth without bragging.
Don't go on like you did in your initial paragraph because that is OTT and unnecessary.

Just say he's doing well, there's no concerns and you're very pleased/proud.
My DD is the same and that's what I say if anyone brings it up.

He is only 4 OP. The likelihood is that his peers will all be at the same point eventually - so you haven't got to worry about him feeling 'different' or 'bad'.

I've got my popcorn in - waiting for tales of children writing plays at the age of five. Don't disappoint me mumsnet.

Not sure why that matters but simple addition.

I'm also curious as to what he's been doing.

As far as I'm aware when DD was in F2 it was mainly play-based. Especially when they were just 6 weeks in.

I don't understand why you have to lie?

The other parents don't care, and are probably asking out of polite school gate chit chat. You can easily say everythings fine, i'm proud of how well he's settled in.

You'll probably get some sarcastic comments on here but I understand as my DD 12 is very much like this. I just avoid the subject as it will come across as bragging and smug. I save talking about her achievements for DH and my mum.

We had this with one of my dc. The first two years, we were told he wS wy ahead in eve

Never discuss your childrens’ academic achievements with fellow parents or friends. Just smile and say “not bad”.

I guess this is the exact attitude that made me feel I couldn't be positive and had to lie. The feeling that I don't dare talk about how well he's doing in any way.

You don't have to lie.
Just say teacher said he was doing fine and change the subject.

He's 4. No way of knowing if he's bright or not yet. Everyone is proud of their kid. Wind your neck in.

Just say he had good feedback and then talk about something else. I don't think people generally want to discuss other people's kids' academic success that much as it's not really that interesting. And actually the other parents may have been told similar stuff and they're downplaying because they don't want to be seen as smug. In the end it really doesn't matter. They're only young and at this stage they should just play and make friends and adjust to school. 😄

You can tell the child's grandparents how well he is doing.
Just stay bland with other parents.

He’s 4 and sounds balanced and happy, well done you. But yes, whenever you have an abundance of something that others would like (money, looks, talent, IQ etc) then the best thing is not to make a big deal of it.

My 3 year old can do simple addition… there you go everyone, I am that mum 😂

My eldest has genius tendencies (he’s a pain in the arse in a lot of other ways though!). When you talk about it with other parents you say ‘Oh parents evening was lovely, I was really please. Little Jimmy’s doing well, I’m so happy he’s settled into school well’.

Also to reiterate previous poster - there should ALWAYS be next steps. He hasn’t finished learning has he?!

I had glowing reviews on parents evenings until I was about 13, much like your DS. Then they were mostly very, very good with a couple of exceptions for the shit lessons like geography and art.

Now I'm a very average adult.

Don't worry OP. Give him a few years and you won't have to play it down.

One of mine was really academically advanced in reception. It did even out by mid primary as plenty of other children who had happily kept their focus on playing when little caught up. He’s still bright, but there are plenty of other bright children in his class now too, and he’s in danger of doing less well than he could in his GCSEs due to an astonishing lack of effort…

I think it’s OK to say that you are happy that he seems to have taken well to school life. I wouldn’t overdo “proud” though - we’re all proud of our children and their achievements need to be viewed in the context of the hand which they have been dealt.

I've got a kid who's just joined reception.

The conversations tend to go something like:
How's DS getting on?
Really well thank you, seems to be enjoying himself. How's your kid doing?

Are you really drilling down into the specifics weeks into reception?

Why the funny ok face and sarcastic emoji?

And of course its ott and unnecessary, that's my exact point and why I explained I didn't say any of this to other parents.
I was obviously right to play it down judging my some of these comments.

I would focus on talking about how much he's enjoying school rather than how well he's doing. Also praising the staff is never a bad thing- as long as its honest.

Posted too soon. Was way ahead in all subjects. He's 7 now, and I'd say it's evened up a bit now. He's still very bright and at the top in reading, but I think some others are catching/have caught up with the writing and maths etc now. I've never spoken much about it. Just that he's doing well and loves school!