AIBU to ask your experience of having a very bright child?

[MaryShelley1818]

We just had our first parents evening and DS's report was extremely good. (Understatement)
His reading and writing are excellent (never done any of this at home or prior to him starting school 6wks ago). Excellent Maths skills, very good at PE, excellent imagination and creativity, very confident and mature. The teacher said usually children are very academic OR very creative but he literally has it all and is working at the very top end for everything. He's been standing up and speaking in assembly and she has to ask him to put his hand down and let other children answer sometimes as she knows he will know the answer (absolutely fine with this). Also very mature and expressive language.

We don't focus on academics in our house, but more on values of being kind. She said he has a special friendship and bond with a little girl who needs additional help and checks she is ok and has her specialised equipment etc Also he is described as having beautiful manners and being genuinely liked by other children.

So.....After Parents evening other parents were chatting and sharing and I found myself feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable sharing DS's as I didn't want to look like I was bragging or make him (or me) look smug. I found myself really playing it down, and even making up areas that he could improve (DS not there). Is it inevitable that I can't be proud of him or that I'll always have to play his successes down? Am I overthinking? A couple of parents did comment he was very mature and not an "average 4yr old". I don't want him to feel different or feel bad for being intelligent. (Me and DH are average, degree educated but not by any stretch academic).

I know it sounds like a stealth boast but it's really not.

OP, I understand what you mean.

DS2 is a very bright boy and a real good all rounder. He is 12 and in top sets for everything.

I just don't mention it to other parents really, just say we are very proud of him and leave it at that.

If other parents want to brag its up to them, but I'm not joining in!

I'm not "drilling" into anything. That's what his teacher told us in the 10 min slot we had.

is working at the very top end for everything. He's been standing up and speaking in assembly and she has to ask him to put his hand down and let other children answer sometimes as she knows he will know the answer

So he could work on his social skills and learn to take turns, become reflective on how he appears to others...at 4 there is sooooo much development yet to come. Working at "top end for everything" in the first few months of primary school really isn't a strong indicator of any real academic ability...more a maturity thing.I am assuming he's an only child?

Genuine question. What did you hope to gain from this thread OP?

My dd was extremely advanced from the age of 6 months when she started taking and by 12 months was having very in depth conversations and knew a lot and how to count, alphabet etc I thought people were jealous when they looked horrified at this taking baby they were confronted with. One dr recoiled then came back with colleagues and they started very random conversations with her to test was she mimicking or was she holding and developing conversations and they were astounded .

at school she was on the gifted and talented register and very much ahead of her peers. She won a scholarship at 11 and was meant to start private school but she had a total breakdown and was then assessed for ASD. She has a very high IQ and is hugely intelligent but struggled in every other area of life. We had to home educate her and she got level 9s in all her gcses but her functioning in other areas of life is severely affected

This.

DD was like this for the first few years at school, DS in Y1 is like this too. They are/were both bright, sociable, kind kids who loved learning and took in new ideas like sponges. We never had anything but glowing feedback for the whole of infant school.

But things change as they get older and it’s not always indicative of their academic or social skills as they grow up. DD is now Y6 and most of her peers have caught up with her, and we have all kinds of social issues and anxieties popping up.

I would just smile and say he’s doing well and seems to enjoy school, there’s no need for anything further really.

Mine get glowing parent eve / reports. I usually just say "yes he's doing really well" or "bless him yes he's a good boy". By the end of year & in future years all the parents roughly know who the brightest ones are in the class. No need for you to give details.

My reception child is the same - reading, writing and doing simple addition. Plus they are very young in the year. So not that unusual.

If other mums etc ask about school I always say “oh she loves it, she’s made some little friends, she loves her teacher” etc. No one actually wants to know about your child’s academic progress (apart from maybe grandparents). Try just saying something normal in response, then ask about their child?

You can be proud about him to family and very close friends. You don’t need to mention it at the school gate.

The other parents don't care and you will look smug, even with your humble bragging. DD is year 11 and expected to score 9s across the board next year. Even her brothers and GP aren't aware of it. It's not something that needs discussing.

I’ve seen so many “proud parent alerts” on Facebook from their first parents evening.
What is the teacher really meant to say? “sorry but your 4 year old is a spoilt brat”
I’m pretty sure everyone got good feedback about their kid!

And of course its ott and unnecessary, that's my exact point and why I explained I didn't say any of this to other parents.
I was obviously right to play it down judging my some of these comments

But that works both ways. if your son was stuggling you'd find something to say like he's settled in well, loves the huge playground, or really enjoys eating with his friend etc. You don't play it down because he's a bright child, you play it down because other parents don't care. They're just making small talk.

No, he's not an only child. He has a sister.

Teachers always gush about the kids! It's not like performance reviews at work.

Well done to your little one, it’s lovely when they make you proud.

it’s early days for knowing how things will be over the next few years. Just focus on supporting his learning with lots of reading at home and taking an interest in whatever they’re covering at school.

I don’t see the issue.

My DS is the same. If anyone asks about parents evening I just go with something like “oh it was great to meet the teacher, touch wood DS seems fine at the moment, how was little so and so’s?”

Gosh it's so weird. In my 11 years of parents evenings, I've never once stood around and compared my little Johnny's progress against his peers.

He sounds like the next Mahatma Gandhi

@MaryShelley1818 because my child just started reception and haven't even talked about maths yet, mostly playing and learning to read and that is about it.
I don't understand how they have fitted all what you are saying in in the first 6 weeks of reception class

He's 4, him doing well at simple addition and phonics is not really an indication into whether or not he'll be "extremely bright" academically for the rest of his life.
DD was one of the "top of her class" in reception, she's 12 now and has been on the SEN register since year 5.

I don't get why you can't just say "he's doing great, we're really proud"

You can and should be proud, but there's really no need to mention the details to other parents. My son (now yr 6) has always had this kind of feedback but Im very aware it could all change at some point, basically he could be crap at secondary school who knows? We tell his grandparents all the details, we tell other parents he's very happy and doing well, nothing more needed.

The other parents are likely to have been given glowing reports too and, if I'm being totally honest, they really don't care. They're asking out of politeness.

So yes, you should play it down, unless you want to come across as insufferable.

If you know it's OTT, then why would you want to mention it?

I’ve got one of these OP. You just go ‘yeah, parents evening was all good thanks! What about you?’ or ‘what are you up to at the weekend?’ if they’ve already told you how their was. You’re overthinking and that leads to blunders.

I think it’s amusing that some people have used this stealth boast to thinly disguise their own stealth boasts. “Yes, you’re boasting, but my precious off-spring is also doing her GCSEs in the reception class etc” type thing
Children develop, blossom and bloom at different times and in different ways.
Don’t let it go to your head- parenthood is a marathon not a sprint!

They don't have full maths lessons but they'll incorporate counting or the alphabet or whatever into PE or art lessons.

They'll be drawing and learning about animals or they'll go outside and look for bugs and add up how many they see.

Exactly the question I asked...other people's experience of having bright children.
Lots of people have responded and gave some excellent advice, plus a few daft angry messages from the usual standard MN AIBU people.

I meant with the other parents. I don't know how the others in the class are doing with their reading and writing because it's odd to go into that level of detail when talking about how your reception aged child is doing.