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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse a school home visit?

625 replies

CoffeePlease93 · 16/10/2022 11:49

My son has just started school this year so I don’t know if this is the norm or not?

So apparently his school (not the teachers) does home visits with all the new parents to discuss any issues going on and for a chit chat (and probably just to be nosey around your home too!)

I have already had to reschedule once because we -all had COVID but I’ve got it coming up again now but it’s just such an inconvenience! I work from home, have a medical procedure coming up which I have several appointments beforehand and I also have a private issue going on (legal issues) which is requiring a lot of solicitor appointments and admin stuff at home at the moment too.

There has been no issues with my son at school whatsoever, he is doing amazingly well, glowing reports, I have brilliant communication with his actual teachers - I don’t need any extra support with anything and there is a parent’s evening coming up soon anyway.

I also have an extremely anxious dog who really stresses out if stranger’s come into the home (constantly barking, pacing up and down, sometimes wee’s - something we are working on but he came from a bad home previous to us).

WIBU to tell them I don’t need a home visit and this just isn’t going to work for me or will it be seen as bad and negative thing like I’m not co-operating or I’m being resistant etc?

And yes… I do tend to overthink everything which is why I’m asking!

OP posts:
Lilliflip · 16/10/2022 11:50

That’s very intrusive and I’ve never heard of this before.
I’d say your dog gets stressed with strangers in the home and you’re happy to chat about anything that needs to be raised in school.

Untitledsquatboulder · 16/10/2022 11:52

It's totally normal round here. Refuse if you want to but then you'll have to accept they will draw their own conclusions about that.

megletthesecond · 16/10/2022 11:52

lil it's been common for well over a decade.

RebeccaRose92 · 16/10/2022 11:54

They do that around here too, my DD starts schoool next year and I’m not looking forward to it. I never have any guests in my home.

Original poster
CoffeePlease93 · 16/10/2022 11:54

@Untitledsquatboulder draw their own conclusions about that meaning what exactly? Other schools that don’t do this don’t see inside a child’s home so what happens then?

I also myself suffer from anxiety and I don’t like stranger’s in my home myself as PP said, it’s quite intrusive!

Plus not all parents can spare the time for a chit chat especially when there is nothing to really talk about

OP posts:
Mymoneydontjigglejiggle · 16/10/2022 11:55

Yeah we had this, it was only about 5 minutes and seemed a total waste of time to me. I'd just say about your dog and health issues. Maybe offer to have a meeting at the school if required after you've recovered from the medical procedure? I doubt they will say it's necessary but at least it looks like you've tried!

ClocksGoingBackwards · 16/10/2022 11:55

Home visits are normal, but it seems unusual to have them after the child has already started school. It’s done as an induction thing to let the family and teacher to get to know each other before starting school ime.

You don’t have to have the visit, but you have to accept that they will draw their own conclusions about it.

BeanieTeen · 16/10/2022 11:56

This is very standard and has been for years - generally the visit happens before starting school but I guess that’s what you missed initially? You can refuse it, sure. But you do seem to be making a mountain out of a molehill when it comes to someone visiting your home for 20 minutes. They sit and ask a few questions and played and chatted with DS for a little bit. He loved it and was very excited. I was on my knees with horrendous morning sickness, but still a pleasant visit. Much less of a faff than having the boiler inspected and our extractor fan fixed. Do you seriously never have anyone come into your house?

PupInAPram · 16/10/2022 11:56

Untitledsquatboulder · 16/10/2022 11:52

It's totally normal round here. Refuse if you want to but then you'll have to accept they will draw their own conclusions about that.

What an utterly ridiculous, judgy post. Of course they won't think anything of it if you say you'd rather not this time but you are happy for telephone chat if eeded.

Hoardasurass · 16/10/2022 11:56

This is not a thing round my way and any school suggesting it would be told to do one as its way to intrusive

Notjusta · 16/10/2022 11:56

I had a home visit before one of my DS started school but not the other (different schools with different approaches I guess) so I think it's not unusual - although I think it's odd now he's started. I thought the purpose of them was for the teacher to meet your kid on their home turf and get to know them and you a bit before school starts (as well as have a bit of a noesy round). I think if you really don't want to you can say so - they can't force you.

DuckTails · 16/10/2022 11:57

I’ve not heard of it before but it sounds a very sensible policy given the amount of stories we’ve heard about child abuse recently.

I appreciate it’s inconvenient but surely you want to build a good relationship with the school and it’s relatively a small inconvenience if they’re coming to you?

Also I’d be concerned about your dog if you have a 4 year old in the house. You should read the other ongoing thread about dog attacks. I simply can’t understand people who prioritize dogs over their children.

VladmirsPoutine · 16/10/2022 11:59

I don't think yabu I don't like having people over at all but can I ask who does these visits? So the teachers are supposed to visit 30 ish homes sometime during the evenings? Confused I don't have kids but what do they say? Do they want to see the bedrooms and kitchens etc?

LondonQueen · 16/10/2022 12:00

It's very commonplace these days, though it is usually the teacher and another member of staff who visit, and when your DC first begins school, not when they have already started.

Oysterbabe · 16/10/2022 12:00

Our school does this. It was quite nice and really not a big deal.
Don't you ever have guests in your home? Will you host playdates for your child?

Simonjt · 16/10/2022 12:00

You can decline them, I did, they’re not compulsory visits.

Elsamit · 16/10/2022 12:02

If you are due a medical procedure soon, then you could use the rise in Covid as an excuse i.e. not wanting visitors into your home (especially from a school setting where Covid spreads easily) to minimise your risk of contracting it before you go into hospital.

kirinm · 16/10/2022 12:03

We had one - completely normal in my part of SE London. I can 100% understand the benefit of it. It isn't a bad thing that the school can try and establish a bit about the child's home life.

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 16/10/2022 12:03

Jesus those poor teachers! They would probably be quite grateful if you could do the meeting at school instead, even if they weren’t allowed to say so to your face.

Original poster
CoffeePlease93 · 16/10/2022 12:03

@DuckTails my dog is absolutely fine around people he knows thank you very much and has a very good relationship with me and my child thank you.

OP posts:
Roomba · 16/10/2022 12:04

My kids' schools did this, but it was done the week before they started reception as a way for kids to meet their teachers quietly somewhere that feels safe to them (unlike the earlier taster sessions where they went into school with all the other kids).

It also gave parents a chance to bring up anything they wanted the teachers to know, but didn't want to discuss in front of other parents and kids at the taster sessions.

They certainly didn't nosy around my house. They chatted to me in the living room for about ten minutes tops and then left. Of course, had they arrived to find squalor and drugs left lying around the house, they would have a duty to report it. But they weren't doing it just to look out for problems.

I refused to do it for DS2 as we were on holiday that week. They said fine, nothing else came of it. Lots of parents can't do it as they work full time (DS1's teachers went and met the kids at nursery/childminders instead if possible).

Original poster
CoffeePlease93 · 16/10/2022 12:04

@Oysterbabe yes we do have people in the home that we know, play dates we normally meet a group of parents outside somewhere as there is much more space and a fun day out.

OP posts:
mycatisannoying · 16/10/2022 12:05

It's really odd that people would be so opposed to this.
And I feel sad for the kids whose parents never have guests around. It's a strange way to live.

Original poster
CoffeePlease93 · 16/10/2022 12:05

@PeekabooAtTheZoo that’s the thing though it’s not even the teacher’s doing it, it’s a support team for the school that have very little input or interaction with my child

OP posts:
BeanieTeen · 16/10/2022 12:05

I don’t know why people are talking ‘nosying around’ - we just sat in the living room, that’s the only room they saw. It’s not a home inspection.

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