To refuse a school home visit?

[CoffeePlease93]

My son has just started school this year so I don’t know if this is the norm or not?

So apparently his school (not the teachers) does home visits with all the new parents to discuss any issues going on and for a chit chat (and probably just to be nosey around your home too!)

I have already had to reschedule once because we -all had COVID but I’ve got it coming up again now but it’s just such an inconvenience! I work from home, have a medical procedure coming up which I have several appointments beforehand and I also have a private issue going on (legal issues) which is requiring a lot of solicitor appointments and admin stuff at home at the moment too.

There has been no issues with my son at school whatsoever, he is doing amazingly well, glowing reports, I have brilliant communication with his actual teachers - I don’t need any extra support with anything and there is a parent’s evening coming up soon anyway.

I also have an extremely anxious dog who really stresses out if stranger’s come into the home (constantly barking, pacing up and down, sometimes wee’s - something we are working on but he came from a bad home previous to us).

WIBU to tell them I don’t need a home visit and this just isn’t going to work for me or will it be seen as bad and negative thing like I’m not co-operating or I’m being resistant etc?

And yes… I do tend to overthink everything which is why I’m asking!

Liverpool. No, not a thing here. Never heard of it.

@CoffeePlease93 Why are you being so rude and combative? You've asked people if they think the school will have an opinion on you declining a visit and some people have said yes. You literally asked the question.

It's very standard for schools to conduct home visits where we live. As far back as the 90's they were doing it; possibly before. Nobody can possibly tell you what your child's school will think about you declining the visit. School staff are individuals with their own opinions and views. The uptake of the visits will also vary from school to school, so if you're one of 75% of parents who decline it will likely go unnoticed as opposed to if you're one of only 2 or 3.

FWIW if you're as defensive and bristly as you've come across on this thread and you start giving a million excuses as to why you can't possibly accommodate a visit then yes, I personally believe conclusions will be drawn. Not necessarily that there's anything untoward going on but more likely that you're a bit obstructive and hard work. In the interests of home/school relations (which are important for your child's sake) I would make the effort to be available for this. By your own admission you could make time; you're just choosing not to prioritise it.

It wouldn’t though. And you, a ‘safeguarding lead’ can’t say anything more than vague threats about ‘alarm bells ringing’. It’s garbage, nobody will care and even if they did, they’re too busy and underfunded to do anything about it anyway.

DT’s left nursery on the Friday and started school on the following Monday. We wouldn’t have been at home for a visit - didn’t do them at their school.

It seems a bit pointless now your child has been in school since September. I would decline. We had it before Dd started school.

@CoffeePlease93 could you maybe call the school tomorrow and ask what the visit is for? They may explain it to you better. I'm sure they'll be 100% fine if you explain your circumstances and ask to postpone or they'll say it can be done over the phone?

Also please don't think I'm suggesting you're not a good parent.
As for your dog, one of mine barks like crazy if shut away, he likes to say hello.

It happens in Scotland and has done for a long time, although it because more common over covid. I’ve worked all over Scotland and 95% of schools offer home visits as part of the induction process. I’ve never heard of it not being the class teacher though.

These are very common and it will be a 15 minute chat in your sitting room. Yes usually they're done before or at the very start of school, and it is for building the relationship, safeguarding, and one other reason that hasn't been mentioned -- to be sure you live at the address on the basis of which you were offered the school place. So to prevent catchment and admissions fraud. OP, I'd just get it done. It isn't a big deal.

They are visiting so that the school is better informed about your child and their circumstances, so that they can better support them in their learning and general well-being.

And I feel sad for the kids whose parents never have guests around. It's a strange way to live

Lots of people with social anxiety, mental health issues. Others with disabled children or elderly parents in the home for whom routine is paramount. Others living in poverty and are scared they will be judged for their peeling wallpaper, the hallway that needs carpeting or the mould in the bathroom. Others are just untidy and would rather they weren’t judged for it. There are lots of people who have good reason not to open their home to all and sundry and more still who are not comfortable in doing so. But hey ho, don’t think beyond the confines of your own life, will you?

I can’t accommodate them RIGHT now because I am busy, not everyone has the luxury of being a mum who sits at home doing nothing all day and can make appointments at the drop of a hat

‘AIBU?’
‘Yes.’
’No that’s not the answer I want!’

Seriously though - these visits are not just for ‘mums who sit at home doing nothing all day’ (whoever they may be…) The vast majority of busy parents manage to fit this in. You have anxiety and don’t want people in your home - just own it. People are ignoring your ‘but I’m soooo busy’ comments because they very much come across like poor excuses. We’re all busy, thanks. And we still make time for these kinds of things.

I’m a teacher and I’d decline it too. It’s a waste of time.

Dear coffee please
I think you have bee given an unwarranted hard time by some posters…
I would feel very similar to you.
from what you’ve said, you’re (and your dc) doing great.
I hope your health issues are resolved soon, and good for you to stand up for yourself and not be bamboozled into something unnecessary at this point in time.
best of luck for the future

It's really obvious that you just don't want someone in your home, by the way you talk about it. you don't think it's necessary - but perhaps school do? The way you describe that 'they will be swiftly asked to leave' sounds so defensive and makes it very very clear they are NOT welcome. Why? Ask yourself, why do you feel so adamant that they are not welcome? Do you unconsciously feel they are going to be judging you?

Sounds a very sensible policy. I can't imagine why you wouldn't want a good relationship with your son's new school. And no teacher has enough time on their hands to want to 'nosey' in other people's houses.

Bloody hell, you posted about your dog, what exactly is my business then? Try not telling strangers to piss off

It’s not a thing in my small village, though I have heard of it. I would have been grateful for anything tbh, as it was with covid I didn’t even know what the school playground looked like until my child’s first day, and had had no contact with any teachers prior to that point

It's common across many not all parts of UK to do a home visits before primary aged child starts school as part of settling in process - and it's adults they'll interact with.

It's not common to do it for a child that has already started especially when there appear to be no concerns and it's not going to be child's teacher - presumably because they are teaching the child in school at the time.

I think most people in OP position would be asking why this is needed - why in their home and why now and what's it about - trying to evaluate if it's worth taking the time out of work and rearranging life around it.

I think this is quite shocking if that is the case. It might be helpful for some people but as far as I can see, the visit has no clear educational or safeguarding purpose, and therefore while it might be nice, and I am sure is well intentioned, is probably a complete waste of time for most people.

Was the first visit that needed cancelled supposed to be before your child started school OP?

If so, I would just cancel this visit now and say that now that they've settled in you feel it's unnecessary. They will likely agree. If it's usually done before the child starts school then it sounds as if it's more about answering any questions and introductions to the child. Doesn't make much sense now the child has started

Friend worked in a reception class that did this (TA) The teacher insisted she accompany him on home visits, she had to take an activity for the child while he talked to parent/s. He told her he spun these home visits out as much as possible as he liked being out the school and he liked seeing inside peoples houses. So yes, I’d refuse it too.
Just say it doesn’t work for you, a combination of dog and wfh. You’re happy to discuss anything in school.

@Givenuptotally a lot of those reasons would be things that school would like to know about as may need to give extra support to the children

I can understand the point of this if it was his class teacher visiting to introduce themselves just before your DC was starting school. It seems like a complete waste of time now, so I would decline. Let them draw whatever conclusion they want - probably that you're too busy to bother with a pointless appointment.

Never heard of this. Just say no thanks.

There's a school in our SE London Borough that does home visits for EVERY year group - not just the ones starting reception!

In our school, parents who refuse do get noted on the internal safeguarding system.