To refuse a school home visit?

[CoffeePlease93]

My son has just started school this year so I don’t know if this is the norm or not?

So apparently his school (not the teachers) does home visits with all the new parents to discuss any issues going on and for a chit chat (and probably just to be nosey around your home too!)

I have already had to reschedule once because we -all had COVID but I’ve got it coming up again now but it’s just such an inconvenience! I work from home, have a medical procedure coming up which I have several appointments beforehand and I also have a private issue going on (legal issues) which is requiring a lot of solicitor appointments and admin stuff at home at the moment too.

There has been no issues with my son at school whatsoever, he is doing amazingly well, glowing reports, I have brilliant communication with his actual teachers - I don’t need any extra support with anything and there is a parent’s evening coming up soon anyway.

I also have an extremely anxious dog who really stresses out if stranger’s come into the home (constantly barking, pacing up and down, sometimes wee’s - something we are working on but he came from a bad home previous to us).

WIBU to tell them I don’t need a home visit and this just isn’t going to work for me or will it be seen as bad and negative thing like I’m not co-operating or I’m being resistant etc?

And yes… I do tend to overthink everything which is why I’m asking!

I am not a hoarder but I am a private person, and I would refuse. It's not appropriate or necessary. If you have an issue, I'll be happy to meet you at school to discuss it, but it's crossing the line to insistent on coming to my home uninvited.

I agree with DuckTails except the bit about DDog. I'm sure OP knows what she's doing and loves her son more than the poor dog.
By refusing the fact could be written in the child's file. You don't want them to have a bad impression of you. Explain all the problems though and ask them to wear a mask.

If you can't spare an hour, have anyone in your home, manage your dogs anxiety how on earth you going to manage school plays, parents evenings, picking him from school when he is sick, having school friends and parents over birthday parties sleepovers....list is endless.

I never figured that sleepovers and birthdays were obligatory.

YANBU at all. I never heard of this before, would be thought very odd where I live (not UK). Since both DH and I work full time and we're all very busy I don't know when they'd find the time to visit us anyway. I would just say no and if someone wants to put me on a Database of Uncooperative Parents somewhere I don't really care.

No you’re not being unreasonable and I can’t believe anyone thinks you are!!

It’s YOUR home…. No one has to be invited in ..

our school teachers came and visited before my Daughter started in year R… but I understood that as they came and met her, did some puzzles, she drew a picture etc… so it was kind of an introduction and for them to see if she could hold a pencil, write her name etc……
Coming to your house after they start school doesn’t make sense at all!!
I would call them and politely say that you’d like to cancel and would be more convenient to discuss at parents evening. If they push just explain that you have a dog who doesn’t like strangers and will likely bark the whole time anyway making it stressful and you wouldn’t be able to relax/talk!….
Just say thank you but no thank you

Coming to your house after they start school doesn’t make sense at all!!

Coming to your house after your child has started school and been diagnosed with whatever it is that requires CAHMS involvement makes alot of sense.

Why?? How often would you invite strangers in your home? Plus if you read she states she’s working through these issues
With friends you can prepare for a nervous dog, harder with a teacher you’ve not even met

@N8mech8nge my job is safeguarding, that's my role. I work extremely closely with social care.

If you read all my comments you would see that I had agreed with the OP when she said she was going to call the school and for the meeting to be postponed,

The OP stated she had CAMHS involved with her son (we don't know why). Her home hasn't always been a safe space (potential domestic abuse). She has solicitors heavily involved (again we don't know why). Due to these reasons, I would suspect, not definite, that the school may be involved deeper than your "standard" pupil.

We don't know the OP personally or her case so nobody can offer advice that is 100% correct.

Just put the dog in the kitchen or bedroom.

What a waste of time… Do they honestly think that people so t tidy and clean before the visits?!…. What would an hour visit show…. Nothing!! It’s not like they look at the DVD collection to make sure it’s age appropriate, or check the kitchen to make sure knives bleach etc are out of reach….
Anyone can fool someone for an hour!

Totally your call. I've had visits for all 3 of mine (2 different schools). Is nice for the teachers to see them in their home environment, meet the pets, kids can talk freely about themselves 1:1. It isn't a test or something where you are being judged. It allows the teachers to link home life to school. My daughter's teachers often talk to her about their visit... her bike, her cat, the toys she has at home etc. It means they can connect to her more easily because they have an insight into her home likes and dislikes. That's just my opinion, do what you feel is right.

I think maybe some of these insecurities are coming across. At the beginning of the thread yanbu would have been suggested. But seeing OPs replies, her level of anxiety, how she would ask someone to leave after 15 minutes rings alarm bells to me as someone that works with SEN children they are always flagged way higher than other children due to a) the amount of involvement from other professionals b) the level of support that families generally need - which is my job supporting families that have asked for help with their SEN kids (which they have a duty to report to each other) there is internal logging systems within schools that can literally flag anything from an argument in the play ground, a health issue, a bruise or anything that the school want to make note of. Also the fact her child is in school may make it more reason to visit, he could have mentioned something in passing like I'm not allowed friends round... so school are checking.

The answer which I can't see if anyone has answered are you the only parent having this visit or is there a collection of mums that all missed their pre covid and its a case of box ticking for the school so it's not flagged up on ofsted that they missed the home visit... it may be that they just have to offer it.

I'm sure your home is fine but you do come across very defensive and anxious and as someone that has had to deal with tons of professionals due to my own SEN child, another (slightly) ill child and I was a teen mum I know how overwhelming it can feel and you want to shout FUCK OFF! but you can't and you don't and actually the visits are quite pleasant and you can build a great relationship which come invaluable in the future when they are 12, school refusing and you need support and people to back you up that it isn't your parenting! :) good luck.

We had ‘home visits’ when my kids started school. They are a complete waste of everyone’s time and energy. If I had my time again I would absolutely refuse them. They are nothing more than a tick box exercise. Just say no, there’s nothing they can do.

And to those saying it’s to do with safeguarding and child abuse, what a load of absolute bollocks. Having a one off home visit like this does not discover or prevent it from happening!

@CoffeePlease93 honestly, just refuse it, I really wish I had. It’s a massive invasion of your privacy and personally I felt very uncomfortable about the whole thing before, during and afterwards!

Fellow teacher who would decline. Also a safeguarding lead, would not instantly jump to ‘that child is being abused’ conclusion. Look at the bigger picture.

Home visits are not to do with safeguarding. There is evidence they have benefits. I have posted links already on this thread.

*And no, if I saw an 18DVD I wouldn't be dancing around a cauldron with glee about the intel id found. However, if that child comes to school terrified of certain things they've seen and I find out parents allow access to inappropriate materials then yes, I would rightly be concerned. Many people on this thread have no concept of early help criteria/or child safeguarding responsibilities(

Exactly. If you saw the DVD you would (a) assume that the parents let the child watch it and (b) assume that if the child mentioned something untoward that they had let the child see it. Putting 2 and 2 together and making about 25. Making assumptions because you spent 10 minutes in someone's sitting room.

And don't patronise MNers about safeguarding, you have no idea what backgrounds people have.

actually the visits are quite pleasant and you can build a great relationship which come invaluable in the future when they are 12, school refusing and you need support and people to back you up that it isn't your parenting

how would the fact that a reception teacher visited my house 7 years ago help with a school refusing scenario in secondary school? Ok in the OP's case the visit is not from the teacher, but in most instances it's the teacher.

How is it silly. If parents should be willing to open their doors to school staff, would a head teacher allow a teacher to come and check out their home for their own children?
This is a judgement visit and is not a legal requirement. If it was, all schools would do it.
If a parent or schools feels there are issues and a home visit would be of benefit, fair enough, but a one size fits all approach is wrong.

Fellow teacher who would also decline. And having worked in children's social care, I have spent a lot of time remind schools they should not be investigating safeguarding concerns. Their duty is to report, not investigate.

Home visits are not about safeguarding even if an individual teacher thinks it is.
It is based on research that this helps to build better relationships with families. But they should always be voluntary.

Really surprised that so many people on here are saying 'ooh, better not say no, because they'll mark your child down as at risk.' At risk of what? With absolutely no evidence? Not wanting state interference is not evidence of abuse. I don't know if it's a thing everywhere - I haven't heard of it in Scotland. But I'd say no as well. To be fair, if it involved actual class teachers getting to know parents - as often happens in smaller schools, especially rural schools - that would be fine, with agreement on all sides. Education is a partnership. But who are these 'support staff' who are checking out homes and ticking boxes? No way.

I have two children and have worked in education for over 20 years - as a teacher and also in a support staff role - and I have NEVER heard of this happening… as a parent or as a professional. How weird! It definitely sounds like a chance for the school to have a nosey (and make judgements!) so it’d be a big nope from me and they can draw whatever conclusions they like 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm really surprised as well, if that's what people have said.

The child wouldn't be marked down as at risk based on one incidence of refusing a visit if there were no other concerns.

But the refusal would be recorded on the child's record and shared with other agencies, such as GP, school health and anyone else involved with the child ( in our area we select a code on the electronic record).

This is so that everyone will be aware and can see if a pattern emerges in the future that might mean there are safeguarding concerns.

So your very limited experience means nothing. it was happening when my DC were little and they are in mid 20s.

Why does my ‘limited’ experience mean any less than your (more) limited experience? There was absolutely no need to be rude to me. I wasn’t saying that it doesn’t happen, simply that in my 20 years of working in education I have never heard it happening in any of the multiple schools that I have worked in.