Background info so as not to drip feed: My friend, (henceforth known as “Birthday Girl” - BG) invited me to her destination birthday. She also invited my close friend (F) who she likes but doesn’t know well. The other people going all know each other from her work so she invited F along so I could have someone here too which was thoughtful and kind.
She booked accommodation for the group. The blokes (including F) were to stay in a dorm together. The hotel also has a self-enclosed villa at the top with a living room for the whole group to use and she booked that too. When arranging everything she sent a message saying she would take the master bedroom with her partner, and there was also a twin room to share and a sofa bed. She booked everything and I paid her my (equal) share for the villa.
F and I turned up a day later than everyone else. BG was out sightseeing when we arrived but some of the group were there to let us into the villa. I found out then that two other guests were in the twin room and the only place left for me was the sofa bed in the living room.
I was unhappy about this - I’m a light sleeper, teetotal right now and generally go to bed early. Being forced to stay up until nine other people (who drink) are ready to sleep is my idea of abject misery. And not being able to nap in the afternoon if I want because everyone is using the space, and not having anywhere to unpack my things.
I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep properly AT ALL so decided the best thing to do was just find a room elsewhere (F opted to do this too as he thought it would be awkward staying there if I wasn’t around). We found somewhere with 2 available rooms nearby and checked in.
Later, we met up with everyone for a drink and I could tell BG was upset but we couldn’t really talk properly surrounded by everyone else and I assumed we would when we got a moment alone. However, the next morning (today, which is her actual birthday) she sent me a message saying she would rather we didn’t join them for the celebrations as she is very “angry and upset”. She also said we “should feel free to move on if we wanted to” (it’s a small town, and I guess she doesn’t want to risk bumping into us.) she also said she has paid me back for my share of the villa.
We exchanged a couple of messages. I said if I’d have known in advance I would be left with the sofa I would have just arranged a separate room for myself in the same hotel. She said she had made it very clear the sofa was a possibility. But I don’t think it was clear at all. The sofa is such an unequal sleeping situation compared to the other options, wouldn’t you at least give the person stuck with it a heads up? I would have!
There’s basically been a miscommunication between us about the sleeping arrangements, but I feel I’ve sorted it out as best I can by getting a room elsewhere, which has zero negative impact on BG or anyone else (if anything, it’s a net win for everyone as I would have been grumpy as fuck sleeping on the sofa and miserable company).
It just seems so mean to disinvite us from the party. The trip has ended up costing a small fortune (south of France), and F and I are self employed and we’ve both given up work days (and earnings) to come. We chipped in together so we could get her a really good gift, and now we can’t even give it to her.
In her last message she said we need a conversation about this, but not today, implying that we will hash things out when we get back to the UK, but honestly AIBU to just say fuck it, and not bother?
I’m not wrong, am I? This is really mean?!