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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend dismissive about holiday

214 replies

Gezunteit1 · 12/10/2022 12:01

My partner and I are going on what is a holiday in a lifetime for us, never flown long-haul before and we've saved a lot for this.
I told a friend we were going (her and her husband are on high incomes)
And she just said, "That's nice but really not the sort of place I'd choose, it's somewhere I'd go to take a few pictures but that's it, it's far too fake and artificial (it's not Dubai) .
"Personally I prefer somewhere like X long haul expensive place"
That's good for her, and it doesn't have to be everyone's cup of tea but why the need to say that and try and put a dampener on it?
It's like if a family were going to Blackpool (I know its rep but I like it) i wouldn't go "Oh it's far too tacky and rough there, I prefer the Cotswolds myself"
I'd just keep my mouth shut and let them be happy about it.

OP posts:
TwoWrightFeet · 12/10/2022 17:08

She isn’t your friend and sounds like a messed up nightmare of a human. Why do you want to be friends with her?

SirGawain · 12/10/2022 17:34

Lady Gawain and I are rather proud of going to places that people think they wouldn’t like. (How many people do you know who have been to Greenland?)

Oliverfunyuns · 12/10/2022 17:36

Some people never learned that you can have a thought without voicing it, especially if it needlessly diminishes someone else's happiness.

Personally, if I consistently feel worse after spending time with a person than I did beforehand, I take steps to limit my exposure to them. If this is a one-off, I'd ignore, but I'd start noticing if she's always raining on your parade.

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 12/10/2022 17:40

You’ll learn as you get older that life is much easier if you don’t feel the need to share every decision with your friends.

Noviembre · 12/10/2022 17:42

If you boast, prepare for people to knock you down.

Boasting's rude.

MurderAtTheBeautyPageant · 12/10/2022 17:44

Noviembre · 12/10/2022 17:42

If you boast, prepare for people to knock you down.

Boasting's rude.

I've just farted in your tedious direction.

Is that considered rude too?

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 12/10/2022 18:06

Noviembre · 12/10/2022 17:42

If you boast, prepare for people to knock you down.

Boasting's rude.

Have you posted on the wrong thread or are you just trying your hand at amateur fortune cookie writing?

Coyoacan · 12/10/2022 18:15

I think we often let our pre-formed opinions stand in the way of learning something new. Your friend obviously doesn't even know the place where you are going but is closed to find out about it

girlmom21 · 12/10/2022 18:16

Noviembre · 12/10/2022 17:42

If you boast, prepare for people to knock you down.

Boasting's rude.

Being excited about a rare trip abroad isn't boasting

monsteramunch · 12/10/2022 18:20

Gezunteit1 · 12/10/2022 12:12

Oh she definitely does see herself as superior. She's married with a mortgage on a nice house and a fancy car and a high paying job.i don't have any of those things but she does come off as a bit patronising with me. I am trying to apply for higher paid roles and looking towards the future though.

Why do you want to be friends with someone who doesn't sound very nice?

pictish · 12/10/2022 19:05

Gezunteit1 · 12/10/2022 13:09

Yeah exactly they like different things, so not sure why she can't see that too.

You’re being just as chippy about your preferences though. If they like different things then her feeling about your holiday would be that it is not to her taste…which is exactly what she said. I know it’s polite to ooh and ahh over other peoples choices but there’s nothing inherently wrong with her response. I don’t like lots of holiday destinations that others are excited about. For most I play along with the fake enthusing but if it was a good friend I felt I could be myself with, I might offer my own thoughts.

pictish · 12/10/2022 19:12

For example, Disney, New York, Las Vegas…none of these appeal to me at all. If someone paid for me to go I would (not Disney) but if it’s my hard earned cash they’re all waaaay down on the list for places to go on holiday to. In fact, there are places I’d far rather visit that would be a fraction of the price of those destinations. Is that wrong to say?

CaptainMyCaptain · 12/10/2022 20:14

pictish · 12/10/2022 19:12

For example, Disney, New York, Las Vegas…none of these appeal to me at all. If someone paid for me to go I would (not Disney) but if it’s my hard earned cash they’re all waaaay down on the list for places to go on holiday to. In fact, there are places I’d far rather visit that would be a fraction of the price of those destinations. Is that wrong to say?

If someone tells you they're going to Disney land it would be rude to say "You couldn't pay me to go there" even if that's what you think. You could say "It's not my thing but I hope you enjoy it". Can't you see the difference? FWIW I wouldn't want to go there either but I wouldn't sneer about it.

InCheesusWeTrust · 12/10/2022 20:18

monsteramunch · 12/10/2022 18:20

Why do you want to be friends with someone who doesn't sound very nice?

Show quote history

I would add "and you obviously don't like".

I don't get it. You don't have friendhip. You are just somehow tolerating each other for god knows what reason

OrangePumpkinLobelia · 12/10/2022 20:25

Disney is not my thing either but when the parents of DS1's best friend said they were doing Disney orlando this coming half term I said; 'Oh my heavens.. that is so exciting, What a wonderful experience for the kids that they will always remember!'.

That's normal right?

WelshNerd · 12/10/2022 20:27

Just ignore her and enjoy las Vegas!

FrozenGhost · 12/10/2022 20:41

pictish · 12/10/2022 19:12

For example, Disney, New York, Las Vegas…none of these appeal to me at all. If someone paid for me to go I would (not Disney) but if it’s my hard earned cash they’re all waaaay down on the list for places to go on holiday to. In fact, there are places I’d far rather visit that would be a fraction of the price of those destinations. Is that wrong to say?

It's not a choice between gushing over a place and saying it's shit. You can also make normal conversation "Oh great, you must be excited, how long are you going for, what have you got planned to do, who are you flying with, what's the weather like there at that time of year etc etc".

zeddybrek · 12/10/2022 20:47

She's not a nice friend. That is a really mean thing to say to anyone looking forward to a special trip. Phase her out. I would have said something along the lines of how nice, what an exciting thing to look forward to, can't wait to see pics etc etc.

DozyFox · 13/10/2022 07:42

Catonamountain · 12/10/2022 15:44

Why would she be jealous ffs??

Because being sneery is often a sign of a jealous person. I don't know OP so I don't know why her friend might be jealous, I'm just saying that people who behave in the way her friend does are often insecure and/or jealous. Hope that's okay x

TooHotToTangoToo · 13/10/2022 07:42

It's not a choice between gushing over a place and saying it's shit. You can also make normal conversation "Oh great, you must be excited, how long are you going for, what have you got planned to do, who are you flying with, what's the weather like there at that time of year etc etc"

This is it in a nutshell, it might not be your place, but you don't have to voice an opinion on it, especially if it's negative, a true friend would be happy you're going somewhere you want to, and will be happy for you.

Blueeyedgirl21 · 13/10/2022 13:11

@pictish it’s not wrong to say on here or have those opinions but it’s not really on to say as a response to someone who’s considered a friend and someone you care about when they express joy and excitement over an upcoming trip. If you said you were for example excited to do something, maybe go to a concert , that you’d saved up for and looked forward to for ages, to a friend, and they said ‘that band’s not that good in my opinion, I could go and see a better band for half the price of the tickets you bought’, you’d feel a bit put out wouldn’t you?!

Blueeyedgirl21 · 13/10/2022 13:15

Also it’s different strokes for different folks - my friend has two kids and two step kids all under 10 and she recently went on a holiday to one of those resorts with kids slides, an animation team, kids club etc. It would prob have been her idea of hell 10 years ago and she liked backpacking round Asia etc but now with 4 small kids to entertain with different interests and just wanting a break, it was a great holiday for her and she managed a few cocktails on the beach, read a book etc whilst the kids were safely entertained, and got a cracking tan in the process ! One of our friends who we are really close to but who doesn’t have kids and says she never wants them, was like ‘oh my god how could you stand one of those crappy resorts for two weeks?!’ My friend was like you try taking 4 small kids to a remote farmhouse in northern Spain with no running water (or whatever the friend has recently done as a holiday) guaranteed you would rather be at a resort where they are entertained somewhat!

UnderCoverFieldAgent · 13/10/2022 13:40

She’s not your friend OP. My ex-friend used to do this to me regularly and finally I had enough of it. I know exactly what she’s jealous of but I know she’s on here and it’s pretty distinctive so won’t say it 😂

pictish · 13/10/2022 17:16

Blueeyedgirl21 · 13/10/2022 13:11

@pictish it’s not wrong to say on here or have those opinions but it’s not really on to say as a response to someone who’s considered a friend and someone you care about when they express joy and excitement over an upcoming trip. If you said you were for example excited to do something, maybe go to a concert , that you’d saved up for and looked forward to for ages, to a friend, and they said ‘that band’s not that good in my opinion, I could go and see a better band for half the price of the tickets you bought’, you’d feel a bit put out wouldn’t you?!

I’m an outdoorsy bod and enjoy camping, mountaineering, mountain biking, trail running. You wouldn’t believe how many people are rude and vocal about my holiday/weekend/free time plans…including friends. I don’t care. I’m not offended.

pictish · 13/10/2022 17:24

pictish · 13/10/2022 17:16

I’m an outdoorsy bod and enjoy camping, mountaineering, mountain biking, trail running. You wouldn’t believe how many people are rude and vocal about my holiday/weekend/free time plans…including friends. I don’t care. I’m not offended.

Show quote history

“Sounds like my idea of hell.” is a popular response. I laugh. Traipsing around theme parks to queue in the scorching heat is mine.