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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend dismissive about holiday

214 replies

Gezunteit1 · 12/10/2022 12:01

My partner and I are going on what is a holiday in a lifetime for us, never flown long-haul before and we've saved a lot for this.
I told a friend we were going (her and her husband are on high incomes)
And she just said, "That's nice but really not the sort of place I'd choose, it's somewhere I'd go to take a few pictures but that's it, it's far too fake and artificial (it's not Dubai) .
"Personally I prefer somewhere like X long haul expensive place"
That's good for her, and it doesn't have to be everyone's cup of tea but why the need to say that and try and put a dampener on it?
It's like if a family were going to Blackpool (I know its rep but I like it) i wouldn't go "Oh it's far too tacky and rough there, I prefer the Cotswolds myself"
I'd just keep my mouth shut and let them be happy about it.

OP posts:
Creamcrackersandricecakes · 12/10/2022 14:02

As I always say on these type of threads, having money does not buy you class, taste or manners.
I have a friend who is, to put it bluntly, loaded. Her family's holidays probably come in at around the £10-£20k mark, (not that I'd know for sure, as she would never dream of being so vulgar as to mention what she'd spent). Our holidays on the other hand tend to consist of camping, a few days in France, that sort of thing. When she asks me where we're off to and I reply something like, "a campsite in Dorset", she exclaims how lovely it sounds, whereabouts are we going, what are we going to do when we get there and she wishes us a lovely break. Because she's, you know, not a massive arsehole.

Daisychainsx · 12/10/2022 14:04

J.e.a.l.o.u.s.

Enjoy your holiday, sounds fab! Make sure you send her a hot dog legs pic 😜

YouSirNeighMmmm · 12/10/2022 14:04

ChillysWaterBottle · 12/10/2022 12:05

She jelly

Have a great time!

That is not necessarily true at all.

The only thing that we know for sure is that she says things which are either deliberately hurtful to OP, or which are just down to being tactless and a lack of social skills.

YouSirNeighMmmm · 12/10/2022 14:04

Creamcrackersandricecakes · 12/10/2022 14:02

As I always say on these type of threads, having money does not buy you class, taste or manners.
I have a friend who is, to put it bluntly, loaded. Her family's holidays probably come in at around the £10-£20k mark, (not that I'd know for sure, as she would never dream of being so vulgar as to mention what she'd spent). Our holidays on the other hand tend to consist of camping, a few days in France, that sort of thing. When she asks me where we're off to and I reply something like, "a campsite in Dorset", she exclaims how lovely it sounds, whereabouts are we going, what are we going to do when we get there and she wishes us a lovely break. Because she's, you know, not a massive arsehole.

This. It's not rocket science!

CousinTime · 12/10/2022 14:07

Start saying “did you mean to sound so negative” each time. It’s my new go to phrase ignoring MIL

Fairyliz · 12/10/2022 14:09

Did you read the recent thread about going on a cruise?
Lots of posters were being incredibly sneery about them even though they had never been on one. It appears it’s not just your friend who is a snob.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 12/10/2022 14:09

Gezunteit1 · 12/10/2022 12:04

I remember when a mutual friend of ours went on honeymoon to Gran Canaria, this friend's husband mocked it and said it was a 'tacky' place to go. They just come across as snobby

Snobby sod. I went to a really nice hotel in Gran Canaria, went to the West part of the island (not very touristy as still being developed) and I really liked the place generally.

Yes, Maspalomas and Playa del Ingles are a bit tacky - Maspalomas I liked the beach part of it but you just avoid the tacky parts.

SillySausage81 · 12/10/2022 14:10

Gezunteit1 · 12/10/2022 12:05

I know this friend likes quiet places which is fair enough, but we're going to a massive place which is full of busy and quieter places. She's just assuming it's only the city centre.

You could of course play her at her own game by going "oh dear, dahhling, are you just thinking of the city centre? Haha! How quaint. There's soooo much more to it than that, I'm surprised you've never heard of [name of quieter cultured area]!"

I had a friend make comments like that when I went on honeymoon. She wasn't trying to be smug or unkind, she was just being completely honest, so I couldn't hold it against her, but I just said to her "well, we're going because of x, y and z reasons and we think it'll be really nice." And it was. So then I told her how her expectations of the place had been unfair and how I was glad I didn't listen to her!

TheBeesKnee · 12/10/2022 14:13

Have fun in New York 👀

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 12/10/2022 14:14

Creamcrackersandricecakes · 12/10/2022 14:02

As I always say on these type of threads, having money does not buy you class, taste or manners.
I have a friend who is, to put it bluntly, loaded. Her family's holidays probably come in at around the £10-£20k mark, (not that I'd know for sure, as she would never dream of being so vulgar as to mention what she'd spent). Our holidays on the other hand tend to consist of camping, a few days in France, that sort of thing. When she asks me where we're off to and I reply something like, "a campsite in Dorset", she exclaims how lovely it sounds, whereabouts are we going, what are we going to do when we get there and she wishes us a lovely break. Because she's, you know, not a massive arsehole.

I've got a younger half sister who was forever banging on about her luxury holidays, even when she had kids who also went to private school. Got a bit insufferable after a while as it was her husband's money...

Years later, rather than being a SAHM/W I've found out she's had to go back to work (or chosen to?) but now sells luxury holidays. I suppose she does have knowledge of this though...

Tinkerbell1281 · 12/10/2022 14:14

Vegas?

Blueeyedgirl21 · 12/10/2022 14:16

She’s jealous. Even if you’re skint. I’ve had it with a friend recently. I had a baby, she wants one but they are for various reasons delaying. Everything is ‘I’ve heard those baby classes aren’t that great, I’d go to x baby class if it was me’ or ‘that’s a lovely outfit, are the clothes from Sainsburys ok then? Always assumed they wouldn’t wash well as they’re not very expensive.’ It all seems innocuous but it’s designed to just pick at you.

GlitterB0mb · 12/10/2022 14:19

She's judgemental and potentially a snob. I doubt it's jealously. You don't need friends in your life that put you down. If a friend of mine was going somewhere they wanted to go is be happy for them, even if it's a place I wouldn't be caught dead in. That's what friends do.

steff13 · 12/10/2022 14:27

TeenDivided · 12/10/2022 12:05

Have fun at Disney Grin

My guess was Las Vegas.

MurderAtTheBeautyPageant · 12/10/2022 14:32

Fairyliz · 12/10/2022 14:09

Did you read the recent thread about going on a cruise?
Lots of posters were being incredibly sneery about them even though they had never been on one. It appears it’s not just your friend who is a snob.

Big difference between saying 'oh I wouldn't fancy that' on a MN thread about cruises and saying 'oh I wouldn't fancy that' when your pal Sophie excitedly tells you about her plans to go on a cruise that you know she's been saving for for aeons.

lizzielizard · 12/10/2022 14:33

Why on earth are you friends with her? She sounds hideous!

NCFT0922 · 12/10/2022 14:33

@Blueeyedgirl21 it’s a shame you’re taking her recomending a certain baby class as jealousy. Nothing you’ve written suggests she is jealous.

Workawayxx · 12/10/2022 14:35

She doesn't sound very nice and nor does her husband. I'd just ignore and have a few phrases up your sleeve like "well, we all like different things, don't we?!" or "it's a good job we all have different preferences!" and "well, we're excited anyway!" said with a smile. My guess is she likes you to be the downtrodden one compared to their high-flying successful life. A nice holiday raises you up a little so she feels the need to put it down. I'd be limiting contact a bit - as you get promotions/house/wedding etc, I'd expect more little put downs from her.

Musti · 12/10/2022 14:37

Just ignore her! I don’t like many of the types of holidays my friends seem to enjoy but I’m happy for them. As long as they enjoy it that’s all that matters

2pinkginsplease · 12/10/2022 14:43

I had an ex friend who used to make snidey comments about things I did.

Notice I said ex friend.

Looking back at memories on Facebook at some of her comments and I'm surprised I put up with it for so long.

I put it down to jealousy. I was happily married, with children and only worked part time whereas she had a shitty marriage and had to work full time.

mindutopia · 12/10/2022 14:47

Ah yes, I know someone exactly like this. In my case, this person is actually deeply unhappy and insecure, with big questions about her life and relationship that bubble under the surface, but are never ever spoken of. The constant minimisation of other people's joy is very microaggressive ways is how she copes with the hole inside. Most people would never know it though. Is your friend also the sort who posts all sorts of #blessed stuff on social media and who tries hard to perform a life that's always happy and perfect and beautiful?

Shiningstarr · 12/10/2022 14:47

Your friend sounds like she has to be superior.

That's not a friend. I'd ghost get pronto.

Have a great time in Vegas.

BigBagOfPasta · 12/10/2022 14:48

NCFT0922 · 12/10/2022 14:33

@Blueeyedgirl21 it’s a shame you’re taking her recomending a certain baby class as jealousy. Nothing you’ve written suggests she is jealous.

Lol, are you the friend?

notanothertakeaway · 12/10/2022 14:54

On MN, I'm often surprised how many people have "friends" who put them down, take them for granted etc

blacksax · 12/10/2022 14:55

Let's face it, some people just like to piss on your chips, and it seems that she is one of those.

I'd be reconsidering whether or not you want this sort of person as a friend any more.