Would you do this, if you could?

[Am1beingUnreasonable]

Indulge me if you will! Bit of a hypothetical question but really interested to hear your views. Long winded but bear with me!

Imagine you’re in a long term relationship, or married, say 10+ years. You have children with this person, for arguments sake say 2-3 all between the ages of 1 year and 8 years.

The opportunity arises for you to live in two separate households. Around a 30 minute drive between properties.

In this scenario the set up would be similar to this:

Monday-Friday the children are with you in your home. You take on all parenting and run your household as you wish. The property is entirely your own to do with as you like. Partner may come over 1-2 times per week for family dinner or to stay the odd night. During this time your partner is working from their own home. They have their home decorated / set up as the like it as do you.

Friday afternoon - Sunday afternoon, you either all stay together in one household, you going there or them staying with you OR the other partner takes all the children to their house and has a weekend with them. You get to be in your own home on your own if you wish!

In this scenario, you’re happy in your relationship, no issues or arguments and you get on very well.

Just for clarity, it is as if you have a home each, both set up entirely as you would like it, your own decor/rules. If either stays at the others home they take a weekend bag with clothes and what they need, you don’t have duplicates of all you need long-term in each others home.

Soooo would you enjoy this kind of set up? Or would it be a non starter?

Oh sorry,

YABU - this wouldn’t work at all

YANBU - it’s the god damn dream!

Not a chance. I couldn't be doing with carting my and the kids stuff backwards and forwards every other weekend for a start.

What if you had pets, what would happen to those?

How would finances work here?

Do you both work full time and support yourselves and children

Or is this a benefits scam?

Yes in theory (I love living alone) but in reality it would be very expensive and probably chaotic.

No.

Because then I'd be responsible for the kids at least 5 days a week? With shared care at weekends?

Fuck that

2 separate households would only work if he had the kids half the week too.

Are you that incompatible?

Utterly selfish on the kids. They don't need to be carted between two houses as if they have divorced parents. Which one of you or your dp thinks this is a bright idea.

No, I wouldn’t do this and it wouldn’t work in my relationship.

I enjoy living with and sharing a home with my husband. Shocking.

I'm not sure the kids would like it.
But assuming the children were very happy with it and we could financially support two households and weren't making the decision knowing we would then apply for benefits to make ends meet then actually I would seriously consider it. I like my own space.
I wouldn't want a 5/2 split though. I'd want equal time with the children.

No, if I didn't have kids I'd be open to it but not fair on them (or me - I'd never get a break)

You would be a single parent, who sleeps with the ex occasionally. And how would it work financially? Does the barely weekend parent pay maintenance?

Sounds like divorce.

It sounds like a shit situation for the woman. He gets to swan in like he's at a hotel, get fed, and sex then go home.
She gets the honour of taking care of all the kids full time, plus working full, plus all the household duties, shopping, cookie, school drop off and activities.

Who is going to clean up his house?
Is he going to expect the woman to do that when she over there "visiting"?
Does she have to shop and cook for him there at his home too?

Whilst we have children I wouldn't do this, but once they've flown the nest I'm hoping to do this. It's referred to as Living Apart Together. I think there would be far fewer divorces if people had this setup. Who said it's only supposed to be a person and their partner and two kids in one household? The nuclear family doesn't really seem to work

I couldn't be bothered with all the packing and unpacking.

I appreciate they are now divorced, but I like the Helena Bonham Carter/ Tim Burton set up of buying a 3 house terrace. I'll have the house on the left, he has the house on the right, the family home is the mid terrace and it's all knocked through so there are doors upstairs and downstairs between the houses!

Everyone gets their own space, it's kinda like one big house and the kids move freely and stay in the left or right house overnight and we all come together for dinner in the middle!

Don’t imagine the kids would be overly happy about it.

Wouldn't the parent who doesn't see the kids in the week not mind?!

Yes, it sounds like one 🤔
Op, can you afford to run two households? Are the properties owned or rented?

I expect to see this in the DM 🙄

No, I wouldn’t like it at all. I wouldn’t like being on my own with kids Mon-Fr and I would miss my partner. I don’t think kids will like it either, my DD certainly won’t.
I think it works when you have kids from the previous relationship and a new partner.

I would love this if there were no kids in the mix. With kids - what do I have to gain? I'm basically single parenting all week and may or may not get some free time at the weekend.

Kids can cope with 2 homes if there is separation involved but this sounds like it could screw them up.

I’d like it if these households were next door to each other. No compromising on the decor would be nice.

No...I like my partner? Also to me that isn't what family life looks like, it's not working together with someone to build a future. I'd feel I might as well be divorced.