Bizarre incident on train...

[Redqueenheart]

I had a rather unpleasant experience on my way home today on the London tube and I wonder how other people would have reacted.

I was sitting in a tube carriage and looking at images and videos I had taken from an art exhibition I visited earlier. Was really tired and just wanted to mine my own business.

A man comes in and seats next to me, fidgeting and getting a bit too close for comfort. I ignore him.

He then asks me ''What is that?''. I realise he is now looking at my phone and expects me to tell him what the picture I am looking at is.

I snap back ''That is my phone and there is something called privacy''.

To my surprise two young women who were sitting on the other said of me get involved and say ''that was rude, he was only asking you a question''.

At that point I had enough and said something in the line of ''My pictures are private and none of your business'' and moved to a different seat on the other side of the train. Heard the girls snigger but there was no more interaction after that.

I really don't get why on earth the guy thought it was OK to barge into my space and then start staring at my phone and demand my attention and why these two women actually thought it appropriate to defend him...

Afterwards I did ask myself if this was an attempt to distract me while one them would try to get something from my bag but even as it stands I was absolutely furious about these people's behaviour.

I am quite curious to hear how other people would have reacted.

I think what you said was fine! and it's also fine to move.

I once attempted to stop a huge man from holding some poor girls arm, and he did but grabbed mine instead. That was weird.

The only encounters like this that I regret are the ones where I’ve engaged and been friendly despite feeling totally uncomfortable. You did nothing wrong.

Good for you!

I do think you have a point about your Pictures being private. But I wouldn't speak to anyone like that it sounds rude and uncalled for. I don't want to bring out the old 'neuro diverse', but maybe he was. I am also extremely careful about my personal safety and even if I was annoyed about being asked I would play it cool and make a casual neutral remark and then get off at the next stop if I felt uncomfortable.

You did nothing absolutely wrong, he had no right to invade your personal space and to look at your phone. Bloody creep.

Yup he was totally creepy - really not ok!
as for the women sat opposite - honestly sometimes I give up! WTF is wrong with them to defend his behaviour? They’re probably just brainwashed into being nice polite girls 🤢

I probably would have just said they were pictures from an exhibition . I’m quite friendly towards strangers though. Perhaps the girls picked up more from the man than you did as they were opposite him.

I’d have been a lot ruder. I’d have told them all to mind their own business.

YANBU

I could see a situation in which something bright or unusual caught my eye on a phone and I wanted to know what it was. If he wasn’t with the girls I doubt it was a scan. I think it’s fine to not want to talk to strangers but equally there’s no need to be rude

If you deem your pictures private, don't look at them in a public place.

It was an opening gambit and unwanted attention. If OP hadn't been looking at pictures it would have been something else.

If fact don't go out in public. Don't own a phone. Don't ever potentially upset a man. Don't really exist.

I would have simply said 'pics from an an exhibition' with a look to make it clear I wasn't interested in chatting.

I was born and have grown up in London but I don't see someone attempting chit chat as deserving of the outrage and snarky response you gave.

Your reaction was fine.

The girls were out of order, too.

Ok to say ‘It’s private’ but ‘there’s such a thing as privacy’ is horrible.

So anyone can join in reading your book/paper? Everything should be a group activity?

A book is quite different to an easy to view photo.

I don't regard either of those private but I turn the pages when I am ready. I don't wait for sluggerbeds.

I admire your assertiveness. It is fine to look at your own photo's in a public place and you renunder no obligation to tell him what they are. In the same way it has always been rude to read over someone's shoulder it is rude to look at their phone over their shoulder.

Yes, just sit there staring at the floor so you don’t risk upsetting a man.

Fucks sake.

I was born and raised in London and still live here, and I think you were rude. If you didn't want to talk, you could have said so.

I would have probably said something similar op.

I like your style.

Funny how he didn't ask any of the men in the carriage isn't it?

I would have moved without the rude snappy comment. Disengage and walk off, he could have been aggressive.

I agree. I spent many years commuting by train and have had far too many experiences of men who have decided that any woman they choose owes them attention. In my younger days I put up with feeling uncomfortable for fear of people around me thinking I was rude if I didn't reply/moved seats etc. On many occasions what started as 'just a chat' became inappropriate comments/questions and once a man who was 'just being friendly' decided to follow me (in the dark) to my car when I got off the train and tried to get in. It pisses me off that women are expected to 'be kind', give any man who wants to speak to her the benefit of the doubt etc etc but it's very rare for anyone witnessing this sort of behaviour to ever call the man out on it. It's also amazing how these men who 'just want to chat' only ever seem to want to chat to women.

I'm sure some people will say perhaps the man was lonely, perhaps he just wanted to chat etc etc but he could easily have chosen a man to chat to.