Bizarre incident on train...

[Redqueenheart]

I had a rather unpleasant experience on my way home today on the London tube and I wonder how other people would have reacted.

I was sitting in a tube carriage and looking at images and videos I had taken from an art exhibition I visited earlier. Was really tired and just wanted to mine my own business.

A man comes in and seats next to me, fidgeting and getting a bit too close for comfort. I ignore him.

He then asks me ''What is that?''. I realise he is now looking at my phone and expects me to tell him what the picture I am looking at is.

I snap back ''That is my phone and there is something called privacy''.

To my surprise two young women who were sitting on the other said of me get involved and say ''that was rude, he was only asking you a question''.

At that point I had enough and said something in the line of ''My pictures are private and none of your business'' and moved to a different seat on the other side of the train. Heard the girls snigger but there was no more interaction after that.

I really don't get why on earth the guy thought it was OK to barge into my space and then start staring at my phone and demand my attention and why these two women actually thought it appropriate to defend him...

Afterwards I did ask myself if this was an attempt to distract me while one them would try to get something from my bag but even as it stands I was absolutely furious about these people's behaviour.

I am quite curious to hear how other people would have reacted.

I think you were unnecessarily rude. Life is a lot better if we’re all a bit more polite to each other and don’t always assume everyone is acting in bad faith. And don’t sit down next time, you’ll have more luck stopping others staring at your phone if you stand up.

Is it possible he was on the autistic spectrum? It's just I came across someone similar recently on a train who was, it is possible to be both extroverted and autistic. But you're not unreasonable to want to be left in peace, you should be able to say you don't feel like talking and be left alone.

I have had some really shitty experiences on the tube over the years. People are often just arseholes.

i had a guy read my note pad as I was jotting some stuff down for work, I wrote “I can see you reading this dick face” and he stopped. I’ve had men take pics of my cleavage, refuse to shut their legs so I could sit down, what I think was a pregnancy fetish man come to my “aid”, been picked up and carried by some other men on to the train so I could squeeze in when it was rammed (this was actually helpful).

Basically do not assume what happens down there is accountable to any reasonable logic.

Good for you, I’ve said similar. Not going to make myself feel uncomfortable to spare someone else some minor embarrassment. I’d have moved, where’s the solidarity from those other women??!

You can be assertive without being rude and you were definitely rude.

If the guy really feels the need to start asking questions to lone women in public places, then he needs to learn this often won’t end well for him. That’s just life.

You were 100% reasonable OP.

I would have felt very vulnerable if i had been in your position (and I have been in similar) and I think the more we react like you did the better.

He wouldn’t have done it to a man. Entitled prick.

"Oh, just an exhibition I've been to" Then I'd shut down my phone and move seats at the next station.

Without knowing anything about the guy I wouldn't be excessively rude. He could just be super friendly and interested in art, he could have a social and communication disorder, or he could be a plain creep. Without knowing which I'd just bring the interaction to an end in a calm and reasonably civilised way.

It's extremely rude to look at another person's phone over their shoulder and even ruder to display your poor manners by asking what you're looking at!

But yeah, OP is the rude one for pointing out that there's such a thing as privacy.

FFS.

Pick pocketing on the tube is rife at the moment. You need to be very careful. I would be suspicious too.

Hands up. Who has watched the Inside Man?

Janice kept making a bunch of questionable decisions didn't she? Why did she admit to seeing what was on the computer rather than just going straight to the police?

I’m a Londoner too. I would have done the above.

Instead you inflamed the situation which is the most dangerous thing to do with someone who you don’t know. So from a safety perspective it was unwise.

From a manners perspective it was just plain rude and uncalled for.

What he said was utterly innocuous and reasonable. Your reaction was hostile and disproportionate.

This reminded me of when I opened a text from my fiance on the bus thinking nothing of it and he had sent me a full posed nude lol

The problem with all the 'polite' responses suggested is that they open the door to further conversation: 'where was the exhibition?' 'what was it about?' etc. It's really easy to get increasingly sucked into a conversation that makes you feel uncomfortable. I might have just completely ignored him, but that's not any politer. What he did was rude - yes, we can all see each other's screens on the tube but it's rude to comment - and you didn't owe him a conversation.

If I’m being 100% honest. I’d have probably ignored him and made it look like I didn’t/couldn’t hear him.

I’m Northern and it’s considered “normal” to strike up a conversation and be friendly to complete strangers, especially on public transport. I don’t like it. I’m an introvert. I hate small talk, it’s just too awkward. You also run the risk of being nice to a random man and it giving them the sense that it’s an open invitation to sexual harassment.

You were rude.

It's quite possible to give someone the message without being rude.

If you'd said' Just photos from an exhibition' that would have been fine.

Bloody London eh? Someone asks a question and the other person gets rude and huffy.

Would you have reacted the same way in a cafe if someone had sat at your table and spoken to you?

Men are never rude when they don’t respect womens boundaries

Women are always rude when they tell men to respect their boundaries

I would bet an enormous sum of money he has never asked about the pictures of six foot male rugby player

but this thread shows how much some women don’t understand what they’re been told is being polite is actually it is your job to accommodate and entertain other people (mostly men)

From a manners perspective it was just plain rude and uncalled for

Yes - it was incredibly rude of the man to look at someone else’s phone.

where were HIS manners? Or is it just us women that must make sure we are poised and biddable at all times?

''@confused162
I do think you have a point about your Pictures being private. But I wouldn't speak to anyone like that it sounds rude and uncalled for.''

I actually find this type of comment hard to understand.

Why should I need to provide a man, who has already made me feel uncomfortable by invading my space beyond what is normal when you seat next to someone on a train , with any kind of further attention? or worry about his feelings?

Creepy men are not owed any attention from women as far as I am concerned....

@Benjispruce4
''Ok to say ‘It’s private’ but ‘there’s such a thing as privacy’ is horrible.''

Because you think a random man invading my space and demanding my attention is not ''horrible''? It is to me...

YANBU. As PP has said politeness is just a red flag to a bull. I've spent so many hours 'courteously' trying to get rid of men on public transport. They are thick skinned. These kind of intrusive men don't take no for an answer.

Public transport isn't private, especially when you sit so closely to other people.
I think you were very rude in your response. You could have just said 'oh just an art exhibition', closed your phone down, moved seats at the next stop. If he'd continued, then a sterner response may have been warranted.

To those saying OP was more in the wrong for rudeness - if the man in this story was making a Mumsnet thread "AIBU to have looked at a stranger's phone on the tube?" would you really be replying "YANBU, that woman sounds like the rude one." ??

You need to lighten up.

I’m Northern and it’s considered “normal” to strike up a conversation and be friendly to complete strangers, especially on public transport.

^^ This.

I'm northern and have heard people's entire life stories while waiting for a bus or on a train journey.

The other person might be incredibly lonely and the only conversation they get all day.

Is it really too awful to humour them for a while, without making it look as if you are rejecting a perceived sexual advance?

Exactly. Pretty damn rude. There's a difference. You definitely sounded worse.