Bizarre incident on train...

[Redqueenheart]

I had a rather unpleasant experience on my way home today on the London tube and I wonder how other people would have reacted.

I was sitting in a tube carriage and looking at images and videos I had taken from an art exhibition I visited earlier. Was really tired and just wanted to mine my own business.

A man comes in and seats next to me, fidgeting and getting a bit too close for comfort. I ignore him.

He then asks me ''What is that?''. I realise he is now looking at my phone and expects me to tell him what the picture I am looking at is.

I snap back ''That is my phone and there is something called privacy''.

To my surprise two young women who were sitting on the other said of me get involved and say ''that was rude, he was only asking you a question''.

At that point I had enough and said something in the line of ''My pictures are private and none of your business'' and moved to a different seat on the other side of the train. Heard the girls snigger but there was no more interaction after that.

I really don't get why on earth the guy thought it was OK to barge into my space and then start staring at my phone and demand my attention and why these two women actually thought it appropriate to defend him...

Afterwards I did ask myself if this was an attempt to distract me while one them would try to get something from my bag but even as it stands I was absolutely furious about these people's behaviour.

I am quite curious to hear how other people would have reacted.

He was rude. You were rude. The two young women were rude.

Can't believe so many people are saying they love your response. You could have said it in a much more polite way. Why be so angry? I think you were over the top and unpleasant, sorry OP.

I also grew up in London...a long time ago and it was much friendlier then. Someone commenting on something you were looking at would usually be met with a smile and explanation. I dont think its creepy. I dont think its hugely unusual. Live in Italy or Spain and people do actually speak to eachother on public transport. this weird thing about not speaking to anyone or making eye contact, I find rather sad. A city full of people who wont communicate.

If you are viewing anything in close proximity to other people, whether that's a book, magazine or phone etc. then it's not going to be private is it? If you want what's on phone to remain private then you need to make sure others can't see it. You could have just given a short reply which indicated you were not up for chatting, rather than be so rude.

You don't think commenting on someone's photo (or anything else on their phone) is rude and very weird? How strange.

Good for you OP. I would have said and done exactly the same and have done similar in the past, when someone started reading my book aloud over my shoulder. Think no more of it. I hope you enjoyed the art exhibition.

This.

I think you were rude. Probably someone just trying to engage in a conversation. Sad that a lot of people are loving what you said. Glad the two younger ladies called you out on it. Your post says he was demanding your attention, I think you need to get over yourself.

Oh come on. The OP has every right to say what was said. If you look over someone’s shoulder at their phone you are being rude. I’d you go so far as to comment at what you’re looking at then you’re being damned rude.

I find it odd that so many women (I assume it is mainly women commenting) seem to miss a very important part of this: the man did not just seat himself down next to me like a regular passenger would, he was getting way too close with a bad case of manspreading. This man was already creeping me out because of this before he even started peering at my phone.

I have used the tube for 20 years so I know when something is not right...

It is quite amazing as to how many people seem more concerned about whether I was being polite enough to a creep or not than supporting someone who call them out on their dodgy behaviour.

Well excuse me for not being a doormat...

No need to be rude. He was probably just being friendly.

You’re response was pretty moderate, given he imposed upon you. Classic male power play

He was rude to ask but I would have just put my phone away and/or moved.
You were rude and could have just ignored him.

This. And anyone who thinks this man would have behaved like this to another man is deluded.

user name @CrabbitBastard digging someone up on manners? How bizarre
did ye,aye?

I think your response was on the rude side, and I think that’s exactly what the situation called for. He was crossing obvious and well established cultural norms by looking at your phone and then asking you about it. Being on the rude side makes it clear not only that you aren’t going to play that game, but that you are calling him out on it.

If more women were rude like this to men who do this, fewer of them would do it.

Good for you telling him where to go. He was extremely rude to start quizzing you.

To be fair OP, you're quite snarky on here too.

To repeat a previous poster, it's entirely possible to be assertive without being rude. And I think that in general that's a good attribute for either sex to have. I don't think matching rudeness with rudeness is anything to celebrate.

And there's a very long distance between assertively shutting a conversation down without rudeness, and "being a doormat".

WTF totally stupid comment

Look the creepy git did not approach any man asking to see their phone
Creepy man did chose another man for interaction and allegedly innocuous chat
He chose a woman because he correctely predicted he’d get away with it,the faux oh what dud I say?what did I do? Using the She’s so rude to deflect from his inappropriate behaviour

There is a difference between “not being a doormat” and being rude, aggressive and angry.

You need to learn to be assertive. Currently you’re just rude and pretending you’re being assertive.

Yup funny how all these men manage to not be odd or quirky to men isn't it?

I think you could have handled it with more neutrality. The way you phrased it does sound rude beyond assertive.

@Zone2NorthLondon someone who clearly has no understanding of Scottish terminology and uses it wrongly is not only demonstrating bad manners themselves but also and embarrassing themselves on a public forum.

Long prior experience of London - the tube and railway stations in particular - has made me leery of strangers fast. As my work takes me there I'm usually a lone female, and lone females attract unwanted males in that place to the extent that I now don't even make eye contact with anyone. I'm also finding trains in general an increasing problem. I would like to travel, read or work and be left alone. It's not a great deal to ask.

In OP's position I would not have engaged under any pretext, and I refuse to be drawn into any conversation that makes me uncomfortable. Non-verbal communication and the wearing of earphones usually does the trick, but some are frighteningly persistent. On one occasion I politely but firmly told a particularly hard-to-get-rid-of male 'I don't want a conversation thank you'. Just those words and no more. But if you want 'rude', this guy's response covered it amply (sexist pejoratives but of course) and OP doesn't even come close.

OP, YANBU.