Bizarre incident on train...

[Redqueenheart]

I had a rather unpleasant experience on my way home today on the London tube and I wonder how other people would have reacted.

I was sitting in a tube carriage and looking at images and videos I had taken from an art exhibition I visited earlier. Was really tired and just wanted to mine my own business.

A man comes in and seats next to me, fidgeting and getting a bit too close for comfort. I ignore him.

He then asks me ''What is that?''. I realise he is now looking at my phone and expects me to tell him what the picture I am looking at is.

I snap back ''That is my phone and there is something called privacy''.

To my surprise two young women who were sitting on the other said of me get involved and say ''that was rude, he was only asking you a question''.

At that point I had enough and said something in the line of ''My pictures are private and none of your business'' and moved to a different seat on the other side of the train. Heard the girls snigger but there was no more interaction after that.

I really don't get why on earth the guy thought it was OK to barge into my space and then start staring at my phone and demand my attention and why these two women actually thought it appropriate to defend him...

Afterwards I did ask myself if this was an attempt to distract me while one them would try to get something from my bag but even as it stands I was absolutely furious about these people's behaviour.

I am quite curious to hear how other people would have reacted.

Men are never rude when they don’t respect womens boundaries

Oh FGS

I'm all for 'boundaries' (MN fave word) but some people need to take their heads out of their bums.

It's a tube journey. Give a short answer, ignore, move to another carriage if they become too chatty and a pest.

You done the right thing. What a bloody cheek he had.

You did nothing wrong. So annoying when people want to chat and you just want to be in your zone.

Well sorry but I think you sound paranoid and I think you were rude.

In your situation I would have answered his question. If I didn’t want to chat I would have followed up with “I’m not in the mood for chatting though sorry, hope you’re not offended, it’s not personal.”

At that point, if he didn’t respect my wishes I would move.

Love all these PPs who, when being pestered while distracted by a strange man on a packed tube, would politely decline with an articulate yet businesslike response.

Sure you would.

Have to agree with the northern comments here! Upon reading this I didn’t find it strange or odd, if anything I would probably have turned my phone to them and showed them more photos of the exhibition and chatted to them about it if somebody showed an interest and I think that wouldn’t be viewed as strange up north at all.

BUT I would say that it is contextual, and if I got creepy vibes from a man and felt unsafe you’re not unreasonable to shut him down at all.

''@JulietDorney
You were rude.

It's quite possible to give someone the message without being rude.

If you'd said' Just photos from an exhibition' that would have been fine.

Bloody London eh? Someone asks a question and the other person gets rude and huffy.

Would you have reacted the same way in a cafe if someone had sat at your table and spoken to you?''

This is not about ''someone asking me a question'' though is it?

It is about a man making unwanted contact with a woman, first by physically invading her space which made me very uncomfortable and following that up with further unwanted behaviour.

Hardly someone stopping to ask for direction or whether I could

Headphones are your friend when travelling alone on the tube but only during busy hours not when its empty.

I had a colleague who would look at my phone and ask what I was doing all the time, REALLY fucking annoying.

People saying OP was rude have clearly never experienced the absolutely creepy and disgusting behaviour of some men on the London Underground. Better safe than sorry OP, and he had no right to look at your phone or ask you about what was on it.

Sounds a bit rude. A bloke round the corner from us always does things like that. He’s got ld and also schizophrenia I think. People always say horrible things to him too but he’s just trying to be friendly in his own way.

pass them the salt..

Do you really allow random men to just seat next to you close enough to touch you and then look at your phone? because I certainly don't

(sorry half of my previous message did not upload)

I’m incredibly surprised that the girls said anything. Not talking to strangers is normal on the tube.

I live in Scotland and 99% of folk chatting on public transport are just normal (but chatty) people. Some might be a bit odd, a bit lonely and lacking social cues maybe, but honestly folk just chat about anything and everything.

So no, I wouldn't respond the way you did, I wouldn't want to, and if I genuinely thought he had nefarious purposes I'd remove myself from the situation rather than bite his head off.

I wouldn't be absolutely and utterly furious about someone looking at my phone though, if I'm scrolling through it on a busy tube.

In short, I can't really relate to any of your post at all.

He was wrong to look at your phone, but you were weirdly aggressive about it. If you don’t want to talk, just say so.

I can't believe what I'm reading here!

It is UTTERLY rude to peer at someone's phone over their shoulder, even more so if it's a stranger! Yet it's the OP that's rude?

And she should turn her phone off?

Wait to switch seats at the next station?

Get OFF at the next station (not her stop) if she was uncomfortable??

Because she shouldn't offend the rude stranger??

And I'm northern and speak to lots of people when out, I just don't invade their privacy or make them feel uncomfortable.

I get the safety aspect but yet again, women being blamed for the fact a man might attack them as if she's a silly girl with no common sense to know if she's in danger, but also being told to stay sitting next to him and be friendly otherwise it's rude of HER?

Piss off.

I think it was really rude of him to look at your phone but I have to admit that op suggested someone with a mild LD or similar.

I would probably have given a very short reply, put my phone away and changed carriages when approaching the next station.

It's all very subjective though isn't it?

Why did the girls in the carriage laugh at you?

Maybe they thought you were the one out of order.

Talking of invading your space etc. Without being there, it's hard to visualise. Was he so close his legs touched yours?

The point is- which you are missing- is that t's possible to give men the brush off without coming over as a bit of a headcase.

Clearly, you are taking this to heart by calling it 'bizarre' and coming to a forum to ask for comments.

That makes me think you doubted your response.

I think you were both as bad as each other.

He was being a bit nosy, but not threatening from what you said. Maybe he lacks social skills and doesn't understand a woman may feel uneasy.

You over-reacted and behaved as if he was doing something awful rather than perhaps just passing the time.

Do you travel on the tube much?

For anyone who thinks that what the OP said was rude but suggested just getting up and moving seats - surely that is even ruder?! If you think this man deserves courtesy, then surely you can't think just walking away from someone trying to start a conversation is less rude than what the OP said.

''@Romeoalpha ·
Well sorry but I think you sound paranoid and I think you were rude.''

I am paranoid because I don't want a man who is acting strangely and coming way too close to engage me further in conversation and look at my phone?

OK...

This thread is quite fascinating.

I absolutely don't regret doing what I did by the way.

I was at a and e for a fracture. I was in the waiting room with everyone else waiting for my name to be called. A bloke came in after me but was wired. About 10 minutes later he ask me to let the staff know he had gone for a smoke. I said ok then, off you pop. He disappeared off, his name was not called, but when he came back he tried to talk to me. I told him to not talk to me and he just had a bewildered expression. The woman sat next to me gave me a look and started up conversation with him. I moved to a different seat.
I ended up being the bad guy but I just wanted my bloody fracture sorting, i was in pain and unwilling to talk to a total stranger. I'm not everyone's mother, it's not my job to entertain randoms in a and e.

Btw this was months ago and I'm still pissed off at both of them. Him for trying to make me entertain him and her for being such a pushover. She was obviously being kind, but why.
Anyways cathartic writing all that out, maybe I'll be able to forget it now.

Men who really want to bother you though will tap your shoulder, wave in your face, take the headphones off your head. Fuckers.

I think if you were so rude other people are commenting on it then you probably were very fucking rude indeed.

I come from an alternate version of London where people do occasionally talk to strangers without it being seen as an affront to human dignity. We have a tube system too but it sounds a bit nicer than yours.

Why are women always pulled up on being rude as if it’s really heinous
we are socialised to be nice don’t be rude. Expected to be nice. Nice = passive
look the op can and should To protect her own space & privacy. She’s down nothing wrong