Bizarre incident on train...

[Redqueenheart]

I had a rather unpleasant experience on my way home today on the London tube and I wonder how other people would have reacted.

I was sitting in a tube carriage and looking at images and videos I had taken from an art exhibition I visited earlier. Was really tired and just wanted to mine my own business.

A man comes in and seats next to me, fidgeting and getting a bit too close for comfort. I ignore him.

He then asks me ''What is that?''. I realise he is now looking at my phone and expects me to tell him what the picture I am looking at is.

I snap back ''That is my phone and there is something called privacy''.

To my surprise two young women who were sitting on the other said of me get involved and say ''that was rude, he was only asking you a question''.

At that point I had enough and said something in the line of ''My pictures are private and none of your business'' and moved to a different seat on the other side of the train. Heard the girls snigger but there was no more interaction after that.

I really don't get why on earth the guy thought it was OK to barge into my space and then start staring at my phone and demand my attention and why these two women actually thought it appropriate to defend him...

Afterwards I did ask myself if this was an attempt to distract me while one them would try to get something from my bag but even as it stands I was absolutely furious about these people's behaviour.

I am quite curious to hear how other people would have reacted.

He was probably from outside London and was very brave even trying to have a conversation. I have to say I find London a very unfriendly place to visit, and have been there enough times to know not to speak to anyone unless I need to. He’s clearly a newbie to your city.

Depends what kind of people were commenting. We can't take those girls' words as gospel really, can we?

Yes they could have been in it together for a distraction crime. Or just idiots

The only circumstances where I could find the man’s behaviour acceptable: you said you were looking at videos. Was the audio being played without headphones? If so, perhaps he was making a point that you were being rude and unsociable.

If not, ignore and he was just pushing appropriate social boundaries.

It would definitely have made me feel uncomfortable but would probably have ignored and moved away (mainly because I wouldn’t have had the balls to say what you said though!)

Although generally I am a bit edgy anyway - a guy went to talk to me on the tube the other day and I was ready to make a swift change of seats and then he just told me I should turn my engagement ring the other way round when I got off at Canning Town because there’s some not very nice people around 🤦🏽‍♀️ then I felt bad for being quick to judge but you just never know! Lately I’ve discovered a new front of harassment from men in the form of them air dropping dick pics whilst on the tube - only takes opening one to learn your lesson 🤢

This thread is one step away from “He probably didn’t have a phone of his own, you should have given him yours and apologised for your phone privilege”.

You did nothing wrong. We don't owe anyone our time and more often than not, men strike up conversations because they want our number etc

^ That. I'm with the young women opposite who took OP to task.

OP was pointlessly snippy. In a public space of course people can see what's on your phone, whether they want to or not. It may defy convention to start a conversation but there are so many confident civil ways to finish one.

If other female passengers gave you a telling off, that's enough for me to prove you were rude.

Don' t come to a forum asking for opinions if you think yours is the only, and right one.

Again, it depends whether the female passengers were being reasonable or not.

My default response to this type of bullshit rarely lets me down

Random man "Dumb assed comment"
Me (surprised) "are you talking to me?"
Random man "Yes"
Me (Genuine confusion) "Why?"
If they actually respond to that (and some fuckers do) then a follow-up from me of "Yeah, please don't talk to me." Does the trick.

I commute on the tube twice a day every day.

Most people are friendly and I have had endless conversations with strangers - men, women, kids - on tubes. They might flag the book I’m reading, the bags I’m carrying, I have had people see the music I’m listening to on my phone etc and comment. Anything visual can be used to begin a light hearted chat and often is.

I have also spoken to a lot of people with noticeable mental health problems on public transport and those who I suspect of criminal undertakings.

I am respectful and polite to everyone.

About a decade ago a man got stabbed to death on my local bus because he asked another person to stop throwing chips at his girlfriend.

You have no idea who you’re dealing with so personally, even if simply from a safety perspective, I would be calm, respectful and polite to everyone.

Also, I like to chat! I enjoy interacting with people on public transport and my positive experiences far outweigh the negatives.

You would ask a question about an image on a stranger's phone? That is very rude, why on earth would you think that was OK?

Mn is obsessed with manners, being rude is the most henious indiscretion on here
never mind he imposed himself upon you or how that made you feel,one must not be rude
you’ve done nothing wrong, it’s a classic male power play. Be inappropriate in a low key social way so that if challenged he can be all faux exasperated and say oh I was only asking…I was only saying…she’s so rude. Use ingrained social misogyny to label the woman as rude, deviant, unhinged.

You were right to trust your instincts op.

your reaction was normal /understandable, but I don’t consider this particularly “bizarre” in the manner of all things I’ve seen and heard on the tubes of London - being born and bred it almost feels like, yeah and?… that’s the tube for you.

I wouldn’t have thought much of it afterwards personally.

I can understand why you reacted like that but it kind of reminds me of the sketch on the mash report ' Northerner speaks to Londoners'. People are instantly suspicious and rude to people. Maybe he was just interested and fancied passing the time of day. I sometimes have people speak to me when I am out and about and unless they are directly rude, I answer them nicely. There are lots of lonely people. They are not all predators. I mean he could have been an arse but then again, he might not.

Your response does sound a bit rude but that's okay - if someone makes unwanted advances, sexual or otherwise, you don't owe them politeness. You certainly don't owe them an explanation of what's on your phone.

I used to be very confrontational too in circumstances like that. Nowadays I tend to just say quite politely, 'I don't want to talk to you.' It usually shuts them up.

It didn’t sound like he was going to attack her at all? It was on a busy tube and he just sounded like he was trying to make conversation?
it is a bit weird to look at someone else’s phone, but if you had stuff you really didn’t want others to look at why would you look at it in a very public place?
to me it points to someone without the normal social queues everyone else has and I think there are less rude ways to say what the op said to them.
it sounds like the only witnesses, the 2 girls, also echo that sentiment.

Good post

If he was reading text messages I don't think as many people would be saying OP was unreasonable. Anything on a personal phone should be private in my opinion.

In a crowded train just interaction to pass the time . Yeah you were rude .

He was being a bit nosy, but not threatening from what you said. Maybe he lacks social skills and doesn't understand a woman may feel uneasy

im autistic and I probably lack the social skills to respond in the measured and polite manner so many of you possess. In fact I’ve been taken advantage by disgusting men because I am not very good at boundary setting and being assertive.

So please remember when you start applying all sorts of mitigating circumstances to the poor men who decide they are going to approach lone women, that the lone women too may have communication problems.

(i’m not suggesting that the OP has such communications issues, but I’m thankful that there are women like her who are able to communicate clearly and without room for confusion)

I wouldn't be bothered by him asking. I spent years commuting and actually occassional conversation with the people you're sat next to wasn't that unusual.

If you didn't want to talk to him fine, but him asking you a question about a picture you were looking at wasn't particularly dreadful in my opinion. I'd class it as much the same as a comment about the weather or asking if the book someone is reading is any good.

There you go OP. If you don't for some bizarre reason want to provide mental health support or conversation to random men all you have to do is wear headphones, move carriages, change seats and have a prepped pre-vetted polite response like a good service human.