Bizarre incident on train...

[Redqueenheart]

I had a rather unpleasant experience on my way home today on the London tube and I wonder how other people would have reacted.

I was sitting in a tube carriage and looking at images and videos I had taken from an art exhibition I visited earlier. Was really tired and just wanted to mine my own business.

A man comes in and seats next to me, fidgeting and getting a bit too close for comfort. I ignore him.

He then asks me ''What is that?''. I realise he is now looking at my phone and expects me to tell him what the picture I am looking at is.

I snap back ''That is my phone and there is something called privacy''.

To my surprise two young women who were sitting on the other said of me get involved and say ''that was rude, he was only asking you a question''.

At that point I had enough and said something in the line of ''My pictures are private and none of your business'' and moved to a different seat on the other side of the train. Heard the girls snigger but there was no more interaction after that.

I really don't get why on earth the guy thought it was OK to barge into my space and then start staring at my phone and demand my attention and why these two women actually thought it appropriate to defend him...

Afterwards I did ask myself if this was an attempt to distract me while one them would try to get something from my bag but even as it stands I was absolutely furious about these people's behaviour.

I am quite curious to hear how other people would have reacted.

In a crowded train just interaction to pass the time .

How often do men try to 'pass the time' in this way with men, do you think?

And why should the OP be responsible for entertaining a complete stranger?

I would’ve told the girl how would you like it if someone sat next to start looking in your phone pictures please shut the fuck up

Asked for the man probably mentally ill in some kind of way I would’ve ignored him and not answered back and said nothing just moved

You were quite snippy. I can understand why as I'd be equally pissed at someone peering at my phone and asking questions, but I think I'd' be too scared for my personal safety to chastise an unknown adult male who has already criss-crossed a few boundaries.

Also, am Scottish and used to strangers chatting the hind legs off a donkey at me on public transport.

I'd have been tempted to say 'sounds like these two want to show you their photos' and direct him their way. Except I wouldn't, because I'd be concerned for their safety despite them being unconcerned about mine

It’s the tube!! There’s no personal space on a tube!
I think you were rude. There’s ways of shutting someone down without talking to them like that. Man or woman!

<rolls eyes>

What a stupid remark.

OP - the only thing that was unreasonable about your behaviour was that you didn't say to the girls "Well, show him your phones, then."

''@JulietDorney ·
If other female passengers gave you a telling off, that's enough for me to prove you were rude.''

Again I will never, ever accept that anyone needs to be polite to a man who is creeping them out.

Thanks everyone for the responses.

And no I was not playing the video with the sound on.

I think there are some very odd comments on this thread. The only reason why the guy could see my pictures was because he purposely was leaning towards me and invading my space.

To me that is totally inappropriate but it is quite fascinating to see how far some people will go to try to justify this type of unwanted behaviour from a man.

No wonder that so many of them still feel entitled to women's time and attention.

I remember Sandi Toksvig telling a story about being on the tube and a man opposite wanting to show her something. She thought he was showing her something he'd bought so put her reading glasses on to have a look. (Mumsnetters would approve of her friendliness) It was his penis.

No.
interactIon is a mutual and collaborative process, it has the participants
He imposed, unasked,and asserted himself upon her.that’s not interaction, it’s male dominance and he probably expected to get away with it
Because he relies upon social stereotypes of being rude,used that to manoeuvre himself into looking like the wronged party
wakey wakey! Women don’t need to pass time with men

Sorry, that isn't what I was meaning. It was to PPs saying from the safety aspect she should have been polite, remained seated or got off at the next stop even if it wasn't hers if she felt uncomfortable as if they felt she may be attacked (someone up thread mentioned a stabbing).

I think he was odd, but I also think you were unnecessarily rude. I'd have just given a bland reply which invited no further comment. If he'd commented further, I'd have given one of those weak non-smiles and ignored him. I don't think I'd have given it any further thought.

It's so different to London than in Liverpool. In Liverpool we just chat to strangers. It's usually a given.

Although he was rude to look at your phone and also to ask what they were in the way he did.

He could have phrased it better along the lines of "sorry I couldn't help notice your pictures, do you mind if I ask what they are of" or something along those lines.

As it was you responded along the same manner he asked so it is what it is.

Obviously he didn't know the tube rules.

Man suits next to woman in the tube - So what? That's normal surely?

Man begins conversation with woman --Must be a northerner who hasn't been schooled on the 'stare straight ahead and for goodness sake don't even acknowledge that anyone else is in the carriage' rule.

I simply don't get the need to be really rude to someone who just had the temerity to begin a conversation because he noticed a picture on someone's phone.
Yes it's not polite to look at someone's phone, but I don't get the need for snark.

I'm from t' North and am used to having conversations with total strangers and being almost on Christmas card terms by the time one of us gets off the bus, but even I would consider this intrusive.

YABU. He was only making conversation.

You were rude and aggressive and there was no need for it. If you didn’t want to chat you should have said so politely.

He was rude, but so were you.

Would have been just as easy to say, "just some private photos" and put your phone away in your bag/pocket.

I don't think there was any need for the snark. And that's not "dick pandering" - I just think there's no need for rudeness.

Some people think commenting on what other people are reading/talking about/looking at in public is fair game. I find it invasive and rude, but then I'm a very private person. The stranger may have not realised it was rude - maybe they've had lots of lovely conversations on the Tube with others who haven't minded. Just look at this thread - lots of comments from people saying they like to chat to strangers on the Tube.

There was nothing wrong with shutting the conversation down but to be so rude, and then to post here proudly for ass pats for telling the nasty man off is just unnecessary.

This. I completely agree you were under no obligation to show him or explain anything but you were certainly rude. However, it sounds like it came from a place of absolute shock at his audacity! I'd just let it go tbh

There you go OP. If you don't for some bizarre reason want to provide mental health support or conversation to random men all you have to do is wear headphones, move carriages, change seats and have a prepped pre-vetted polite response like a good service human

Or, you could just try communicating in a way that doesn't involve one party being spoken to like shit... It can be quite a successful method of communication. You might even enjoy chatting with a stranger.

He was probably just curious and bored. But you're entitled to not want to chat. I hate when people chat To me on the tube

Personally I would have moved away and not said anything. Tubes are the one place I worry about an altercation as there’s nowhere to hide! I’d do anything not to upset someone in this situation and you were overly defensive!

Love your response. You owe him nothing, he needs to mind his own business. Absolutely sick to death of men trying to impose on women who don't want them in their space.

The girl's also immaturely sniggered so I wouldn't use them as proof OP was wrong. I don't like it when strange men impose themselves on me either and for good reason. If he had LD perhaps it's better for him to learn strangers do not take kindly to having their personal space invaded as he may then he do it to a man too and it might not turn out so well.

Too many people here sound 'but not all men'.

Yup, reading this thread it echoes the whole be nice, heavens don’t be rude
The conscious and unconscious be nice, don’t be a bother, be a good (passive) girl

Don’t give it another thought. He won’t be and nor will the two morality police officers opposite. He broke the rules of the tube and of phones tbh and you didn’t owe him your best behaviour when caught off guard and intruded upon.

It was extremely rude of him to ask about photos on your phone, even if he could clearly see he shouldn’t have said anything cos that is admitting to actively looking! .

Yes, as others have pointed out the tube is a public space and often we’re closer to others than we would prefer but that doesn’t make it ok to ask questions to strangers just because we can see over their shoulder / read their book / screen etc.

No one should have to close their phone to avoid “conversation” on public transport.

OP I think your response was fine, hopefully he’ll think twice before trying it again.