Bizarre incident on train...

[Redqueenheart]

I had a rather unpleasant experience on my way home today on the London tube and I wonder how other people would have reacted.

I was sitting in a tube carriage and looking at images and videos I had taken from an art exhibition I visited earlier. Was really tired and just wanted to mine my own business.

A man comes in and seats next to me, fidgeting and getting a bit too close for comfort. I ignore him.

He then asks me ''What is that?''. I realise he is now looking at my phone and expects me to tell him what the picture I am looking at is.

I snap back ''That is my phone and there is something called privacy''.

To my surprise two young women who were sitting on the other said of me get involved and say ''that was rude, he was only asking you a question''.

At that point I had enough and said something in the line of ''My pictures are private and none of your business'' and moved to a different seat on the other side of the train. Heard the girls snigger but there was no more interaction after that.

I really don't get why on earth the guy thought it was OK to barge into my space and then start staring at my phone and demand my attention and why these two women actually thought it appropriate to defend him...

Afterwards I did ask myself if this was an attempt to distract me while one them would try to get something from my bag but even as it stands I was absolutely furious about these people's behaviour.

I am quite curious to hear how other people would have reacted.

Oh, kinell. The blokes have landed.

Because who else would actively encourage women to ignore their innate danger signals and urge them instead to 'just be nice?' What possible motive would anyone have for appearing in droves to tell women off for daring to step outside their box? Who, specifically, stands to benefit from keeping the status quo precisely as it is?

Is it women? Is it fuck.

There are so many wacky people on London transport that I probably would not have answered as you did for fear of poking the bear. Not that there is anything wrong with what you said.

Bizarre incident?

Yes, it is bizarre in this day and age that a stranger should dare to strike up conversation with someone and make polite small talk, rather than stare blankly at their screen. Even more bizarre that a man in this day and age should dare to, heaven forbid, speak to a woman.

Bizarre, but sad it is seen as such :(

@MarieIVanArkleStinks
''Oh, kinell. The blokes have landed.

Because who else would actively encourage women to ignore their innate danger signals and urge them instead to 'just be nice?' What possible motive would anyone have for appearing in droves to tell women off for daring to step outside their box? Who, specifically, stands to benefit from keeping the status quo precisely as it is?

Is it women? Is it fuck.''

This. Absolutely this.

I completely respect people who said they would have fobbed this man off in a different manner or said something different. Everyone deals differently with situations that made them uncomfortable.

But the ones that are literally attacking me because they think I should always be ''nice'' to men even if they make me feel uncomfortable and who are trying to re-write the story ...I also question their motives.

This thread has so many posts that I could not reply to everyone, but I really appreciate genuine people taking the time to give their feedback.

Well said @MarieIVanArkleStinks

I can't believe we're still talking about this 6 days later! Is this really that deep it needed 700 replies?! And I say this as someone on the OP's side (haven't read past like page 10 though).

Can I strongly suggest you never come up north. People actually talk to each other up here and don't presume everyone is a wrong'un.

I'm sure I read that women are more likely to be attacked if they don't look back at the person following them. Based on that, in my mind, I think being 'rude' to a man like this would serve a woman better than answering him. I don't think the be passive in case he kicks off advice would is helpful.

The only thing I agree on from the pp that think OP was rude is that OP should move away as soon as she's uncomfortable. Or, at least, that's y6

Posted too soon...

Or, at least, that's what I wish i did, I wish I didn't put up with any nonsense. As soon as someone chooses a seat next to me when they could have chosen an empty one I wish I would move instead of put up with the discomfort. It's happened to me many times and I always regret not moving straight away.

You must be a bloke, please God no way a woman just told another to smile. Why didn’t you add “she’d be prettier” too?

I wonder if he had a hidden disability? Being direct and not understanding social boundaries can often go along with these conditions.

We should be understanding of people who have hidden disabilities, but that understanding stops when a woman feels or is threatened. Their rights, do not usurp the rights of women to feel and be safe.

Some of these posts are so depressing. I smile when I am feeling good and/or well disposed towards another human being. I certainly don't smile to appease strangers who are annoying me. But that probably makes me a 'miserable cow' in the eyes of some on here.

Question to those on this thread ordering women to smile. Would you say the same thing to a man?

Just a timely reminder to remember to smile on your commute today, ladies, especially to any man sidling up to you. It makes you so much prettier and more polite!

'It might never happen!'

(I'll get me coat ...)

Just a timely reminder to remember to smile on your commute today, ladies,

Actually, give a wild-eyed maniacal grin and start to talking at anyone who ventures remotely near. You'll probably be left alone then...

What!!!!! Manspreading, leaning over, invading space, ....is that now "polite conversation"? Give me strength!!

I think you're right OP.

Who would really feel that invested that they criticise you or other posters in multiple posts insinuating that we're rude, paranoid, unfriendly etc than blokes or handmaidens?

All these friendly northerners that keep popping up after 29 pages to tell us how they'd love to chat to the creepy guy who's invading their space and commenting on their phone. Of course they would. 🙄.

Well said.

I lost count of the number of times when someone would sit next to me in a half empty train, just for me to immediately get up and move, when I was young.

Thanks to books like "the Gift of fear", I have always listened carefully to my gut.

OP, as a result of this thread I have had the conversation again reminding my daughters to NOT ever feel obligated to be polite to anyone invading their space, to get up and move to another space if they feel even the slightest inkling of their space being invaded, to scream loudly to draw attention to any inappropriate behaviour, and finally to never hesitate to tell any man to fxxk off if he is even slightly inappropriate.

My girls are very nicely brought up young women, it's my job to make sure it doesn't get in the way of them making their safety a priority at all times.

This reminds me of an incident that recently happened. We were at a festival in the summer. A nice festival, family friendly - we've been going for years.

My daughters and a friend we're watching one of the main acts on the Friday night. We were in the crowd, but not with them as they are 15 and 17 and we were with my sons and meeting them at a pre-areangwd time.

Inebriated man in his 40s approaches my youngest daughter. He puts his hand on the back of her neck and says 'I know you want it's. My 15 year old freezes. My 17 year old jumps in and yells at him to leave her sister alone and says she's 14 (for dramatic effect). He says, 'I'm 44 - you never know what might happen'. She yells again that her sister is 14. He looks puzzled and says 'Are you calling me a paedo?'. My daughter confirms that, yes, she is. He has been holding on to my other daughter this whole time, she is still frozen. This carries on for a bit before he moves on, but not before grabbing the breast of their friend. My youngest bursts into tears.

This happens in front of many other families and adults. What did they do? Absolutely fucking nothing.

I don't care if my daughters are considered rude, if they challenge someone, or if they move seats. If they feel uncomfortable, they have been taught to do it. Because, and I see evidence of it in this thread, no one will help them or keep them safe, so they have to do it for themselves.

I agree with you, @withaspongeandarustyspanner but particularly at a festival , even more than in other situations, other people are drunk and relaxed and not on high alert for that kind of thing. Plus they may not see it clearly, wonder what on earth it is they just saw etc. And even if they did may not want to get involved due to fear of - all sorts of things really. But it only goes to reinforce your point that we do have to stick up for ourselves.

Can’t believe people are defending the man. He needs to learn that is very unwanted behaviour.

That’s shocking but not surprising, thank god your older daughter was there.

Though I’m sure you’ll get some on here saying he may be neurodiverse, just being friendly, just being boisterous due to the alcohol and relaxed surrounding.,..

Looks like opinion on this thread is as divided on tbe Daily Mail as here - curious, as normally tbe green arrowed readers’ comments express a uniform view

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-11311235/Woman-called-rude-Mumsnet-telling-man-tube-stop-looking-phone.html

Wow! Funny that it's made its way onto the Daily Fail. You couldn't make this stuff up. Or maybe you could.

That's grim as hell! Did you call the police/security or take the guys photo? He should have been arrested.