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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be gobsmacked by this

191 replies

Vodkaany1 · 10/10/2022 23:07

Was walking through our local town tonight and there was a man outside one of the local mini supermarkets who was homeless and asked if I could spare some money, I said sorry, no as I didn't have any cash on me as I rarely carry cash these days. He was stood by the cashpoint outside and said "Maybe you could draw some money out" Being I was on my own and aware of potential distraction theft (fairly large town with fairly high crime rate) I said no, I wasn't prepared to take any money out, so he asked if I could perhaps buy him some food from the mini supermarket and as I'm not completely heartless I said yes that's fine. Went in with him to pick some food and then he asked me if I would buy him a small can of alcohol with mixer - think JD & coke in a can type thing - and a scratch card!! I was utterly gob smacked and my response was to tell him he was taking the piss and I'd buy him some food and a non alcohol drink and that was it or he could have nothing. Honestly couldn't believe it! AIBU to be shocked by the sheer cfery of him? It's really put me off helping anyone else in future

OP posts:
youhadmeatsausageroll · 10/10/2022 23:11

What a CF - I would have been gobsmacked too

HailAdrian · 10/10/2022 23:13

I suppose if you have nothing to lose 🤷‍♀️

bloodywhitecat · 10/10/2022 23:15

Cheeky but I guess the scratch card gives him a fleeting glimpse of hope.

WeepingSomnambulist · 10/10/2022 23:17

Meh. the cans of pre-mixed drinks really sont cost all that much more than bottles of juice now. You dont get if you dont ask. He was already in for a penny so why not try it on.

Alcoholism, gambling, drugs... all mixed in around homelessness. Of course he asked.

You didnt enable. You bought him food. He has problems and I dont think cheeky fuck is the right term here. Well done for buying him food and not buying other junk. You did a good thing.

AmadeusBreathingWater · 10/10/2022 23:18

you’re right, he should have kissed your feet for offering to buy him a sandwich

🙄

Notimeforaname · 10/10/2022 23:19

If I were him, I'd probably have tried my luck too.

BitOutOfPractice · 10/10/2022 23:20

I tell you what, if I had to sleep out tonight I’d take a drink if I could.

Whataretheodds · 10/10/2022 23:22

If you were sleeping rough you might want to numb your feelings for a few hours.

HarrietSchulenberg · 10/10/2022 23:22

My ds tells me there was a guy outside his uni halls last asking for spare change, and if you said you didn't have any he'd whip out a portable card reader. I thought your post was going to be similar.

Original poster
Vodkaany1 · 10/10/2022 23:24

WeepingSomnambulist · 10/10/2022 23:17

Meh. the cans of pre-mixed drinks really sont cost all that much more than bottles of juice now. You dont get if you dont ask. He was already in for a penny so why not try it on.

Alcoholism, gambling, drugs... all mixed in around homelessness. Of course he asked.

You didnt enable. You bought him food. He has problems and I dont think cheeky fuck is the right term here. Well done for buying him food and not buying other junk. You did a good thing.

It wasn't the cost of it that bothered me and maybe CF isn't the right phrase, I was just shocked when he'd asked for food and then added on the other things, especially after asking me to draw money out of the cashpoint. I think he said something along the lines of "maybe you could take £20 out". I wouldn't support buying alcohol and I'm wary of giving money if I suspect there maybe an alcohol/substance abuse problem. While I understand there maybe a "need" for some escapism if living on the streets, it feels wrong to enable it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Vodkaany1 · 10/10/2022 23:27

And where did I say he should do that? Plus I didn't offer to buy him food first, he asked if I would after asking me to take money out of the cashpoint.

OP posts:
ToooMuchToDo · 10/10/2022 23:32

I get where you are coming from OP. I've been surprised sometimes by what people ask for when I offer a sandwich or something.

But ... when you are desperate, cold, possibly under the influence and/or with untreated/unsupported MH difficulties, in a v low point, feeling hopeless, facing another day/night on the street with nothing but a box and a sleeping bag then .. well desperate times call for desperate measures. I wouldn't swap places.

gamerchick · 10/10/2022 23:32

When I was homeless, getting off my head was more preferable than food. Makes walking the streets bearable.

He didn't have anything to lose by chancing his arm OP. If you haven't done it, try to squash the outrage.

Original poster
Vodkaany1 · 10/10/2022 23:32

AmadeusBreathingWater · 10/10/2022 23:18

you’re right, he should have kissed your feet for offering to buy him a sandwich

🙄

Show me where I said he should do that? Buying him something to eat was not a problem but I didn't offer, he asked me to do that (after originally asking me to take money out of the cash point for him). I was taken aback by the extra requests as I've never had that before

OP posts:
Original poster
Vodkaany1 · 10/10/2022 23:39

gamerchick · 10/10/2022 23:32

When I was homeless, getting off my head was more preferable than food. Makes walking the streets bearable.

He didn't have anything to lose by chancing his arm OP. If you haven't done it, try to squash the outrage.

I'm sorry you were in that position and hope things have improved for you? I'm not outraged as such, normally I would've laughed it off and told him nice try, as I can only imagine how distressing it is to be homeless but after asking me to take money out of the cashpoint and then the extra requests, I was just taken aback I guess.

OP posts:
shiningstar2 · 10/10/2022 23:42

I would have bought the food op but like you, I would have been taken aback s bit at the extra requests. It must truly be awful to be homeless but there are so many people struggling right now, you could have been struggling yourself to stretch to buy him the food. I don't blame him for trying but I don't think I would have bought the extras.

stillvicarinatutu · 10/10/2022 23:43

Meh. I'd have bought him the 99p whiskey and coke. A sandwich. Can't see difference between a coke and a JD and coke really.

Not the scratch card tho ! But cheeky I dont even buy them for me !

user1473878824 · 10/10/2022 23:44

AmadeusBreathingWater · 10/10/2022 23:18

you’re right, he should have kissed your feet for offering to buy him a sandwich

🙄

This with bells on. He’s fucking homeless, he asked for a can of shit mixed drink, not Patron and some oysters. God forbid he won a quid on a scratch card.

VeridicalVagabond · 10/10/2022 23:48

He's got no fucking house. He asked for a can and a scratch card, not a bungalow in the Cotswolds. Not as if he's got much to loose by asking.

cupoftea33 · 10/10/2022 23:50

The fact that you went around the supermarket with him and were buying him things baffles me!!!

I've given heaps of change to homeless people when I've had it.

If I don't have change I simply say sorry no change on me and keep walking.

You sound like a bit of a walk over OP. He probably knew that.
Take better care of yourself next time!

Original poster
Vodkaany1 · 10/10/2022 23:54

user1473878824 · 10/10/2022 23:44

This with bells on. He’s fucking homeless, he asked for a can of shit mixed drink, not Patron and some oysters. God forbid he won a quid on a scratch card.

Show quote history

I didn't expect him to be falling over himself with gratitude (in fact he didn't say thank you) but he'd already asked me to take money out of the cash point, requested food - which I was happy to do -and then added on the other requests. I won't buy alcohol for anyone on the streets (as much as I understand the need/want to escape for reality for a little while) as I won't enable alcoholism - I've seen too much damage in my family for that, hence my ironic username

OP posts:
JaneorEleven · 10/10/2022 23:55

If I was sleeping rough, I can imagine wanting to take the edge off with alcohol. The scratch card was just a dream for a bit of luck to go his way. I wouldn’t judge at all.

NightsByTheLake · 10/10/2022 23:55

VeridicalVagabond · 10/10/2022 23:48

He's got no fucking house. He asked for a can and a scratch card, not a bungalow in the Cotswolds. Not as if he's got much to loose by asking.

Exactly. Can anyone be actually ‘gobsmacked’ if someone with fuck all, facing winter on the streets, asks for a bit more when they find someone willing to help them? I can’t really think of it as cheeky when the person has nothing.

Moonshine5 · 10/10/2022 23:57

I appreciate that you were doing a good thing for this person. I have worked with many people in similar scenarios and the majority of my colleagues have suggested that we shouldn't label, or judge. If someone wants to drink then it is not our place to dictate whether it is appropriate. Of course we don't have to enable by purchasing it however it is simply not our call to make in a country with allegedly free will.

Original poster
Vodkaany1 · 10/10/2022 23:59

cupoftea33 · 10/10/2022 23:50

The fact that you went around the supermarket with him and were buying him things baffles me!!!

I've given heaps of change to homeless people when I've had it.

If I don't have change I simply say sorry no change on me and keep walking.

You sound like a bit of a walk over OP. He probably knew that.
Take better care of yourself next time!

Admittedly I am a bit of a soft touch, I don't like to just walk past homeless people as if they don't exist and will help where I can. I thought he was going to stay outside while I went and got him a sandwich deal thing but he followed me in. As it turns out he just got some cakes and then asked foe the other bits. There's a chance he wasn't genuine but who knows!

OP posts: