To be gobsmacked by this

[Vodkaany1]

Was walking through our local town tonight and there was a man outside one of the local mini supermarkets who was homeless and asked if I could spare some money, I said sorry, no as I didn't have any cash on me as I rarely carry cash these days. He was stood by the cashpoint outside and said "Maybe you could draw some money out" Being I was on my own and aware of potential distraction theft (fairly large town with fairly high crime rate) I said no, I wasn't prepared to take any money out, so he asked if I could perhaps buy him some food from the mini supermarket and as I'm not completely heartless I said yes that's fine. Went in with him to pick some food and then he asked me if I would buy him a small can of alcohol with mixer - think JD & coke in a can type thing - and a scratch card!! I was utterly gob smacked and my response was to tell him he was taking the piss and I'd buy him some food and a non alcohol drink and that was it or he could have nothing. Honestly couldn't believe it! AIBU to be shocked by the sheer cfery of him? It's really put me off helping anyone else in future

Exactly this.

YABU and should count yourself lucky that you have the headspace for this to be gobsmacking.

Did you hope we would all say how awful he is?

if she has some deep held personal conviction that none of her money is used to provide alcohol or something then of course that's her prerogative. And if she just didn't want to do it and was slightly uncomfortable that he'd asked...whatever. But they've made a post saying she's 'gobsmacked' and calling the guy a cheeky fuck, saying how she might never help anyone again, because he had the temerity to ask for something he wanted?

@MytummydontjigglejiggleItfolds there's a lot of drama over an everyday incident where most of us would say: "Sorry, no."

Can you imagine being homeless? You get bought food/drink that others deem "suitable".

The self righteous, I didn't buy him alcohol and. I didn't buy him coke, I get him a sandwich and water, aren't I great. I'm sure he'll stop being alcohol dependent now I've done that.

My DS works with the homeless and he says that is one thing that gets him, people giving food rather than cash and letting them decide what they want to buy that night.

No it may not be what you "want" them to have but if 10 cigarettes and a can of JD and coke do it, then great.

Because people are homeless, we mustn't take all autonomy away from them.

It's cold out there, we're all concerned about staying warm indoors currently, Imagine how they feel?

Crikey. Every now and then I read a thread and feel amazed at how contrary the majority of responses are.

I'm On the app I can't see that, but very interesting!

I think it's saying a lot of people see homelessness as meaning a "lower being", so it's ok for us lucky ones being joked that can say "I don't like fried eggs, I'll have scrambled" but homeless people should be grateful for anything and everything they're given.

Clearly, whilst voting that way, they can't vocalise that as they don't want to be corrected

Contrary? Pointing out another view?

I just ignore them now. Especially men because I think it makes a woman on her own very vulnerable to be helping unknown man with a penis who could have all sorts of addictions or mental health issues.

Do you give to homeless charities instead? If the only reason that you don't give us because you feel vulnerable?

Or is it just an area of society that you like to pretend doesn't exist?

This happened to me, it was horrible. Young man begging tearfully for a bottle of water outside tescos. I said, sure, I'll get you some water. Money, money he said. Need food. I'll get you food I said, and went into tescos. He came with me saying money, money. When he realised I wasn't going to give him cash, he scanned the prices of the meat and took the most expensive box of chicken, then grabbed more bits by looking at the prices.

I felt really intimidated but I just wanted it over with so I went up to the checkout with him, he basically threw the food down in anger. The guy at the till clearly recognised him.

I paid up and the guy grabbed the stuff and stormed out. I was shaking as I walked away, it was a horrible experience and I couldn't work out what had just happened.

I walked back the same way an hour later and another guy was there with him, going through his takings and shouting angrily at him.

Clearly it was a script and the guy gives the money to a higher up guy. I don't make eye contact with them now.

Because people are homeless, we mustn't take all autonomy away from them.

I agree with this so I give money along with if I've bought food. I absolutely understand spending it on alcohol and that plenty of non-homeless people do the same. However, giving someone their own money to make their own decisions is different from buying them alcohol. I don't want to have anything to do with someone possibly relapsing or being dangerously affected by alcohol so I wouldn't buy it.

No one has to buy anyone something just because they ask.

I never help the homeless directly because there are plenty organisations where I live that offer support, food, a bed etc. I will however talk to and I've got to know some of them quite well in the past. Quite a number (of men) are transient homeless - they live elsewhere during the summer months and get casual jobs, come back to my city in the autumn to beg. Almost all have addiction issues. I do tend to tell them about the support services and have in the past reported to SS when I've seen extremely vulnerable people on the street. But no - I never give money.

Don't fucking talk to people who are trying to get you to get cash from a cash machine. How bloody gullible are you? Christ almighty. People like you make the streets more dangerous for the rest of us, as thieves get bolder because more dimwits are so keen to virtue signal and whip their credit cards out they lose all common sense.

What the actual. The lack of empathy here is shocking. Are you for real? Check your humanity, @LikeTearsInRain

I was in Las Vegas and saw a homeless man with a sign that said
“Not gonna lie, I need money for beer”. None of the “Will work for food” nonsense for that guy!

He didn't actually want food. He wanted alcohol. No homeless charity will advocate giving cash. Homeless people are given food. Most want money for drink and drugs. It's just a fact.

Where I live a lot of the 'homeless' women are run by gangs of men. They get bused around the city and strategic placed early morning and collected in the evening with their takings (which are all taken by the men). They also distribute dogs to some of the people who are 'homeless' as people are more likely to give money to feed their pets.
No way am I enabling any of this. Some people are really naive in my experience.

You did a good thing OP. You seem surprised he asked for alcohol whereas I’d expect this request and just politely decline and get him the food.

Op sounds nice and empathetic. Not a walk over. I've often bought people stuff from super market and I'd have probably bought this guy his mixed drink and scratch card too.

I remember once on a bitterly cold night having a chat with a homeless guy who was telling me about his trouble finding safe accommodation for the night for himself and his wife. He had plenty of food that people had given him. I drew a fifty from a cash machine thinking that might buy him a room at a cheap b n b. When I sat in my car I saw him talking to another guy and it looked like maybe he handed him the money. Maybe it was just a chat or maybe he bought drugs of him. I m in no position to judge from my safe and warm ivory tower. I just hope the money I gave him didn't get him into further trouble.

Around here there are now considerably fewer people begging. They were nearly all of evidently similar foreign origin and nearly all held identical ‘I am hungry God Bless’ placards, which made me think that they were run by gangmasters*. Now that fewer people carry much cash at all since the pandemic - I rarely do any more - they have largely vanished.
While I feel very sorry for anyone begging like that, whether alone or through a gangmaster, I won’t give money. I do however support more than one charity for the homeless.

Might add that I became much more cynical ages ago, after a bloke who for some years was always outside M&S with his dog - I always gave him something - was ‘outed’ by a local paper - he had his own flat (owned, not rented) and a nice stash in the bank. I never saw him again.

*There was a TV documentary some years ago - presented by someone of the same national origin - which among other things showed the palatial villas owned by such gangmasters in a certain Eastern European capital city.

Precisely, he's homeless, but my take on that is different.

Asking for food/hot drink etc and shelter all fine.

Asking someone to fund chasing a dream of a scratch card win and to enable an ongoing alcohol problem, not OK, however tempting it is to want to feel good to think we have made them happy albeit for a very brief amount of time.

There was a time I called 111 for assistance because a homeless person (who was part of a couple who had taken up residence in the grounds of the offices I worked in) was being very sick noisily for hours and barely had the strength to stand. Within 10 minutes there was an ambulance and a police car on site. The homeless person refused all assistance other than the check-up while sat in the ambulance, but I was told that both her and her partner asked repeatedly for several different strong pain relief drugs.

The police officer who came to speak to me said that both of them were known to both the social and emergency services but would not accept the help offered by either. I then voiced concerns that winter was approaching and they're living rough, only to be told that between the various services/charities there were enough beds in shelters in our local area for those that needed them but this pair, along with many others would not accept the basic rules of no drinking/drug-taking in the shelters/hostels so would not use them or had been excluded for the night for fighting or breaking the no drink/drugs rule.

I was also duped by a homeless person asking for change because he was 50p short of what he needed for a hot pasty. It seemed so specific so i gave him 50p and another £2 for a hot drink, only for him to instantly run off away from the pasty shop towards the pedestrian underpass most people avoid because of drug dealing/taking.

I don't even give them change now, it's food/drink/hot drink or nothing.

Are you for real?

Whilst I completely understand why they would want to drink, wouldn't being drunk make them more vulnerable on the streets? Its a terrible situation. Councils should be made to make adequate accommodation available to the homeless. We are one of the wealthiest countries in the world, this shouldn't be happening. Where I live, we never saw people on the streets but in the last few years its become an almost common sight. If we can't provide the basics in life to the most vulnerable, we have no business calling ourselves civilised. The irony is, there are streets and streets of empty houses in town.

Don't ask don't get I guess.

You were gently mugged.

You sound awful! Maybe you should stay indoors, the streets would be a nicer place without you.