To be gobsmacked by this

[Vodkaany1]

Was walking through our local town tonight and there was a man outside one of the local mini supermarkets who was homeless and asked if I could spare some money, I said sorry, no as I didn't have any cash on me as I rarely carry cash these days. He was stood by the cashpoint outside and said "Maybe you could draw some money out" Being I was on my own and aware of potential distraction theft (fairly large town with fairly high crime rate) I said no, I wasn't prepared to take any money out, so he asked if I could perhaps buy him some food from the mini supermarket and as I'm not completely heartless I said yes that's fine. Went in with him to pick some food and then he asked me if I would buy him a small can of alcohol with mixer - think JD & coke in a can type thing - and a scratch card!! I was utterly gob smacked and my response was to tell him he was taking the piss and I'd buy him some food and a non alcohol drink and that was it or he could have nothing. Honestly couldn't believe it! AIBU to be shocked by the sheer cfery of him? It's really put me off helping anyone else in future

What would you do if you were in his shoes?

"I'd like a nutritious meal and some mineral water, please".

🙄

No I don't really drink at all due to family history of alcohol abuse and addiction - maybe one or two year. I chose my user name foe the irony

I didn't really have a choice with that one - he followed me in but I did think it was fair enough for him to choose what he wanted to eat

@Vodkaany1 'No I don't really drink at all due to family history of alcohol abuse and addiction '
Maybe that's why it was an instinctive hard no from you then.

My takeaway from this post is I will resolve to hold some cash in my handbag for this in future.

Sadly, I'm someone who has too easily got into the habit of saying "Sorry, no cash ..." as I dash on past.

I can almost guarantee that if you were sleeping rough, you wouldn’t keep your teetotal status for long. It’s not really a choice for them, they do what they need to get through, alcohol helps.

Not buying it for them doesn’t help, they need homes, an addiction programme and a lot of support. It’s just not available.

What would you rather a street sleeper died of? freezing to death? Malnutrition? being pissed on daily and beaten up by thugs? When you are on the streets, frankly any distraction be that coke, meth or alcohol is welcomed. Its not the same as giving alcohol to a dependent partner, parent or child....they have much better choices they can make. Homelessness gives you practically no choices at all so I can fully understand the desire to get pissed.....and I am a tee totaler.

This is exactly what I'm going to do from now on!

Fair play to you OP. You’ve had some real criticism but have taken it well and are still willing to help. 🙌

@Trez1510 'My takeaway from this post is I will resolve to hold some cash in my handbag for this in future.

Sadly, I'm someone who has too easily got into the habit of saying "Sorry, no cash ..." as I dash on past.'

Yes it's not like we're lying, we have no cash usually. I now budget it in when I go out and take an extra bill from the cash machine, I can afford it because it's once in a blue moon.

Don't get me wrong, I completely understand why they would want to drink in that situation but I can't bring myself to buy it buy it for them. Maybe that's selfish of me but growing up around alcoholics and seeing it being out the worst in people I just can't do it.

OP. You are better than me. I would have walked when he asked you to withdraw money at the cash point.

I know how my post has come across but I really am not an arsehole. I teach my children not to take the fact we have a warm home and food each day for granted and that while me may not have lots of money, we have a lot more than some. I've helped lots of homeless people with food/money/clothes/sleeping bags and it just threw me as not one has ever asked for more than what they originally asked for, if you see what I mean? Plus with how insistant he was, I just felt a bit intimidated I guess. I know I said it's put me off helping but I'll still help, i'll just be a bit more wary

I never give money to people begging in the street. As far as I'm aware, the advice has always been that you shouldn't

www.bolton.gov.uk/news/article/1035/former-beggar-warns-don-t-give-money-to-those-on-the-street

I certainly wouldn't go and draw money out of a cash machine! I might buy them a sandwich if asked, but definitely not alcohol and scratch cards.

YANBU OP, you did a good thing buying him some food, when the majority would just have walked past.

The problem in this situation is that no-one knows the difference between a genuine 'rough sleeper' and a 'professional beggar'.

If I come into contact with anyone like this I give them the address of the homeless shelter or church 'soup kitchen'.

Ah well I guess you don’t ask you don’t get and desperate times call for desperate measures.

If you were spending the money anyway you may as well have spent it on what he wanted

Another idea for the non cash carriers - gift vouchers, doesn’t have to be much, just £5 for a cafe, greggs, Tesco etc

I had a woman do similar to me. Said she needed money at first to cover rent for her child. When offered to buy something from the shop instead she wanted a can of cider, chocolate bar and 20 fags

Ignore the usual mn twats. You can't even give to the homeless without being told you're an arsehole here.

You were very kind and he was blatantly trying to take advantage of your kindness. His life is probably so shit that he deemed pushing for more worth a go, but of course it was unpleasant for you.

The correct MN response would have been to have given him your home.

Agree.

Same with the booze. I look upon it as I'm not buying them drink, I'm buying them a little bit of time free from anxiety.

What would you rather a street sleeper died of? freezing to death? Malnutrition? being pissed on daily and beaten up by thugs? When you are on the streets, frankly any distraction be that coke, meth or alcohol is welcomed. Its not the same as giving alcohol to a dependent partner, parent or child....they have much better choices they can make. Homelessness gives you practically no choices at all so I can fully understand the desire to get pissed.....and I am a tee totaler.

Well said. It's easy for those of us with a home, warm blankets and food to judge. The same people who gobble anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds or have their welcome half-bottle of wine at night put their nose in the air at the notion of buying some poor sod on the street a little relief.

OP i don't think you're U for being a little taken aback at being asked to withdraw money - I guess he chose to stand next to an ATM strategically. But I guess he's learned that nobody carried cash around and wants to maximise the odds.

I don't think you're U for being a little taken aback that he accompanied you around the store. But at least he was getting what he actually wanted rather than assuming a complete stranger would know what he would/could eat. Yes, I know a lot of you will think he should be grateful for anything, but he might have allergies etc.

I don't think you're U for thinking he's cheeky for adding the scratchcard. Totally unreasonable request, IMO.

I don't even think you're U for not wanting to buy him an alcoholic drink (you have your reasons and that's fine, nobody else's business) BUT why do you automatically assume he's an alcoholic? At one point you suggest that he might even have been a professional beggar, so was he really acting drunk, look like a drunk, smell like a drunk, was he reeling all over the place? One shitty mixed drink does not an alcoholic make. It's not like he was asking for a quart, half or bottle of cheap whisky or vodka.

Now you have a plan to always have cash with you to hand out to the homeless, are you going to dictate to them what they're allowed to spend that money on? You could still be 'enabling' addicts but is that OK as long as you're not personally purchasing the drugs or alcohol?

I always offer to take beggars to go and buy food instead if they ask me for money. Only 2 people have ever taken me up on it. People are naive if you think others don’t beg for drug money, some aren’t even homeless.

Lovely MN piling on OP for not buying a stranger alcohol ffs. You could give your life savings and bloody home away to the man and you’d still be the arsehole here. YANBU, i’d walk soon as he pushed me into using the ATM, would love to see all these others in the same situation it’s the pure cheek of taking advantage of kindness and pushing his luck, I wouldn’t care if he’s got nothing to lose or not, there’s a moral compass between providing a meal or buying alcohol/fags.