To be gobsmacked by this

[Vodkaany1]

Was walking through our local town tonight and there was a man outside one of the local mini supermarkets who was homeless and asked if I could spare some money, I said sorry, no as I didn't have any cash on me as I rarely carry cash these days. He was stood by the cashpoint outside and said "Maybe you could draw some money out" Being I was on my own and aware of potential distraction theft (fairly large town with fairly high crime rate) I said no, I wasn't prepared to take any money out, so he asked if I could perhaps buy him some food from the mini supermarket and as I'm not completely heartless I said yes that's fine. Went in with him to pick some food and then he asked me if I would buy him a small can of alcohol with mixer - think JD & coke in a can type thing - and a scratch card!! I was utterly gob smacked and my response was to tell him he was taking the piss and I'd buy him some food and a non alcohol drink and that was it or he could have nothing. Honestly couldn't believe it! AIBU to be shocked by the sheer cfery of him? It's really put me off helping anyone else in future

So @Vodkaany1 (interesting name for someone so uptight about alcohol!) what would you have done if to us bought him a scratch card (or he’d bought one with a pound coin you’d found) and he won big? That’s a much more interesting moral dilemma!

AIBU to be shocked by the sheer cfery of him? It's really put me off helping anyone else in future

I appreciate you've tried to explain yourself OP but I voted YABU for this because it wasn't cfery. The guy is homeless and social norms go out of the window. It's not difficult to put yourself in his shoes and ask what you'd do if 99% of people ignored or said, "no", or treated you like scum.

And while you claim not to be judging, you are really if you thought he was a CF, whichever way you explain it.

And why would it put you off helping others in future? Are you tarring the homeless with the same brush or has the prospect of dealing with unreasonable requests been too distasteful?

Give over with the performative outrage. It’s a bit silly.

I’m honestly not sure what you wanted from this thread? Anyone who disagrees with you, you argue with. Accounts from real life people who’ve been homeless, they’re still wrong and you’re still right.

Do you just want us to fawn at your good deed by buying a person some food and the lecture about enabling his alcoholism?

Well done OP. You’re a queen. He will be off the streets clean and sober tomorrow because he didn’t have that 1 can in his belly and no money from you to buy any more. Bravooooooo

I’ve been in this situation and it made me really uncomfortable. Not the alcohol but offering to get them something from the shop and they got up and came in with me to choose - I don’t want someone going round the shop with me and that’s not what I offered. The man was then angry with me that I wouldn’t buy more so I learned a lesson never to agree to this. I will still offer and get someone a sandwich, fruit or a coffee etc. they ask for but not a shopping trip.

Round here they can sometimes be aggressive and one shouts at you if you don’t say yes. One time I said “sorry, I don’t have any change today” and now he mocks me and repeats that back to me when he sees me. But OTOH a lot of the homeless in our area seem to have MH problems. Even without that I can understand it must be awful.

🤣
I've bought plenty of food and blankets, without being asked for people begging on the streets of my hometown, however never money due to the many reports that there are "fake" homeless in our town.
That's my entire point, you just don't know!

Probably an alcoholic. I would not have purchased alcohol for an alcoholic. Some filling healthy warning food yes but no to alcohol

He asked, you said no eventually.

Why is everyone who asks you to do something you don't particularly want to do a cheeky fucker on Mumsnet? They're not holding a knife to your throat. Just say you'd rather not.

Nothing puritanical about saying alcohol has an escapist quality. If it didn’t hardly any of us would drink it. I know it’s not what I’d want if I had another night without a roof.

My eldest son is very vulnerable. He was asked for money by a man standing by a cash machine. The man said he was homeless. My son told him that he only had three pounds.

He gave this to the man, who then started to 'cry' and told my son that he had a baby and a dog to feed (or something similar) and asked my son if he could withdraw some money from the cash machine. My son went to the machine and the man stood close to him (my son is autistic, so this made him really uncomfortable). He told my son to draw out as much as he could. My son withdrew £400, which is the maximum he could withdraw. The money was his rent for the month. The man did not 'threaten' my son, he was just really close and really coercive.

My son told me about what had happened the next day, and although the police checked the CCTV, around the area, my son could not identify anyone. He was, and still is scared of going to that area of town. We helped him to change his PIN just in case this had been seen, and to help my son feel safer. His support staff have given him extra advice about how to respond to this sort of coercion.

So, whilst the incident described in this thread is amusing at one level, there is a more worrying side to this type of behaviour.

This. And he was hardly going to end up passed put in the gutter from a can of mixed drink.

Don't forget the majority of people ignore him, so of course he wants to get what he can get while he can, he doesn't know when someone will stop for him again.

*I know it is what I’d want!

A middle class mum who had a hard day because her kids are misbehaving and her job is demanding “deserves” wine-o-clock, but a homeless person doesn’t?

I didn't mention the costs last night as it's irrelevant to me but for those saying that the can of drink would be not much more then a can of coke and only £1 for a scratchcard, the can of drink he wanted specifically was £2.90 and the scratchcard he wanted was, again, a specific one that was £3 as that was "the only one he does".

To the person who said I was accusing him of being a professional begger, I didn't say that - I said he may not have been genuinely homeless, he could be a drug addict with a home but begging on the street for money for his next fix. I didn't see any belongings with him as he wasn't sat outside the shop, just hanging around the door but he could've kept them elsewhere. His clothes were not clean and i believe there's a high chance he was but as I said, I'll never know for sure.

Some of you may not have agreed with my decision, which is fine, but some of you have been downright nasty. Judging me despite telling me not to judge and calling me names. How does that make you any better? It doesn't because sure as hell you wouldn't say it to my face, it's just easier to be nasty when you're behind a screen. Keep telling me I'm wrong for being outraged - please tell me where I said I was outraged? I was shocked and taken a back at the extra requests and thought it was cheeky never said I was outraged at all.
I've explained several times why I wouldn't buy booze, I don't buy it for myself either. Just because you have been in similar childhood situation to me and would still buy it, doesn't make me wrong!

They are very persistent and intimidating. I don't want to encourage begging so I have regular donation set up to a homeless charity and if I'm in a different area I donate to a local charity via my phone.

I think you did a good thing helping him but don't let it put you off helping others.

@sst1234

Oh give over yourself. I hardly ever rise to stuff on this site but this is crazy! It's not peformative to be genuinely gobsmacked that someone would make a post about how a homeless man asking for a scratchcard is a cheeky fuck and she will never help anyone again!

I can’t imagine making this kind of moralistic judgement. If I’d agreed to buy him something to eat and a drink then I’d not be moralistic if it was coke or jd and coke. People who live on the streets do so for many reasons and not one of them is good,

Only on mumsnet would this be ok 😂

MN has gone crazy lately, people just seem to want to disagree with every OP written.

OP, he was a CF, he shouldn’t have pushed you to buy him things or give him cash, he made you feel uncomfortable and he knew this. Yes he’s homeless and desperate but that’s no excuse to make a women feel uncomfortable. I would have have told him to wait where he was and I would have bought him a sandwich and a drink and brought it out to him, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with someone following me into a supermarket and demanding items such as alcohol and scratch cards. It’s your money and your choice what you buy or don’t buy for him.

@Vodkaany1 meeting a man begging by a cashpoint outside a supermarket is a completely unremarkable encounter. Most of us do that at least once a day. You agreed to buy him a sandwich and were gobsmacked that he asked you for more. If you really were you shouldn't be allowed out on your own.

😱

This thread is quite interesting in terms of voting.
Most comments indicate that OP is being unreasonable, whereas the poll shows a silent majority of voters think she is not unreasonable.
(28/72 at present)

But that's not what I said. I said a can of JD and coke isn't escapism from the streets.
For what it's worth I don't drink, and yes of course alcohol offers escapism for some, but that's the problem here isn't it...a homeless guy asked for a can of JD and coke and it's ended up in a discussion about the evils of alcohol as a substance.
Other members of the public's drinking/shopping habits don't prompt this kind of talk. Think about how many people buy alcohol from Tesco in a day and how little thought is given to that.
The difference in OP situation is of course it's her money, and if she has some deep held personal conviction that none of her money is used to provide alcohol or something then of course that's her prerogative. And if she just didn't want to do it and was slightly uncomfortable that he'd asked...whatever. But they've made a post saying she's 'gobsmacked' and calling the guy a cheeky fuck, saying how she might never help anyone again, because he had the temerity to ask for something he wanted?
I'm genuinely taken aback by that. A request from a homeless guy for - a JD and coke and a scratchcard. I don't see anything awful about that 🤷‍♀️

You weren’t unreasonable not to go to the cash point given the theft concern.

You we’re very unreasonable to judge his request and then post on here that you were gobsmacked by the cheek of him. I suppose you’d have been more comfortable if he’d asked for a dry crust of bread or some gruel, which is all you seem to think he would be entitled to as a homeless person.