To me having a child is a big decision. Having a baby/child/teenager will change both your lives. At the new born stage your hormonal and tired. Then if you have a baby who is a bad sleeper you both getting over tired and ratty with each other. As a baby goes to a child their needs change and within a few years they can do more for themselves.
Then for some children the teen years can be hard as they are maturing, going to secondary school, dealing with friends or a lack of them and coping with exams.
How would you cope if you had a child with a physical disability or had special needs like autism?
Even a normal child can go through any number of bad periods growing up and as his or her parents you have to deal with this. You may have to fight for help for them or be prepared to spend money on getting this help. Having a child is a long term responsibility and it can be expensive as well.
I think that if you want a child it's something that you both want. You need to have a baby with someone who is going into it with their eyes open. Both of you need to be willing to accept that once you have a baby that your lives are going to change. Also it means for a man that they have to step up and do house work, mind the baby and be aware that they cant be drinking a few nights a week, going to football matches ect and leaving you to all the baby and household stuff.
I have seen couples where one wants a baby and the other not as much so. Then the person who wanted the baby is the one who ends up doing most of the work and can be left dealing with resentment when they ask their other half for help.
I would also say that if you want a baby see if you can mind a friends or families baby or small kids on a regular basis for a while. I know minding someone else kids is not the same as having your own child but it can give you a better idea of the work involved with a baby or small child. The dream of a baby/small child can be far different in reality.
I know you said to your husband that you did not want to have kids but now in your early 30's you do. I wonder is this because you feel it time now or your hormones are telling you it's times? Is it because your friends are all beginning to have babies? Or have you heard some comments about having a baby?
My advice is that you and him sit down and have a conversation about having a child. Tell him why you are thinking of changing your mind about having a child.
Find out is either sitting on the fence about having a child or did he say what he did because he had not the guts to tell you that he has no interest in having kids.
I know that may not be an easy conversation to have with him but you need to know how he really feels about having a baby. If you know he does not want kids and why you can decide then what to do. Don't let him tell you that you can try for a baby in say 1 or 2 years time due to what ever reasons because he could be just telling you that to keep you happy for now.
I would also tell him that it would be better for you to try for a baby now rather than later on because the older you get the high the risk of harder pregnancy or a disabled child.
He might tell you he does not want kids and if that is the case you know the truth. You can decide then what you want long term. If you still really want a family you have time to end things with him and move on to find another man who wants the same as you.
I know one man who told his long term partner that he did not want kids. She ended thing with him and went on to meet a man who wanted kids.
Another lady I knew told her boyfriend of 8 years that she wanted to get married and have a family. She was almost 30 with a good job and saving and he was around the same age. His attitude was we have plenty of time for that. She realised that he was quite happy to have her in his life but marriage and kids were a long way off or might never happen.
So she told him it was over. One of his friends asked her out a few months later and they are now happily married with 2 teenagers.