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AIBU?

Husband won’t turn the heating on, but goes on a massive night out

244 replies

Willywonkamum · 08/10/2022 13:36

Cost of living crisis, soaring energy bills..you know the score. DH is very much of the “put on another jumper” type (ps I’m already wearing one, thick socks and slippers in the house, on occasion a jacket), all on the pretence that we need to be cautious with bills etc. but I feel like this is the only area of his life he is frugal with, meanwhile he pays for rounds of drinks after work, going out for lunch everyday when working in the office, whilst I suppose my work doesn’t have that culture. I suppose my argument is, well maybe if you didn’t spend all that money on beers/took a pack lunch to work every once in a while then we could put the heating on, so that I’m not sitting working from home with a hot water bottle. Please feel free to tell me I am being unreasonable but I just don’t feel we are aligned on the financial priorities….what do I do?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

2034 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
4%
You are NOT being unreasonable
96%
JaneJeffer · 08/10/2022 13:37

Put the heating on.

Quartz2208 · 08/10/2022 13:38

Talk to him - come up with a clear budget for these things and put the heating on

Hotandbothereds · 08/10/2022 13:38

Don’t you pay for the heating too? If you want to put it on just put it on, I wouldn’t be asking permission in my own home, why do you think this is his decision to make?

pointythings · 08/10/2022 13:38

Put the heating on, he's being selfish and ridiculous.

CurbsideProphet · 08/10/2022 13:40

Several things to consider:
How much is he spending every month on himself - ie lunch everyday and after work drinks? Have you sat down and discussed the household outgoings properly? Is he of the mindset that it's fine for him to spend eg £150 pcm on himself, but you should be cold in the house?

cushioncovers · 08/10/2022 13:42

Just turn the heating on and explain to him that if he's worried about money he needs to cut right down on buying other people drinks. He is being an idiot v

Autumntime2022 · 08/10/2022 13:43

You need to discuss budget and priorities. I don’t mind layering up when I’m along WFH but will not have it cold here when my kids are here.

Notbeinfunnehbut · 08/10/2022 13:43

Tell him this not us!!

absolutely NBU

MrMrsJones · 08/10/2022 13:43

Put the fecking heating on, he can make cuts in his budget.

Especially as your WFH

Parker231 · 08/10/2022 13:44

Do you both have equal personal money? If so, his spending should come out his personal money. With regards to the heating, you both live in the house - if you are cold, put the heating on.

Chesterfieldfire · 08/10/2022 13:45

lunch out everyday is such an extravagance! Tell him he needs to pack his lunch.

antwacky · 08/10/2022 13:46

Put the heating on and get him told that there's plenty of ways that he can be economising.
PS a couple of years ago I bought myself a heated throw, it's wonderful and really helps keeps the bill down.

Willywonkamum · 08/10/2022 13:46

Question for those living with partners/families. How does everyone do a family budget? I wonder if we need to create a joint account for all shared bills, mortgage, nursery fees etc and each pay the same in monthly? Or say 75% of our monthly earnings each. We both have good jobs (he earns a fair bit more.) possibly that might help for my growing feelings of resentment….

OP posts:
Grandeur · 08/10/2022 13:47

It's only early October. I highly doubt you're sat there with thick socks, thick jumpers, slippers and hot water bottles while still being cold enough to need the heating on. Do you have a medical problem?

I'm on your husbands side here.

Bywayofanupdate · 08/10/2022 13:47

Putting the heating on is basic, going out for drinks and buying lunch are luxuries. Does he realise this?

Believeitornot · 08/10/2022 13:48

Grandeur · 08/10/2022 13:47

It's only early October. I highly doubt you're sat there with thick socks, thick jumpers, slippers and hot water bottles while still being cold enough to need the heating on. Do you have a medical problem?

I'm on your husbands side here.

I have been!!!

Cwcwbird · 08/10/2022 13:49

Willywonkamum · 08/10/2022 13:46

Question for those living with partners/families. How does everyone do a family budget? I wonder if we need to create a joint account for all shared bills, mortgage, nursery fees etc and each pay the same in monthly? Or say 75% of our monthly earnings each. We both have good jobs (he earns a fair bit more.) possibly that might help for my growing feelings of resentment….

Yes that's exactly what we do and then we have a similar amount left for ourselves. That way if he wants to burn his on lunches out it doesn't impact on you.

Autumntime2022 · 08/10/2022 13:49

Both partners should have equal ‘fun money’ so everything else goes on bills and essentials.

Bywayofanupdate · 08/10/2022 13:49

@Grandeur i have been too, currently sat with thick socks and slippers but can't feel my toes or fingers and I have a red nose! Not putting the heating on til tonight, I'm determined!

CheezePleeze · 08/10/2022 13:50

Just put the heating on.

Where on earth do you live that you need a jumper, thick socks, a jacket and hot water bottle?

Not that it matters really. Just put the heating on.

Cwcwbird · 08/10/2022 13:51

You don't even know where in the country she is grandeur. Its lovely where I am but I don't assume everyone on mumsnet lives in my neck of the woods.

Autumntime2022 · 08/10/2022 13:53

Plus sitting at a desk WFH is much colder than being active doing housework/running around after kids.

arethereanyleftatall · 08/10/2022 13:53

Wtf op? Seriously, wtf?
Why, on earth, would he get the only way over the heating?
And, why, on earth, does he not put far more in to the costs if he earns more and you have children?
This is actually absurd.

Doyoumind · 08/10/2022 13:54

Grandeur · 08/10/2022 13:47

It's only early October. I highly doubt you're sat there with thick socks, thick jumpers, slippers and hot water bottles while still being cold enough to need the heating on. Do you have a medical problem?

I'm on your husbands side here.

It's been cold working in my house the last couple of weeks. I've really wrapped up. I would be more comfortable with the heating on but am being frugal in all areas. It is cold enough to put the heating on if there's money to spare for luxuries.

Willywonkamum · 08/10/2022 13:54

Scotland….😂

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