Husband won’t turn the heating on, but goes on a massive night out

[Willywonkamum]

Cost of living crisis, soaring energy bills..you know the score. DH is very much of the “put on another jumper” type (ps I’m already wearing one, thick socks and slippers in the house, on occasion a jacket), all on the pretence that we need to be cautious with bills etc. but I feel like this is the only area of his life he is frugal with, meanwhile he pays for rounds of drinks after work, going out for lunch everyday when working in the office, whilst I suppose my work doesn’t have that culture. I suppose my argument is, well maybe if you didn’t spend all that money on beers/took a pack lunch to work every once in a while then we could put the heating on, so that I’m not sitting working from home with a hot water bottle. Please feel free to tell me I am being unreasonable but I just don’t feel we are aligned on the financial priorities….what do I do?

@Willywonkamum there is not a chance I would WFH with a hot water bottle to keep warm if my husband was not making similar sacrifices. I would simply put the heating on.

I work from home. Sat at a computer meaning I don’t move much. I’m wrapped up right now with fleecey trousers, a thick jumper, bed socks and a sleeping bag around my lower body. My house is just under 16 degrees by the thermostat. I don’t heat the house while working from home either. I will get around to a mini heater in my office to take the chill off. Cost not withstanding I would totally have my heating on.

I did live in the days before central heating and I hated it. It took so much time out if everyone’s day just trying to keep warm.

Just because you lived in a time when not every house had heating doesn’t mean you coped and were hardy.

My memories of ice on the inside of the bedroom windows, being in bed at night and spending as long as I could in pain wanting to go to the toilet but knowing it meant going outside across a freezing back yard in the pitch black and getting soaked because it was raining just to go to the toilet and then having to go back into a cold house and get into bed still wet from the rain and being unable to sleep because I was so cold,

When I got central heating that heating was turned up to 30 degrees and it was tropical. Can’t stand a cold house. I want to walk around in shorts and a t shirt inside. Not bundled up in layers of clothing with a sweating body but a freezing face.

My OH earns a wee bit more than me so we each pay a similar proportion of our salary into the joint account. All the household bills, childcare costs, car costs, holidays, etc then get paid out of that account and anything purely for ourselves is paid for out of individual accounts.

We're mostly getting by on a quick heating blast in the morning at the moment but I WFH and if the layers, fingerless gloves and hot water bottle aren't cutting it I boost the heating. I'll do what I can to avoid needing to but it wouldn't cross my mind to ask for permission!

I refuse to be cold in my house. Increased energy costs just means . Less takeaways, meals out or coffee & cake .
4 adults in my house all earning.
I feel so sorry for those on low income or benefits
. I consider my household very lucky.

Having said I like it hot in the house I am living in rented and to heat this place would cost thousands per month. (If the all electric heating worked)

Last year I spent months unable to do anything I was so cold.
i think I went a month without showering because the thought of taking my clothes off in the cold was too much. I stank. Not looking forward to this winter when it arrives.
Even now it is hotter outside than inside this place

It’s no good to you’re health or your house if you don’t put it on, I’d rather save in other areas.

I am the one who pays the energy bills in iur house and this year i have asked everyone to try to keep the heating off as much as possible so we keep the bills down. That being said as a family we are trying to save in all areas. Prices for food and energy have gone up quite a lot and is affecting out way of spending so yes, we save on everything including less takeawys, less social meetups, etc.
But I will be the first to say that you're not bejng unreasonable since he spends money lavishly elsewhere while you are trying to stay warm at home. Thats not fair.
So go ahead and put the heating on if you're cold.
I have started to put the heating on for a bit in the morning and evening. We are using our common sense about how far do we go with keeping the heating off.

Looks like op has left this thread. I wonder if she's plucked up the courage to put her foot down and tell her selfish Dh some home truths.

My husband gives me £500 per week and he’s given me a flat that’s paid off so I get the rent for that as well. He pays most of the bills and also brings chicken meat and fish home (as that’s his business)

YANBU however it’s really much healthier to live in a cooler environment. I’d be really hacked off with his personal indulgences in the circumstances though. Perhaps you could go for a few saunas to make up for it.

I haven't RTFT so apologies if this has already been mentioned, but this story reminds me of another recent MN thread in which a husband expected his wife to live very frugally but wasn't prepared to do the same himself. It seems that the double standard is still alive and well :-(

And what do you give him?

Ahem. I work from home and won't have the heating on - but I'm also the one paying the bills. I've been able to manage with just extra layers and sometimes heating a wheatbag in the microwave and keeping it on my lap while I'm at the computer. I certainly wouldn't let anyone else dictate if and when I could put the heating on, especially if they were spending money on lunches and drinks while I invariably make my own.

The poster is working from home....if she is cold she should put the heating on. Her husband works in a heated office....without sitting there with thick socks, jumpers and hats on!

I work from home, and am the type of person to feel the cold.
I put the heat on in my office for an hour in the morning, and since it's a south-facing room, it retains the heat. I also have a hot-water bottle for my feet, and a small throw over my legs.
Downstairs I put the heat on for two hours in the morning, since my kids and childminder are there. There are large south-facing windows, so it heats up pretty well.

I do what I can to reduce the heating that's on, but if anyone in the house is cold, the heating is put on.

Sounds like a peice of work. Selfish git. It's obvious he's chosen to not use the heating because he doesn't feel the cold as much without a thought about how it effects you. Also scientific fact men have thicker skin then women and don't feel the cold as much. He obviously doesn't seem to care about you freezing to death. If you both pay the bills then I would definitely be switching on the heating especially as you're working from home also. Even if you don't pay towards the heating if he won't let you switch on the heating but would rather spend that money on drunks he obviously doesn't care much for you and is not the right person.

Is he selfish in other things? Does he think his money is his and yours is for the home and family? My dad was like that he was out drinking having a good time whilst my mum and us kids had to struggle for basics. My mum had to go out to work for us to have things even though my dad was on a good wage. You need to have a talk and put your foot down. If he thinks he's entitled to luxuries whilst you're not even allowed basics he obviously doesn't have respect for you.

I'm sorry to say, I think you've inadvertently married a childish arsehole. My condolences. If you have to ask permission to turn the heating on in your own home, then that's a pretty sad state of affairs.