Husband won’t turn the heating on, but goes on a massive night out

[Willywonkamum]

Cost of living crisis, soaring energy bills..you know the score. DH is very much of the “put on another jumper” type (ps I’m already wearing one, thick socks and slippers in the house, on occasion a jacket), all on the pretence that we need to be cautious with bills etc. but I feel like this is the only area of his life he is frugal with, meanwhile he pays for rounds of drinks after work, going out for lunch everyday when working in the office, whilst I suppose my work doesn’t have that culture. I suppose my argument is, well maybe if you didn’t spend all that money on beers/took a pack lunch to work every once in a while then we could put the heating on, so that I’m not sitting working from home with a hot water bottle. Please feel free to tell me I am being unreasonable but I just don’t feel we are aligned on the financial priorities….what do I do?

2 pairs socks. Dr martens. Vest, thermal top, jumper dress, fleece lined leggings. I have been sitting and marking for 2hours though, so I need to keep warm. I think it's marginally warmer outside.

We don't have a joint account but pay proportionate bills so we have about the same spare each month.

Put the heating on OP.

Do those who contribute the same percentage of earnings as their partner, also calculate hours spent with children and on house work equally?

I really can’t fathom being with someone who would want to benefit from my labour, but expect me to have a lower standard of living and face poverty in my elderly years. It’s a truly bizarre version of “equality”

This.

Tekk him his personal indulgence is bought lunches every day and a few drinks after work; yours is not getting frostbite.

It's ridiculous that you can afford to heat your home but he'd rather spend that money on lunching out.

*Tell, not tekk

(FFS autocarrot . . . 😡)

Heating on, close doors, keep warm

Where are you to be feeling so cold? I have a thin top, pj bottoms and bare feet feeling warm enough, East Anglia.

Put the heating on
insist on sitting down and agreeing on a budget for discretionary spending like nights out. You each get equal budgets to spend on the entertainment of your choice.

Just put the heating on; why do you need his permission?

I would just switch it on and be warm. If you’re worried about his reaction then there’s probably quite a long wrong with your relationship.

Yep its pretty off to be telling someone to save money by suffering in the cold whilst at the same time, spaffing cash up the wall in the pub...

Put the heating on OP. It's even worse if you're sat trying to work, concentrating on a screen and not moving around!

West Midlands right now - it appears sunny and mild today, we've not had our heating on since last spring.

I've got long boxers, thermal leggings, floaty trousers, thin bamboo socks under thick socks, fluffy bootie slippers on, and on top a tshirt and warm gilet (I cannot do arms covered) but I think i need to find my wrist warmers as my finger tips are cold and my fingernails hurt.

Thats because I have shitty circulation due to a variety of things, not least of which is a leaky heart valve and heart failure. And I sit here in a wheelchair in front of a desk all day and even if I go make a brew, I won't be moving all that much so I will not generate any heat. I could put three jumpers on, it won't warm me up - I need actual external heat, to warm me up once cold. (I could put the heating on but our boiler needs fixing and whilst it works, it makes a frigging awful moaning groaning sound, and it's not being fixed for another week whilst our plumber is on his holidays!).

@JudgeJ gosh it's almost like people in different areas have different weather. Incredible isn't it 🙄 not to mention different rooms, house types, angle relative to the sun etc.

Work out exactly what goes out... unavoidable stuff, bills,food...petrol.

Then work out what is left.
How much do you want to spend at Xmas/holidays.

Put money to that .

What about car expenses?
Have a fund for that and put money in

Once every single expense in life is covered, see what's left and put that Extra towards heating/ electric Blankets etc.

Everything into one pot all bills and family expenses covered from there, car, nursery, utilities, mortgage, groceries, contingency, we put savings for us and DS aside at the start of the month plus a spending account for DS' needs.
Whatever is left gets divided 50/50 for our personal spends, if he wants to spend his on hipster beer, Gregg's and hobby nonsense that's entirely up to him and vice versa (I always save a bit and then he wonders how I can suddenly go away for a weekend with friends etc without reigning anything else in).
We earn similarly now but this has worked the same whoever the higher earner is (mainly me).
It's financial freedom to spend frivolously on whatever you want without judgement or criticism.

It's only early October. I highly doubt you're sat there with thick socks, thick jumpers, slippers and hot water bottles while still being cold enough to need the heating on. Do you have a medical problem

it depends where you are, I'm up in the far north of Ireland and it's bitter cold.

A married couple, & you have no say about the heating. Weird

So what happens if you just put the heating on?
Are you scared of him?

Me and DH earn decent salaries although he earns more than me.
We have a joint account and he puts in more of a % than me so that is it fair to us both.
All bills come out of that and we have our own accounts for personal spending.

But regardless of a budget and who paying what, my husband wouldn't be an arse if I wanted the heating on.

I assume your husband's office is heated!

And what other people in this thread are wearing or how hot it is with them, is totally irrelevant to the thread.

I've never understood the same percentage thing, one of you earns £100k and keeps £25k a year, the other earns £10k and gets £2.5k a year spending money. Those amounts won't earn you the same lifestyle. You should have the same money in your pocket and the same freedom to choose what you do with it.

People are weird. It's not cold where I am, so it is not cold where you are! Because that's how the world works.

Put the bloody heating on. You pay for it, use it.

But the person on 10k hasnt earned the same as the person on 100k, why should the higher earn just give away their money?

If it’s not possible for you to put the heating on (which is crazy as it’s as much your house as it is his) then buy an electric blanket to use instead. Best thing I ever purchased!! It’s not for the bed but one you use on the couch, it’s honestly so warm :)

Back in the day, my (now) ex husband and I worked our budget like this.

My salary was used to cover all household bills, food, insurances etc.
His salary was used to commit an agreed amount to savings (joint account) and the remainder was split equally between us.

He'd transfer half of his salary - less savings to me monthly.
I'd transfer my salary - less bills to the savings account.

It worked really well for us, complete transparency of what we both earned but also the privacy/control of our individual accounts.

Yes, put the heating on. If he’s home and genuinely thinks the house is too hot for his comfort, then get a £60 ceramic heater off Amazon to stick in your home office area. During menopause he can use it when you’re flinging open the windows and watching snowflakes melt on your arms while you’re wearing a tshirt.

Insofar as finances. All income goes into joint checking account that we then pay all bills out of. There’s a joint savings account as well with weekly standing order from checking account. This accumulates money and then is used as monthly payments on debt. Right now we are paying off car repair debt.

We do have our own individual accounts but they don’t have much really. Like I have one for my PIP and child benefit that then goes on things like my £26/week therapy or a taxi to the hospital. He has one for his hobby which he funds by buying and selling his hobby stuff- it’s self sufficient/self funding.

We don’t give ourselves an allowance because we can’t afford to and luckily have same priorities and are both not big spenders. So we don’t begrudge the other £20 here or there for something as odd treat when the account balance looks healthy enough. Any large purchases are prediscussed & agreed on.

Who earns more has flip flopped during the marriage and doesn’t really matter to us.

Because they are married.

I think it must depend where you live with this. We live in a London suburb and we haven't even thought about putting the heating on yet. We are still wearing TShirts here. If it's colder where you are, then heating should cone above a night out,