Husband won’t turn the heating on, but goes on a massive night out

[Willywonkamum]

Cost of living crisis, soaring energy bills..you know the score. DH is very much of the “put on another jumper” type (ps I’m already wearing one, thick socks and slippers in the house, on occasion a jacket), all on the pretence that we need to be cautious with bills etc. but I feel like this is the only area of his life he is frugal with, meanwhile he pays for rounds of drinks after work, going out for lunch everyday when working in the office, whilst I suppose my work doesn’t have that culture. I suppose my argument is, well maybe if you didn’t spend all that money on beers/took a pack lunch to work every once in a while then we could put the heating on, so that I’m not sitting working from home with a hot water bottle. Please feel free to tell me I am being unreasonable but I just don’t feel we are aligned on the financial priorities….what do I do?

@Willywonkamum DH and I pay into a joint account for bills and food shopping. He pays in more than me because he earns more.

We do all in to 3 accounts, primary account gets 60 % wages for mortgage, bills, food etc.
Account 2 gets 20% for outings, hair cuts, general splurge stuff ( can’t spend more than $200 without consultation).
Accont 3 is 20% for savings, holidays, new furniture , new car , home renovations etc,
This works for us as neither of us are spenders , I shop for clothes every 3-5 years if I must, DH Probably the same

I think you should put the heating on if you’re cold. And you should both have the same amount of spending money.

Why is it his decision? I can’t imagine having to ask permission to put the heating on. If I’m cold and want it on I put it on. There is no discussion. If my husband commented or told me what to wear I’d tell him to do one. I’m a grown up. I earn a salary and if I want the heating on I shall put it on

All of our salaries go into our joint account, from which all household and kid expenses come. We then have equal amount each month to spend on non-essentials.

Just turn the heating on. If he complains you can't afford it, highlight how much he pisses up the wall on food and drink when out.

Maybe each take 200quid a month out of the joint account for personal nights out etc. Then the rest is family money.

We put an equal amount into the joint account and all joint expenditure - food, bills, holidays, meals out together etc - comes out of that. We then have our own spending money - slightly differing amounts as we don't earn the same (I've always earned more until recently).

As for heating, just stick it on!

(My DH has no clue how it works so it's in my control ha ha!)

We earn a similar amount so we have a joint account that all our household bills come out of, plus enough to cover food shopping.

We pay in 50% each, and whatever we have left in our personal accounts is ours to spend.

We also both put the same into joint savings each month.

If one of us earned significantly more we’d do it proportionately but we don’t.

@Grandeur definitely chilly enough for heating up north now. It's regularly in single figures overnight. I've just been sat at my laptop for a couple of hours with 2 pairs of fluffy socks, a hoodie and hooded blanket and I'm freezing.

We have a joint account for shared bills and our own accounts for spending money and individual bills. We worked out how much our joint bills cost and both contribute equally to the joint account to cover that plus an extra £100 each as a safety net. The rest is our own to manage how we each see fit. I use a monzo for spending money and my main bank account for my personal bills. You both need to sit down together, go through your statements for the last 4 months and see what you're actually spending on various things. Dh probably hasn't realised how much those lunches and nights out total to. Then you can set budgets, agree together where you can cut back and try and put a bit away for a rainy day where you can. But first step is talking to him about it

Switch it on !

central Scotland here currently have my oodie and blankie on the couch. DH permanently WFH and I’ve made
it clear if he needs it put the heating on(I could see him braving it out) we’ve had it on a few times already.

as for finance, everything goes into the joint account, bills are paid and we use what’s left. What is your set up op? Especially since he has so much control of when you use your heating

I WFH and I have one of those standalone oil heaters for my office, so I'm not heating the whole house.

No fucking way would I be working and using a hot water bottle. That's ridiculous.

And put the heating on if you want. He's not your boss.

OP, you haven't said why you don't just put the heating on.

Are you scared of him?

I think it's irrelevant how other people do it, it just needs to be 1. Fair to both parties 2. Flexible so that if one of you is ill and can't work or one gets a bonus or massive promotion then it doesnt lead to resentment 3. Any decisions on spending are made jointly and a compromise is made where you disagree.

It's the last bit I think is not fair at the moment. You want the heating on, he wants it off...but goes and spends money on things that are less essential than keeping warm. Why is it his choice? Its miserable being cold, why is he happy to leave you in the cold when you can clearly afford heating? You have compromised, by not turning it on as soon as you wanted to, and by putting on extra clothing and other ways to keep.warm. how has he compromised? It all seems very 'I'm alright and dont feel the cold, so sod you'

You dont need his permission to put the heating on

We are married and have a joint account. All incomings and outgoings go through this account. We have different "pots" as we call them 😅 we each have our own "allowance" for the month - we can use it for whatever we want: Dinner with a friend, a new book, cinema etc, if we want to go over we let each other know (hasn't happened yet - we've only started this system recently since having kids) and see if it's possible. We also have a family pot - that's for museum, zoo trips, a McDonald's together etc. It's working so far but the key is to divide it up fairly, and if your pot runs out - we wait until next month. This is mainly so we have enough to put some money in savings which is important to us right now.

In your case, it sounds like your husband is being very selfish. Heating is far more important than buying rounds of drinks for other people 🙄 especially if he's just going out and spending whatever he likes.

I do ask DP before putting heating up or down - but only out of concern for his comfort - not for permission. If he's out it's off - I'm always warm. He's downstairs with heating on, and I'm writing this in the bedroom, with windows open, wearing t-shirt and knickers 🥵

you should pay the same percentage of your wages perhaps into a joint fund, or better still both pay an amount ( him more on the higher wage) so that you both have the same amount left to spend on what you want. He will already be paying higher pension contributions for his nice bigger pension pot than you will get.

100%

And I’m the one in the relationship walking around with a hot water bottle and 3 jumpers!

He's a hypocrite

I WFH too. I'm already wearing boot slippers and 2 jumpers. I get so cold sitting at a desk all day. He is being really unreasonable and he is not your boss.

I honestly don't know how anyone lives with someone , let alone had a child, without a joint account for bills.

Work out all bills, and that includes child presents, holidays etc. Then Work out how much is left after cost's.

Keep the sam amount of money in individual accounts to spend on whatever you like.

Everything else goes in joint account.

Im in Scotland too tbh it’s freezing sitting still working from home. Fine when you’re moving around like on the dog walk. I light the wood stove or if I’m busy a little infra red heater it’s only 300w so runs 9-5 for under.a quid and I’m willing to pay that to be warm. I find it hard to focus when I’m cold.

Seriously ? So he can go out to lunch (not even just buy lunch, but go out to lunch) buy rounds of drinks after work, but she can't put the heating on in her isn home???

he can GTF.

and I haven't had the heating on yet either, but that's really not the point.