Husband won’t turn the heating on, but goes on a massive night out

[Willywonkamum]

Cost of living crisis, soaring energy bills..you know the score. DH is very much of the “put on another jumper” type (ps I’m already wearing one, thick socks and slippers in the house, on occasion a jacket), all on the pretence that we need to be cautious with bills etc. but I feel like this is the only area of his life he is frugal with, meanwhile he pays for rounds of drinks after work, going out for lunch everyday when working in the office, whilst I suppose my work doesn’t have that culture. I suppose my argument is, well maybe if you didn’t spend all that money on beers/took a pack lunch to work every once in a while then we could put the heating on, so that I’m not sitting working from home with a hot water bottle. Please feel free to tell me I am being unreasonable but I just don’t feel we are aligned on the financial priorities….what do I do?

Yes, we jointly discuss and agree our budget with annual, monthly and weekly figures. Currently most of our money comes from DH’s pensions but he wouldn’t dream of suggesting that means he’s entitled to more disposable income.

However, DH is Scottish and definitely doesn’t feel the cold as much as I do so we do argue about what temperature the rooms need to be. I’ve resolved this to my satisfaction by having the wood burning stove on in the sunroom where I sit during the winter months and an electric blanket with dual controls so my side is toasty. 😂 (We’ve not had any heating on yet as it’s still mild here.)

Make sure you are getting just as much spending money and save it for your own use. And put the heating on and tell him to shove it.

@Willywonkamum

both put all your income in the joint account, except for an agreed equal amount And his lunches & drink etc comes out of his retained spends

I'm all for woolly socks and extra layers (for the environment as much as the ££&) but I'll put the heating on in my home when I want it on. Mr Spendy at the pub & hus nice warm
iffice/restaurant can GTF.

I'm in the SE of England where it's generally fairly warm compared to a lot of Britain.

I'm sitting in my living room wearing a thermal vest, a light woollen long sleeved jumper with another jumper on top and a chunky cardigan on top of that, oh and thickish socks.

I got fed up and turned the heating on about an hour ago because I'm cold.

Different people have different tolerance to the cold.

The OP's husband is wrong.

If the OP is cold she needs to turn the heating on. And he needs to stop wasting money on booze and lunches.

We split proportionally to how much we earn. Worked out what we had to pay out for food, bills and mortgage etc. basically anything shared including travel. Have a joint account, husband pays in 60% and I pay in 40% as I earn less. Means we both have about the same amount of “fun” money a money but everything is covered. I’d turn the heating on and sod him!

In short: yes!

We have a joint account and we both have our own personal spends as well (if my husband wants to spend his personal cash on lunches out and rounds of drinks that's up to him, and what I spend mine on is up to me!)

BUT

The money for personal spends is after all the essentials (and I'd include heating in that!) are taken care of.

So we have a spreadsheet that is updated periodically (more regularly now costs are rising so fast!) that covers mortgage, bills, childcare, food, children's bits (clubs, activities, clothes, etc) and a bit of a buffer for coffees/ice creams out as a family... Then we pay into the joint account to cover that and we both have the same amount of cash left each month to spend as we wish. So no resentment!

Interested to know where you live? Our heating has been on in the morning and evening for a couple of weeks now. We are definitely wearing clothes for colder weather.

Just put it on he can't stop you.

@Grandeur where pray tell do you live? The OP lives in Scotland. In other words, tell us you have a small parochial outlook without telling us you have a small parochial outlook

Don't be so bloody arrogant as to tell another adult whether they are cold or not.

My daughter is disabled and fairly immobile so our heating is on, my best friend has cancer and her heating is on and my other friend is recovering from a heart attack and feels permanently cold so her heating is on.

You don't know the OP's circumstances so you can't possibly comment on whether she's cold and needs her heating on, you can only say with certainty you don't.

YANBU. My husband and I only have a joint account. Both our wages go into it. He spends hardly anything and I spend lots. He doesn't complain.

I am always cold and he is always too warm, even in depths of winter. he doesnt like the heating on cos he says it makes the house too hot. He only occasionally bans me from putting the heating on cos he thinks I'm being OTT about how cold it is.

Just put the heating on.

Do you both earn fairly equal amounts? If so then split all bills 50/50. But if either of you earn considerably more than the other then you can adjust it so that you both have some spending money for yourselves.

Telling you off about the heating then spending loads down the pub is taking the piss though.

I can't afford to put my heating on unless it's really freezing/snowing this winter but I have just laid the fire for the first time. Found a good 3km stomp also helps to warm up (when it's not raining, made that mistake yesterday!)

We have a joint account that we both pay the same amount into each month, as our salaries are more or less equal. Though he has paid more since I have been on mat leave.

All shared bills, groceries, meals, holidays are paid from this.

We agreed more than 30 years ago a minimum temp we were happy with. Thermostat is permanently set to 17.5 and we have hive heating so can control areas of the house. We never turn it off. It has come on occasionally in recent weeks in the mornings.

The heating cost ramp has made us realise that we can't cut back because we already follow the tips and are generally energy conscious and always have been.

It comes on for 2.5 hours am and pm. When it is very cold we have it on all day at weekends downstairs and in two rooms for the elderly cat. Rather than turn it up if we are relaxing we tend to light an open fire.

We have double glazing, solar panels, thick curtains, and have never been averse to putting on a jumper (or two) or turning off the lights. I usually put on the washing machine, economy cycle at bedtime and dry on an airer even in the summer because I am time poor and line drying is just another job to fit in.

To be fair when we were younger dh earnt a great deal more than me and spent as he chose. That was OK because he never questioned what I spent or questioned a bill but neither of us are the last of the big spenders.

All earnings go into joint account and we have a standing order out to our individual bank accounts for the same amount. This was DH's idea as he said we were a team and should be equal in every regard. All our clothes, treats, presents for our friends, drinks/meals out come from our the money in our individual accounts. We've never had a disagreement over money.

What's he likely to do if you put the heating on? Is he likely to just have a moan or is it more likely to turn into an argument?

I work from home and put the heating on whenever I want when hubby's at work. How would he even know I'd done it?

Just had a though, if it's really cold in the house, go out on your own and have a coffee in a warm cafe - that's no worse than him spending so much on meals and drinks.

what do I do?

You turn the heating on.

Sounds like he is more concerned with public image than your comfort. Tight.

Yes when I was married we had a joint account for all household bills/ mortgage etc and we paid the % of what we earnt in. So say we needed £1000 a month we’d pro-rata who ever earnt more/ less

The heating goes on for a couple of hours every night here but when I'm alone I use a heated throw in the afternoon, We also have a heated pet mat for the cat during the night!
Just switch the heating on if you're cold.

There’s not a chance I’d be sitting there with my coat on whilst he was paying for lunches and big nights out. No way. Have a word!

Put the heating on! Why does he get to call the shots? He sounds like a really tight bastard. Poor you.

We split things as pays the bills I take care of the house. It works better. We each focus on one main thing and never worry about the other.

He pays the utility bills so we can use heating, i.e. be comfortable, otherwise there's no point working for 65 years if you have to worry about being uncomfortable in your own home.

Me too….. put the heating on god sake 😂

YANBU. How much does he spend on his lunches and the drinks after work?

I would tell him you both need to sit down together and agree on a budget and if he doesn’t agree then put the amount he spends into a savings account in your name.