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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband won’t turn the heating on, but goes on a massive night out

244 replies

Willywonkamum · 08/10/2022 13:36

Cost of living crisis, soaring energy bills..you know the score. DH is very much of the “put on another jumper” type (ps I’m already wearing one, thick socks and slippers in the house, on occasion a jacket), all on the pretence that we need to be cautious with bills etc. but I feel like this is the only area of his life he is frugal with, meanwhile he pays for rounds of drinks after work, going out for lunch everyday when working in the office, whilst I suppose my work doesn’t have that culture. I suppose my argument is, well maybe if you didn’t spend all that money on beers/took a pack lunch to work every once in a while then we could put the heating on, so that I’m not sitting working from home with a hot water bottle. Please feel free to tell me I am being unreasonable but I just don’t feel we are aligned on the financial priorities….what do I do?

OP posts:
Pelsall116 · 09/10/2022 20:51

So he is out spending money like a drunken sailor and expects you to sit at home freezing? Tell him to f* off and put the heating on. He is being a twat

Stars2theside · 09/10/2022 21:39

I said YABU because he doesn't get to dictate the household. If you're cold, put the heating. If he comes out with a snarky comment, be prepared with the clapback about maybe he could try taking a packed lunch to work.

Lulu49 · 09/10/2022 21:46

Turn the heating on

nannykatherine · 09/10/2022 21:51

Why is he in charge of putting heating on
I would just turn it on

reigatecastle · 09/10/2022 21:52

TheLassWiADelicateAir · 08/10/2022 19:48

My goodness what bizarre comments. I've always taken the attitude of put more clothes on, not put on the heating. Not sure why that offends so many of you or why you think the rude comments were justified.

Up to you of course, carry on not caring a fig about global warming and I hope you're looking forward to your sky high energy bills.

Yes I thought the same.

The fact that the OP's not so DH wastes money on other things isn't really relevant when it comes to wasting power. One doesn't make the other ok.

ThistleTits · 09/10/2022 22:24

Grandeur · 08/10/2022 13:47

It's only early October. I highly doubt you're sat there with thick socks, thick jumpers, slippers and hot water bottles while still being cold enough to need the heating on. Do you have a medical problem?

I'm on your husbands side here.

Depends on where you live. Some places are considerably colder than others. I am sitting with a heated throw on, my choice, due to budget constraints.

ExpatAl · 09/10/2022 22:29

We always have equal spending money. So we pay an unequal amount into the joint. At the moment I pay much more but before it was him. On big bill months we might have very little free spending each. Still, I’m grateful to be working in a country that links salary to inflation.
We agree when we need to put heating
on but it sounds like your other half has a different opinion, not surprising as he’s been on the move and comes in the house maybe wearing a coat, but pretty childish. If you are cold put the heating on.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 09/10/2022 22:43

UWhatNow · 08/10/2022 17:02

This.

Why a grown ass adult woman needs permission from a man to put the heating on is beyond me. Is this a Scottish thing?

Show quote history

Oh yes. Allll Scottish women wait for the husband to turn on the heating
🧐

VeronicaFranklin · 09/10/2022 23:42

Willywonkamum · 08/10/2022 13:36

Cost of living crisis, soaring energy bills..you know the score. DH is very much of the “put on another jumper” type (ps I’m already wearing one, thick socks and slippers in the house, on occasion a jacket), all on the pretence that we need to be cautious with bills etc. but I feel like this is the only area of his life he is frugal with, meanwhile he pays for rounds of drinks after work, going out for lunch everyday when working in the office, whilst I suppose my work doesn’t have that culture. I suppose my argument is, well maybe if you didn’t spend all that money on beers/took a pack lunch to work every once in a while then we could put the heating on, so that I’m not sitting working from home with a hot water bottle. Please feel free to tell me I am being unreasonable but I just don’t feel we are aligned on the financial priorities….what do I do?

Put the heating on.

If you also earn and contribute to the bills then why is it only on his say so that you can put it on?

Honestly this cost of living crisis... it is awful to think how much more everything is going to cost us all compared to before and I truly feel for those on low incomes, the elderly, disabled and working families genuinely struggling to make ends meet.

(I'm from household where both me and DH work full time, I'm on mat leave currently as we have a 4 month old baby so I worry about the heating bills etc) but I'm also a realist in that we will have to drop our fortnightly takeaway to put towards heating, we shop for our clothes now on Vinted second hand and we have swapped out some of our food shopping branded items for supermarkets own.

But there's also a hell of a lot of people who spend a fortune on Starbucks every day without batting an eyelid, or as you say pay for rounds of expensive drinks on nights out, or new clothes every month. For a lot of people it's a change to their lifestyle this will affect with less freedom to spend as they wish and that's the sacrifice they'll have to make if they want to put the heating on!

Mumkins42 · 10/10/2022 06:56

Is this the 1950s? Come on, you shouldn't even be asking us this. Switch the bloody heating on

TooHotToTangoToo · 10/10/2022 07:17

Just switch the heating in. If he says anything just say 'I'm an adult and this is my home too, if I want the heating in then I'll put the heating on' if he starts to mention money then, tell him you'll happily sit down and budget with him, but this also means discussing his expensive night out.

Weebleonaworkout · 10/10/2022 07:35

I've just read thart based on a 24kw boiler you xan expext to pay £1.12 per hour for mains gas heating (I think I've read to correctly). Therefore, having heating on for 4hrs is cheaper than a pint of lager. However, you could buy one of those oil filled rads and plug that in your room then you'll only be heating that one room rather than the whole house. Either way, I'd be having heating on. If he goes out with 3 mates and buys a round of drinks you'll have 16hrs heating to balance the finances 😆

Islandgirl68 · 10/10/2022 08:54

Got in the car 8am in Edinburgh and it was eight degrees, today. Gets colder the further north you go.

GasPanic · 10/10/2022 09:02

Depends what "putting the heating on" actually means.

If it means keeping your wfh room at a sensible (20 degree temperature) with an electric heater while you are working then HIBU.

If it means turning the thermostat up to 25 degrees and putting the gas boiler on full power for 8 hours a day while you sit in a room in a t-shirt and shorts then YABU.

Also, don't underestimate the career benefits of the working lunch.

Itloggedmeoutagain · 10/10/2022 09:11

Why is it his decision?

GasPanic · 10/10/2022 09:11

Weebleonaworkout · 10/10/2022 07:35

I've just read thart based on a 24kw boiler you xan expext to pay £1.12 per hour for mains gas heating (I think I've read to correctly). Therefore, having heating on for 4hrs is cheaper than a pint of lager. However, you could buy one of those oil filled rads and plug that in your room then you'll only be heating that one room rather than the whole house. Either way, I'd be having heating on. If he goes out with 3 mates and buys a round of drinks you'll have 16hrs heating to balance the finances 😆

A 24KW boiler will use 24KwH of energy in one hour.

If the gas price cap is 10p per KwH, then it will cost £2.40 per hour to run (0.1 x 24).

Of course, if you turn on a 24KwH boiler, it may not run at 24Kw for the full hour (some have a soft start and obviously if it is thermostated then it will turn off then).

Robin2008 · 10/10/2022 10:12

What do you do now? You put the heating on, that's what.

Alibongo0001 · 10/10/2022 10:19

Erm… I work from home, and my house is often colder than outside. It’s only October, yes, but I too am Sat wearing thick socks, and a jumper. This afternoon I will get the heated wheat pad and hot vimto out.

I even boost my heating for an hour in the morning to take the chill off.

unless you’re sat in the OPs house, not sure you can question how close it is.

Istolethecookies · 10/10/2022 10:28

Put the heating on! Is he sat cold at work wearing two jumpers clinging to a hot water bottle? If it’s your home too, you have as much right to decide when you put the heating on….

IndysMamaRex · 10/10/2022 10:33

Tell him simply that he is not the one working at home & is already enjoying the comfort of a heated office. You expect the same. Turn it on, if your cold your cold. If he is worried about finances then he can easily cut back on unnecessary spending e.g. buying rounds of drink & lunches out.

Gillume · 10/10/2022 10:36

Put the heating on!

Your cold you live in a Scotland put the heating on!

bringbacksideburns · 10/10/2022 10:39

I’m struggling to understand his logic here. Buys lunch every day yet controls the heating of a house he’s not working in?

Ihatemyroad · 10/10/2022 10:41

This would be a HUGE problem for me!

So in front of work colleagues and friends he plays the generous and fun ‘mate’ and yet you’re having to WFH with a hot water bottle???

Put the heating on!!

If he complains when the gas bill
comes in tell him he’ll have to cut back on his absolutely not essential lunches/after work drinks!

Renalmum · 10/10/2022 10:53

All monies go into joint for household and family expences and then we get pocket money. I'm also in Scotland and presently have heating on. It's 11 degrees so tropical , maybe I should switch it off 🤔

FiveShelties · 10/10/2022 11:03

All income was added together, bills/savings/pensions etc were deducted and we shared what was left.

When we met my husband earned most, then he started his own business so I earned more in the early days etc etc. We are an equal partnership, we earn money, pay bills and share what is left - in my view it is the only fair way.