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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband woke me up with 5.30 alarm so he could do a work out!

414 replies

RooksAndRavens · 07/10/2022 07:20

Dh doesn't work on a Friday. He looks after the dcs, aged 1 and 4. I'm a part time teacher and work on a Friday. My alarm is set for 6.55am and dcs wake up naturally around then too.
Dh has got it in his head that he wants to get up early every morning to do a work out or go for a run. But at 5.30am this morning, his stupid loud alarm went off and woke me up and I couldn't get back to sleep.
I think this is really selfish and unfair of him. I'm the one with a demanding job today and need all the sleep I can get. Dc2 is still in our room and has an awful cough at the moment so that's made sleep difficult this week. And I've been struggling with anxiety badly too recently and obviously that has a knock on effect to sleep.

I told dh that he was being unfair but he said that I was awake anyway (absolutely not true) and that most people are up before I get up anyway. He's also just said hoe much better he feels for doing his exercise routine early this morning... that's great, but he won't be teaching thirty 5 year olds today! I feel so exhausted already.

Am I being totally unreasonable here?

OP posts:
hangryorhungry · 07/10/2022 07:23

Tricky one- my DH does this mostly to fit in exercise before full on work day.. it infuriates me more when he sets the alarm but then can't face doing the exercise so snoozes it for another hour - whilst I'm wide awake Angry

DDivaStar · 07/10/2022 07:24

He needs a different alarm.

If he wants to get up early that's fine but you shouldn't be woken up for no reason.

My h gets up earlier than me, his alarm is on vibrate under his pillow.....

TigerRag · 07/10/2022 07:24

He needs to get an alarm that vibrates so he shouldn't disturb you as much.

KangarooKenny · 07/10/2022 07:24

Can he sleep somewhere else ?

maddening · 07/10/2022 07:24

One of you could sleep in another room on a Thursday night?

Clymene · 07/10/2022 07:25

Clearly he doesn't want to look after the children on Friday. What a selfish arsehole. And yoor husband is even worse @hangryorhungry

mrsm43s · 07/10/2022 07:26

I can see why it's annoying, but you can't dictate what time he's allowed to get up. It's not unreasonable for him to get up early to do a workout.

(Obviously this is all assuming he switched the alarm off when it went off, got out of bed and got ready quietly and considerately.)

Pepperama · 07/10/2022 07:26

It’d be so furious - and say ‘fine, but next time sleep on the sofa if you’re going to put your alarm on for ridiculous o’clock’.

TLIMSISNW · 07/10/2022 07:26

YABU. If he didn’t get up at that time the. He wouldn’t be able to exercise at all as he’s home with the DC all day. (Unless he could go when you get back from work?) I find that exercise is so important for physical and mental health so am always happy for DH to exercise and likewise, he is happy for me to.

To be honest I get up around 5:30/6am anyway so it’s not an totally unreasonable time to start your day.

InFiveMins · 07/10/2022 07:27

YANBU. It's really selfish behaviour, he needs to have a vibrating alarm or sleep elsewhere from now on, on the couch if needs be. And make sure you tell him even when he does sleep elsewhere or has a vibrating alarm that he needs to get ready silently so as not to disturb you all.

EightChalk · 07/10/2022 07:29

YANBU. If he wants to get up earlier, he can sleep somewhere else. Other people needing less sleep/usually getting up at that time are completely irrelevant if you need the amount you were expecting. It really annoys me when posters say

GrabMyParaplu · 07/10/2022 07:29

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Midnights · 07/10/2022 07:30

I mean you're both the one with demanding jobs today, not just you!

I think YAB slightly U - if he wants to get up to exercise before having a day with the DC, it shouldn't be a problem. Furious seems like a huge over reaction!

It would be better for him to get a vibrating or slightly quieter alarm though if it's a regular thing.

RainbowSlide · 07/10/2022 07:30

Nope not acceptable. As other posters have said, he needs to get a vibrate alarm or sleep elsewhere that night. My dh once asked me to put my alarm on for 4am (for an early work trip he had) as he didn't like to keep his phone next to his bed. You better believe i told him no!

Its your dhs choice to get up early, fine, but he doesn't get to let that impact on your sleep.

Yanbu

NightmareSlashDelightful · 07/10/2022 07:31

I think YAB a bit U to be honest. But I think it’s not really about him and his alarm — you need to tackle the anxiety if you want better quality sleep.

EightChalk · 07/10/2022 07:31

Oops, pressed post too soon! When posters say "well I only need 6 hours sleep/ am up by 5" etc as if that has anything to do with the situation. The amount of sleep you need isn't a choice, and sleep deprivation has consequences.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 07/10/2022 07:31

It’s annoying but I would see sometimes being disturbed when the other one gets up or goes to bed as part and parcel of sharing a room/ bed with another person. He shouldn’t have to lie in bed until the time you get up if he wants to get up early and it’s reasonable that he wants to set time aside before the kids wake up to work out.

I would ask him if he can change to an alarm which is quieter and on vibrate and put it under his pillow so that it’s less likely to disturb you, but he is not unreasonable to want to get up when he wants. If you can’t get back to sleep after being woken up that is your problem to try and resolve; it sounds like it’s your anger and resentment keeping you awake as most people would just roll over and go back to sleep. If you stop seeing his behaviour as selfish but see it as reasonable it will likely anger you less and you’ll be able to go back to sleep.

DappledThings · 07/10/2022 07:31

YANBU. I have a 5.30 alarm once a week to go swimming before work. It is right next to me and I wake up the instant it goes off then I creep around till I leave the room. Anything else would be really selfish.

5zeds · 07/10/2022 07:31

So get an alarm that doesn’t wake you?

WalkingOnSonshine · 07/10/2022 07:32

If he has a Fitbit/other wrist tracker, get him to set the alarm on that instead.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/10/2022 07:32

He needs a fitbit or some other such thing that'll vibrate on his wrist, wake him up and also give him some extra data about fitness to occupy him (and bore you back to sleep at the weekend because he's going on about his step count whilst looking after DC).

EarringsandLipstick · 07/10/2022 07:33

Am I being totally unreasonable here?

Yes. I get up at that time to exercise so that's perfectly reasonable. You say his very noisy alarm woke you - if that's true, that's not ok. But what alarm was that noisy? Are you sure it isn't just his phone alarm?

It goes without saying that he needs to get up quickly & quietly when his alarm goes.

Sagittarius25 · 07/10/2022 07:33

I think being furious is a bit of an over reaction. It's good he wants to take time to take care of his health before looking after DC. But similarly you obviously need a good sleep before work.

Ask him to change the alarm sound and turn it down a bit. Me and DH have always had different alarm sounds and we often sleep through each others alarm. It's amazing how quickly your brain learns only to properly wake at your own alarm sound.

girlmom21 · 07/10/2022 07:33

I think YABU. He's fitting his workout around his childcare responsibilities.

I'm impressed you manage to get up at 7am and out to work to be fair

girlmom21 · 07/10/2022 07:34

Clymene · 07/10/2022 07:25

Clearly he doesn't want to look after the children on Friday. What a selfish arsehole. And yoor husband is even worse @hangryorhungry

How have you worked that out? He's exercising before they wake up?

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