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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband woke me up with 5.30 alarm so he could do a work out!

414 replies

RooksAndRavens · 07/10/2022 07:20

Dh doesn't work on a Friday. He looks after the dcs, aged 1 and 4. I'm a part time teacher and work on a Friday. My alarm is set for 6.55am and dcs wake up naturally around then too.
Dh has got it in his head that he wants to get up early every morning to do a work out or go for a run. But at 5.30am this morning, his stupid loud alarm went off and woke me up and I couldn't get back to sleep.
I think this is really selfish and unfair of him. I'm the one with a demanding job today and need all the sleep I can get. Dc2 is still in our room and has an awful cough at the moment so that's made sleep difficult this week. And I've been struggling with anxiety badly too recently and obviously that has a knock on effect to sleep.

I told dh that he was being unfair but he said that I was awake anyway (absolutely not true) and that most people are up before I get up anyway. He's also just said hoe much better he feels for doing his exercise routine early this morning... that's great, but he won't be teaching thirty 5 year olds today! I feel so exhausted already.

Am I being totally unreasonable here?

OP posts:
Clymene · 07/10/2022 08:08

CatchersAndDreams · 07/10/2022 07:55

I'm sure it is annoying. All I can think is thank fuck I'm single and can set my alarm for whatever time I want without anyone grumbling at me if I want to get up early and workout. I don't get up early and work out but it's nice being able tl do so if I wanted.

Yes that is indeed the joy of being single. Marriage and children involves a lot of compromise

AndTwoFilmsByFrancoisTruffaut · 07/10/2022 08:10

CatchersAndDreams · 07/10/2022 07:55

I'm sure it is annoying. All I can think is thank fuck I'm single and can set my alarm for whatever time I want without anyone grumbling at me if I want to get up early and workout. I don't get up early and work out but it's nice being able tl do so if I wanted.

Err, well done for being single then Confused

there are some really random posters out today offering a wealth of insightful and helpful input 🙄

rosael56 · 07/10/2022 08:10

Yep as many others have said, he needs a Fitbit/smartwatch that has a wrist vibrate alarm function. Lifesaver! My DP has one. You can't hear it at all.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 07/10/2022 08:10

I get up at that time to exercise so that's perfectly reasonable

Seriously?

If you got up at 3am would that be perfectly reasonable too?

Most of us don't get up at 5:30. Anyone who does needs to do it very quietly.

Heysnuggee · 07/10/2022 08:12

He isn't unreasonable for getting up early to do a workout seen as though it's probably the one chance he will get to do it. If the alarm wakes you up as well though then he should explore other options. It sounds like you both have a demanding day ahead for different reasons, for me exercise helps my mental health ten fold maybe its the same for him.

Heysnuggee · 07/10/2022 08:13

I will echo was PPs have said though, the most infuriating thing is when someone sets an alarm and then snoozes and goes back to sleep once it's woken you up!

Helpmewithteen · 07/10/2022 08:14

Op, I feel your pain. My husband loves to get up and go to the gym in the morning. He sets his alarm for 5.20am, whilst mine is set for 6.45am.

The first week he went I had literal brain pain from sleep deprivation. I was so tired and miserable. In the end we argued over it.

The second week he used his watch to wake him with its vibrate setting. He made sure all of his gym stuff was downstairs and even put his toothbrush in the downstairs bathroom. All he had to do when his watch went off was quietly leave the bed/bedroom. I didn’t even notice he’d gone, or I’d wake briefly and fall back asleep.

Getting up that early lasted about a month in the end.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 07/10/2022 08:16

My EX used to do this. Note: he's an EX. I had an emergency c-section and was desperate for sleep. He still set alarm. There are many reasons I kicked him out but the sleep deprivation was right up there at the top of the list.

fellrunner85 · 07/10/2022 08:17

Fair play to the DH who is getting up at 5.30am to work out before looking after two young kids all day.
If this was the other way round, and a bloke who was lying in until 7am before going off to work, was complaining about a SAHM who got up to go running before having an ill baby and a 4yo for the day, the responses would be very different.
Clearly he should get a quieter alarm, and should get up and out as quickly and quietly as he can. But you're massively overreacting here.

Nizanb · 07/10/2022 08:18

How is he supposed to get up at the time he wants to in the morning without an alarm? I've never understood why people can't go back to sleep after waking up.

Nizanb · 07/10/2022 08:19

If this was the other way round, and a bloke who was lying in until 7am

7am isn't a lie in!

EarringsandLipstick · 07/10/2022 08:19

TheYearOfSmallThings · 07/10/2022 08:10

I get up at that time to exercise so that's perfectly reasonable

Seriously?

If you got up at 3am would that be perfectly reasonable too?

Most of us don't get up at 5:30. Anyone who does needs to do it very quietly.

It was meant as an example of it being reasonably standard practice to exercise at that time, as indicated by others on the thread as well.

And yes, he should be quiet doing it.

OP was suggesting in her OP he was unreasonable for getting up to exercise then. He isn't, once he's considerate.

weaselish · 07/10/2022 08:20

My husband gets up at 5.30 every day, I don't need to get up til 6.30. It's annoying but not much I can do - his alarm has to go off, he has to get ready etc - he isn't deliverable loud but it does wake me. That's just life when you share a room.

pd339 · 07/10/2022 08:23

You sound a bit self important and precious to me.

Nizanb · 07/10/2022 08:24

Maybe we are just deep sleepers, but even when DD is in bed asleep next to me (co-sleep), my phone alarm doesn't wake up her up (even if I keep snoozing it and it keeps going off every 5 minutes because bleurgh mornings are the worst thing).

I suppose he could try a wrist vibrate alarm. I don't think that would wake me up personally but it's worth a try ?

girlmom21 · 07/10/2022 08:24

Nizanb · 07/10/2022 08:19

If this was the other way round, and a bloke who was lying in until 7am

7am isn't a lie in!

It is when you've got a 1 year old and a 4 year old!

Clymene · 07/10/2022 08:25

Nizanb · 07/10/2022 08:18

How is he supposed to get up at the time he wants to in the morning without an alarm? I've never understood why people can't go back to sleep after waking up.

I'm sorry you lack imagination. It must be very difficult for you

Nizanb · 07/10/2022 08:26

It is when you've got a 1 year old and a 4 year old

Maybe for some. My DD was never one to be up early. At 4 she would certainly never be up before 8am naturally. That said, I remember my cousin was one of those kids that would be wife awake at 6am 😩

Nizanb · 07/10/2022 08:28

I'm sorry you lack imagination. It must be very difficult for you

Obviously I'm aware these people exist, I'm just saying I don't understand how it works like what the mechanism is that keeps someone awake after they wake up, that's all. Is there a certain chemical that maybe is activated in the brain that makes it harder to go back to sleep? That's what I meant by don't understand how.

Hollyhead · 07/10/2022 08:28

You’re not being unreasonable but I am amazed at how late you get up on a work day as a teacher with DC! Most teachers with DC I know are up by 6.

CatchersAndDreams · 07/10/2022 08:31

@Hollyhead I thought that. If you WFH you can sleep later but when I have to be in the office for 8.30 there's no way a 7am alarm would cut it.

Ponoka7 · 07/10/2022 08:32

My bf is up at 5.30, he leaves for work at 6.30. He doesn't disturb me at all. As said his alarm was a vibrate one, now he usually wakes up a bit before it and then is thoughtfully quiet. It's about him being considerate.

butterpuffed · 07/10/2022 08:32

What is wrong , OP , with you asking him to use a vibrate alarm under the pillow ? That would sort the problem immediately 🙄

Nottodaty · 07/10/2022 08:35

I’m not a morning person & alarm like that would pretty much put me in a grump for the day! My husband wears his watch if he has an early start it vibrates to wake him up :)

Olivetreebutter · 07/10/2022 08:35

We both have alarms that go off at different times on different days - the days I get a lie in DH gets up early and vice versa. It's frustrating but at the same makes sense (ie. In your case, you're at work so he's looking after the kids on Friday hence he has to get up early to exercise or he won't have the chance).
We just accept it as part and parcel of us working around each other.

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