Husband woke me up with 5.30 alarm so he could do a work out!

[RooksAndRavens]

Dh doesn't work on a Friday. He looks after the dcs, aged 1 and 4. I'm a part time teacher and work on a Friday. My alarm is set for 6.55am and dcs wake up naturally around then too.
Dh has got it in his head that he wants to get up early every morning to do a work out or go for a run. But at 5.30am this morning, his stupid loud alarm went off and woke me up and I couldn't get back to sleep.
I think this is really selfish and unfair of him. I'm the one with a demanding job today and need all the sleep I can get. Dc2 is still in our room and has an awful cough at the moment so that's made sleep difficult this week. And I've been struggling with anxiety badly too recently and obviously that has a knock on effect to sleep.

I told dh that he was being unfair but he said that I was awake anyway (absolutely not true) and that most people are up before I get up anyway. He's also just said hoe much better he feels for doing his exercise routine early this morning... that's great, but he won't be teaching thirty 5 year olds today! I feel so exhausted already.

Am I being totally unreasonable here?

[TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination]

@hangryorhungry

Tricky one- my DH does this mostly to fit in exercise before full on work day.. it infuriates me more when he sets the alarm but then can't face doing the exercise so snoozes it for another hour - whilst I'm wide awake

yep! That was an ongoing row with an ex too. I don't sleep well, never have, so being woken up when I was asleep was bad enough, but being woken up for him not to do the thing (usually running) that it was set for really really really pissed me off.

That was in the dark ages when we didn't have watched & phones with quiet alarms & vibrate options.

no way I'd tolerate it at all these days.

@RooksAndRavens why can't he just use the vibrate option on his watch/phone??

[christmastreewithhairyfairy]

Yanbu at all! Sleep is sacrosanct, I'd really struggle if I lost 90 mins. Great that he's fitting in exercise but he needs to find a way to not wake you up

[PureBlackVoid]

And it's always men who have loud alarms.

No it’s not😂

[LaraLei]

I set my alarm for 5:30 every morning including weekends to do workouts. I don’t have it on loud, but actually hadn’t thought of a vibrating one so that’s a good idea. My alarm sometimes wakes DH, but I consider my workout as important as his sleep and he has never complained about it.

[billy1966]

Really selfish of him.

Not kind.


Bet this behaviour is not in isolation it rarely is.

Usually part of a pattern.

[Herejustforthisone]

I consider my workout as important as his sleep

I wonder what he thinks about it. Just use a vibration alarm and stop being selfish. Jesus.

[TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination]

@Nizanb

How is he supposed to get up at the time he wants to in the morning without an alarm? I've never understood why people can't go back to sleep after waking up.

I don't know why? My brain is just too busy once it's eoken
up, it's bad enough when I wake naturally, but being woken up I suppose it's part way through a sleep cycle.

if I'm woken up actually in the night, I'm just the same & rarely can get back to sleep.

it's like I have one set of the hormones or whatever it is that makes you go to sleep & once they're used, that's it for the night!

I don't understand it either (as I'm bloody tired) but it is what it is.

[Rocketclub]

@KangarooKenny

Can he sleep somewhere else ?

This preferably another house. Sleep is non negotiable.

mine used to wake me up at 4/5 am before he went for a bike ride and didn’t give a shit about me or the children or waking the whole house up - it was a big enough house that he could of slept elsewhere but he was a bit like it’s my house and if I want to sing along to the radio etc no problems

he lives alone now!!

[Musti]

Neither of you abu so you need to find a solution.

[TwoWrightFeet]

He’s trying to stay healthy. You sound very controlling. Can you sleep elsewhere so he doesn’t get an earful each time he gets up early?

[jetadore]

Set your alarm at 5.30 on another day and see how he likes it

[Natsku]

@Nizanb

How is he supposed to get up at the time he wants to in the morning without an alarm? I've never understood why people can't go back to sleep after waking up.

By using a vibrating alarm that doesn't wake anyone else up.
Some people have sleep issues and can't fall back asleep after waking up, I can sometimes but a lot of the time I can't if I wake up too much (and if there's any light at all then I definitely can't wake up, so I have to use an eyemask when sleeping, and ear plugs so I don't get woken up by the sound of OH getting up ridiculously early)

[NormalNans]

I get up at that time to exercise because if I don’t I can’t fit it in and if I don’t exercise daily my physical and mental health suffers.

On the other hand DH often comes to bed later than me as I get up so early and he wakes me when he comes to bed. All part and parcel of sharing a room.

He does need a more appropriate alarm though.

[marcopront]

@Clymene

Because he has set a loud alarm that is likely to wake them all up @5zeds

It's the sort of behaviour men indulge in to punish their wives. And it's always men who have loud alarms. Women creep about if they have to get up early

Clymene
Clearly he doesn't want to look after the children on Friday. What a selfish arsehole. And yoor husband is even worse @hangryorhungry

How have you worked that out? He's exercising before they wake up?

I am really intrigued by this.

The evidence he doesn't want to look after the children is, he woke them up early.

Surely if he didn't want to deal with them he would want them to sleep later and not be tired.

[Jibo]

YANBU. Who goes to bed first? Next Thursday night stay up and when he's asleep either change the alarm to vibrate or put the phone in the car!

[IncompleteSenten]

YABU
I get up at 3am after staying up until 2am then I go to work lifting ten ton boulders for 12 hours so nobody should need more sleep than me because I would be fine with it.

🙄

He's being unreasonable. He needs to get up without disturbing you.

[Darbs76]

you are over reacting.

[Belladonnamama]

My DH alarm goes of at 5.30am Monday to Friday for work. He snoozes it four times. Its annoying. I'm generally awake as I go to bed early and 5am is my natural waking waking time. DH would sleep through any alarm so I give him a not so gentle nudge to get up.

[Playthegamebwah]

This doesn’t have to be a big deal, he just needs to sleep somewhere else if he wants to get up so early. My partner works shifts and if they get very different to mine we sleep seperately so we can both get sleep we need.

[silverbubbles]

He should not be waking the child that sleeps in your room up at that time.

Its these sort of 'differences' in routines and habits that have resulted in my husband and I having separate rooms.

[WahineToa]

Am I being totally unreasonable here?

Yeah, a bit. This is part of sharing a room with someone. Exercise is important and it’s fair enough he wants to get it in, I used to get up then for exercise. Discuss a different alarm but that’s it, it’s really not a huge deal at all. Partners often get sucked into the ‘I’ve got a harder day/job/life’ than you mentality in order to dictate home life schedules. Try not to. You only work part time, so you have time off too. The man just wants to get a workout in! Work with him and respect the fact he has a busy week too and is allowed his own priorities. It isn’t all about you.

[gannett]

Another reason separate bedrooms is such a relationship-saver.

The type of alarm wouldn't matter to me - I'd wake up if someone got into or out of the bed anyway, I'd definitely wake up to the sound of a vibration. And DP is an even lighter sleeper than me. Getting proper sleep is of top importance to both of us, but sometimes one or the other has to set a stupidly early alarm. Separate bedrooms is the only solution.

[ArseInTheCoOpWindow]

I’ve worked for 38 years. I’ve never got up at 5:30 am.

It’s not a normal time to wake up at. I’d be fucking knackered and seething.

[Sundayvibes]

Oh for goodness sake.
He’s getting up a bit earlier to fit in exercise before childcare.
He’s not going to the pub.

[Upsidedownagain]

Just ask him to put it on vibrate or turn it down a bit. It's not unreasonable for him to want to fit exercise in due to having to be with your children all day.

My alarm goes off at 6.20. My DH never seems to wake up with it and he has never complained. He doesn't set alarms usually but has done occasionally, then forgotten to turn it off for the following week, meaning I get woken on my day off or a weekend. Yes it annoys me, but only if he has left it on accidentally and doesn't really intend to get up. Otherwise it's just life- we have slightly different schedules. I often wake before my alarm anyway - nothing I can do about that.