Husband woke me up with 5.30 alarm so he could do a work out!

[RooksAndRavens]

Dh doesn't work on a Friday. He looks after the dcs, aged 1 and 4. I'm a part time teacher and work on a Friday. My alarm is set for 6.55am and dcs wake up naturally around then too.
Dh has got it in his head that he wants to get up early every morning to do a work out or go for a run. But at 5.30am this morning, his stupid loud alarm went off and woke me up and I couldn't get back to sleep.
I think this is really selfish and unfair of him. I'm the one with a demanding job today and need all the sleep I can get. Dc2 is still in our room and has an awful cough at the moment so that's made sleep difficult this week. And I've been struggling with anxiety badly too recently and obviously that has a knock on effect to sleep.

I told dh that he was being unfair but he said that I was awake anyway (absolutely not true) and that most people are up before I get up anyway. He's also just said hoe much better he feels for doing his exercise routine early this morning... that's great, but he won't be teaching thirty 5 year olds today! I feel so exhausted already.

Am I being totally unreasonable here?

[thedancingbear]

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

I’ve worked for 38 years. I’ve never got up at 5:30 am.

It’s not a normal time to wake up at. I’d be fucking knackered and seething.

I wake up at 5.30 most days.

Completely normal for some of us.

[Pixiedust1234]

Tell him he either needs a quieter alarm that doesn't wake you up (and clothes downstairs etc) or he sleeps elsewhere on those days. There's a reason sleep deprivation is a form of torture and nobody should be forced to accept torture because they are married 🙄

[Novum]

@gavinc0328

My two cents is to see if you can adapt to his lifestyle to become yours. If he is moving towards a more positive lifestyle, it's not bad you go for the same, at least give a try. Waking up at 5.30 for workout / exercise is a fruitful experience. I bet you'll love it.

I can confidently state she wouldn't. Assuming exercise means going out for a run, how would it even be possible for both to go out with young children?

[notacooldad]

Waking up at 5.30 for workout / exercise is a fruitful experience. I bet you'll love it
It is hell for me. I’ve tried so many times to do this but hate it.
07.30 is my waking up time.

[ShowOfHands]

My DH and I both get up early to exercise. He also gets up early for shift work. We rarely get up at the same time.

Exercise is important for physical and mental health. He just needs to sort out a better alarm.


All the name calling is not necessary.

(And I teach classes of 30+ teenagers all day every day so I get needing to be well rested)

[Knackeredandstressed]

Why doesn't he sleep in DC room thursday nights as DC is in with you, then he could set his alarm to vibrate, get up quietly and go exercise?
I love my sleep and hate to be woken up by DHs super early alarm once a week, so he sleeps in the spare room the night before (and I do the same if I have to get up earlier than him).

[ShowOfHands]

@Novum

I can confidently state she wouldn't. Assuming exercise means going out for a run, how would it even be possible for both to go out with young children?

Don't assume exercise means running. I run regularly but I also do yoga, lift weights, do aerobics, bodyweight exercises, HIIT and so on. All in the comfort of my own home.

[Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious]

@Shecrazy

YABVU thinking you're the only one with a demanding job today when he's at home looking after a 1 and 4 year old and the tiny one is ill!

This. He's got the kids all day, You aren't the only one out of you with a stressful day ahead. Just ask him to set his alarm to vibrate in future.
5:30 is a perfectly normal time to wake up. Some people like to exercise and then start the rest of their day, there's nothing wrong with that. At least he's keeping healthy.

[MossGrowsFat]

@gavinc0328

My two cents is to see if you can adapt to his lifestyle to become yours. If he is moving towards a more positive lifestyle, it's not bad you go for the same, at least give a try. Waking up at 5.30 for workout / exercise is a fruitful experience. I bet you'll love it.

Is it bollocks.

It's the sort of behaviour men indulge in to punish their wives. And it's always men who have loud alarms. Women creep about if they have to get up early

Exactly this ,it isn't the getting up it is the thoughtlessness.

[BatteryPoweredMammy]

You know he did it on purpose as a ‘fuck you’. Read him the riot act and don’t let him get away with this nonsense.

I get up first and have my alarm on my phone on silent mode so it just vibrates under my pillow. Then I get dressed in the en-suite with just the light from my phone. I wouldn’t dream of waking up my DH if I’m getting up first. DH is the same when he comes to bed later than me.

[SunThroughTheCloudsAt6am]

Nothing wrong with getting up at 5:30 - I'm up earlier than that, and my eldest tends to wake up around then - BUT, it's not compulsory (I would get up the same time as you if I could), and it's very unreasonable to use a loud alarm, or muck about so you wake up from him waffling around in the room.

[JuliaDorney]

He's being a dick.

Just very selfish.

He could work out in the evenings.

You are also being rather odd to waste your precious morning posting on MN before going off to work.

I'm not sure how you found the time TBH!

[VioletInsolence]

@EarringsandLipstick

Am I being totally unreasonable here?

Yes. I get up at that time to exercise so that's perfectly reasonable. You say his very noisy alarm woke you - if that's true, that's not ok. But what alarm was that noisy? Are you sure it isn't just his phone alarm?

It goes without saying that he needs to get up quickly & quietly when his alarm goes.

Is that how you decide whether something is reasonable? If you do it then it’s reasonable 😄

[ShowOfHands]

@BatteryPoweredMammy

You know he did it on purpose as a ‘fuck you’. Read him the riot act and don’t let him get away with this nonsense.

I get up first and have my alarm on my phone on silent mode so it just vibrates under my pillow. Then I get dressed in the en-suite with just the light from my phone. I wouldn’t dream of waking up my DH if I’m getting up first. DH is the same when he comes to bed later than me.

Blimey. The riot act? Know it was a 'fuck you'. Were you there?

All of this could be resolved with a simple conversation about alarm clocks.

Sounds like a one off. But half of MN would have you screaming at him and banning exercise or getting up at any time other than one decreed by his spouse.

[JuliaDorney]

Yes, totally this. And already I'm battling clinical anxiety, two young dcs and a stressful teaching job. Sleep deprivation just adds another layer.

Do you need to re-think your career?

It sounds as if teaching isn't really for you if you are struggling with anxiety on a limited timetable (one day a week or more) teaching early years.

I say this as a former teacher, BTW.

[RosetteNebula]

Can you sleep in separate rooms on a Thursday? DH and I sleep in separate rooms all the time and I love it. We can each get up at whatever time we want without worrying about disturbing the other.

[luxxlisbon]

Both partners are entitled to wake up whenever they want. Obviously no one should barge around the room while their partner sleeps but if it’s just the alarm and he’s up and out of the room then you just need to get over it.

[IamnotSethRogan]

Clearly he doesn't want to look after the children on Friday. What a selfish arsehole. And yoor husband is even worse @hangryorhungry

Bit of a fucking leap saying he doesn't want to look after the children. Sounds like he's taking looking after them pretty seriously by making sure he works out before they're awake.

Op, while it's annoying I actually don't think it's unreasonable. You'll have to find some sort of compromise but he is absolutely entitled to set an alarm early and exercise. My husband always sets an alarm early at the weekend to go off and do his Hobby so we just work around it.

[Nizanb]

I don't know why? My brain is just too busy once it's eoken
up, it's bad enough when I wake naturally, but being woken up I suppose it's part way through a sleep cycle.

I admit my last post sounded like I was trying to "get at" those who can't go back to sleep!

My dad was like that too. I just wonder why some can't and some can is all. I wonder if there's ever been a sleep study done on two people at the opposite ends of the spectrum to see what's going on their brain when waking, how it differs. I'd be up for taking part I think.

I can understand why he might not use a vibrate alarm though, there's no guarantee it would wake him up. However, no harm in trying! But if it doesn't wake him up, is there any other way you can compromise? Maybe he does it every other day, not every day? I don't know, it's tricky, he wants to get up early and he is entitled to do that, if he can't wake up with a vibrate alarm then of course he will use a normal alarm, it's not his fault you can't go back to sleep. At the same time, you shouldn't have to be up before you have to be.

[WonderingMum2]

This is the source of much strife in our house as I need more sleep than H. I used to get furious too but I now see an adult man has the right to get up when he wants. I sleep in the spare room half the week. I hate sharing a room, the only reason I don’t move out permanently is that the spare room is also an office and used by everyone. But you both have my sympathies (and for those of you who function on 4 hours, well done, we are all different)

[Thegroaninggurner]

My partner used to come to bed around 3am and was so loud he woke me up and couldn't get back to sleep this went on for ages before I snapped he now sleeps on the sofa!

[GottaGetOutofDairy]

A fitibit for Christmas for him. He can track his workouts and use it as a silent/vibration alarm clock.

[C8H10N4O2]

@gavinc0328

My two cents is to see if you can adapt to his lifestyle to become yours. If he is moving towards a more positive lifestyle, it's not bad you go for the same, at least give a try. Waking up at 5.30 for workout / exercise is a fruitful experience. I bet you'll love it.

Oh look, its the OP's DH.

Don't be ridiculous - if the OP wanted to do this she wouldn't be posting here.

The DH needs to get a vibrating type alarm and not wake everyone else up or choose a different timeslot (eg evening after the DC have gone to bed).

[LunaLoveLemon]

I think YABU. Ask him to change his alarm tone if he must, but he’s not obliged to stay in bed because you want to sleep.

My DH used to get up at 4am to cycle to early shifts at work. He still frequently gets up at 5.30/6. He’s fitting in training around busy family and work commitments. I only wish I was as dedicated!

[Nightynightnight]

This is why people need separate sleeping spaces. I'm seriously considering moving out of our bedroom. I adore my husband but as we've gotten older we just have completely incompatible sleep patterns. He survives on barely any sleep and will think nothing of coming up to bed at 2am and waking me bumbling about the room, then setting an alarm for 6.30 when I don't need to get up until 7.30. I'm permanently shattered.

So back to you OP... Neither of you are being unreasonable really , its just one of those things you need to accept when you share a room with someone. But if he's planning on doing it all the time and you have a spare room make it your own.